Jenneology~ I am Doing it!

Shutterfly Photo Book

2011-10-27T21:08:00.001-07:00

Finally after 7 1/2 years, I finally made a photo book of our wedding pictures. There was a Living Social Deal that 1)made it affordable and 2) gave me a deadline. So here it is...

Click here to view this photo book larger

Create your own custom photo books at Shutterfly.com.

Guess I need to come up with something...

2011-08-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

CALL FOR ESSAYS ON THE TOPIC OF MORMON MOTHERHOOD. Holly Welker will be guest editing an issue of the magazine devoted to Mormon motherhood. She writes:

I'd like to include essays on topics that, if not entirely ignored in Mormondom, don't get as much attention as more conventional aspects of motherhood, including but not limited to

post-partum depression
midwifery
helping children recover from abuse
how being an abuse survivor affects your approach to motherhood
co-parenting with a non-Mormon spouse
single motherhood
infertility
mothering a special needs child
step-motherhood
teaching children about gender

and of course mother in heaven.

If I've left out a really important aspect, please tell me.

Essays on those topics should be somewhere in the range of 1,000 to 3,000 words. Deadline will be November 15. Drop me a line right away if you're interested, though, so I can get an idea of how many more offerings I need to solicit.

I'm also very interested in prose poems/lyric essays of 250-750 words on the topic of the image of a mother (madonna) and child. One thing I found interesting when I learned Chinese on my mission is that the word for "good"--the image that denotes wholeness and value--is a picture of a mother and child. It's not a character that denotes a "family"--father, mother, child (though the character for family is actually a pig under your roof--I guess so you can feed everyone). Western art is full of images of a holy mother with a holy son, but what about ordinary women and their daughters? How would you paint a verbal self-portrait of yourself as a mother that participates in the artistic tradition of mother and child? What makes it "good"?

Contact Holly Welker for more information.

A visit to the Center for Spiritual Living

2011-08-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

I went to my nearest Center for Spiritual Living for church last week. I had meant to go to sacrament meeting at my ward but my alarm clock (my 2 year old) didn't wake me up until 9:30 and church starts at 9... That's the story of our lives.

I loved attending the service. The sermon was on envisioning God as whatever is good, beautiful, lovely, etc and then from that vision of God, manifesting that beauty and goodness in your own life. The sermon then moved onto what keeps us from connecting with that beauty in life and the Spirit--focusing too much on the negatives of the moment, or the causes of those negativity, when we should instead be looking towards God to inspire us to properly deal with those situations. The pastor/minister/reverend, heck I don't know, led the congregation in thinking of what in our lives hold us back from experiencing that joy. Is it hurtful things people have told us that we have come to believe? Is it situations that discourage and depress us? She then invited everyone to declare their independence from whatever barriers were holding them back from experiencing joy in their lives.

I totally identified with what she was saying. I was in tears for a lot of the service and it was such a relief from my LDS ward. At this point, I've committed myself to attend CSL or the UU church once a month and my LDS ward the other Sundays.

I must comment on the music since its so strikingly different than the organ music of the LDS hymns. I love the hymns but I'm often ready for a new genre of music to present those melodies. At the Center for Spiritual Living, there was a soulful black singer who started it off and ended the sermon with the song "You Are So Beautiful to Me." There was an amazing electric violinist who performed a Turkish piece. It sounded very Arab, but with bass drums. It was truly amazing. I wished I knew more bellydance so I could have danced in the aisles....The benediction was the congregation singing a praise hymn of dancing and singing. I really can't wait to go back.

My Mormon understanding gave me some additional insights. In the space in "I declare my independence from...." I filled in "the blood and sins of this generation." If I'm honest with myself that is really what is currently upsetting me most. I mourn for this world and all the mixed up confusion and wrongness that is perpetuated in it. It was really empowering to say to myself that I can free myself from acting in accordance with all that I see wrong in the world and that I can hand it over to God to inspire me in the ways I can do this.

My Mormon (and Unitarian) sensibilities were slightly off put by the conceptual reference to God in the service. It seems that they are one step ahead of the Unitarians in that they are happy to express a belief in God and that from God emanates spirit. Yet it seems that the God they conceptualize is very much the God of the Nicene creed "formless, without shape, gender, being, etc." I knew that many people in the congregation would be uncomfortable with even the term God (the woman sitting next to me filled in Spirit for God...when I was a teenager, I did something similar by interchanging love for God.). I'm sure that some of the people in the room were having to free themselves of a vision of God as a stern, demanding, exacting male figure that inspired fear, rather than light and goodness. There was no reference to God as a gendered being, probably due to the inequality of a belief in a male God.

Throughout it all, I wished that the congregation could have shared my vision of God. Male and female, embodied and distinct from one another but perfectly loving and united in purpose. People like us, but whom have progressed to complete knowledge and understanding of all things. To be honest, I think even some would challenge this belief as well. Because wouldn't a homosexual, in their envisioning of God, prefer a homosexual couple to a heterosexual couple? Maybe I'm wrong on that.

All that said, I wouldn't leave the LDS church completely for the Center for Spiritual Living. I love how my Mormon belief deepens and enlivens the service that I attended today. I wish that the LDS church was more like CSL in the realness of the people, heartfelt sharing and music. The material was drawn from all over, not limited to the repetition of what has been correlated. The fellowship structure among Mormons is better too. We were strangers there and no one spoke to us (except the greeter) but it was not personal. In that church, I may make friends but I wouldn't have Home teachers or Visiting teachers. If only the two could come together seamlessly, that would be an amazing church....

The new Mormon Women healers

2011-06-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

I am getting to know some LDS women in my area who sell essential oils through one of those pyramid schemes. I signed up too as a product consultant so I could benefit from the classes, wholesale discounts, and the possibility that I might be able to passively make some money through online marketing. So if you want to buy some essential oils from me, you can shop from my blog: Descent into Motherhood and click on the DoTerra logo on the right sidebar or use this link. I'll be posting at Descent about the cool things I learn.

The ladies I've met are so kind and loving. We have connected on that plane where we are all women trying to be healers to our family and we are working together and supporting one another as we learn, trading tips, information etc.

I've been really concerned with my daughter's health due to a probable staph infection that is causing legions and sores on her skin. I'm waiting for the lab culture to come back from the doctor and in the meantime I have been treating at home with herbs and essential oils. I talked to the ladies by phone who were both willing to come to my house with their oils to administer to my daughter.

Its really cool to be learning about these essential oils because I feel like I am truly anointing my children with oils that do have the power to heal and bless them. To have LDS women willing to come over to do the same with oils that I don't possess really reminded me of the glory days when that was common practice. Even though it is a pyramid scheme, this is the beauty that is coming out of it. I feel blessed and hope that their vision of a "Healer in Every Home" can be realized.

The essential oils have been working really well too, so much that my husband has been impressed and encouraged me to continue using them. In a blessing that he gave our daughter tonight, he said something to the effect of "your mother is doing wonderfully taking care of you." That was just the bit of encouragement that I really appreciated hearing.

It has been through the use of essential oils and finally learning how to use them that I've been able to understand the ancient practice of anointing. I didn't know that oils for healing where used by anointing the feet though I was familiar with the passages in the New Testament where this was done (Mark 6:13, John 12:3). I just didn't know that it was connected to herbalism and healing. Call me ignorant but I'm so glad to have learned that anointing is not just a religious practice but also ties in with health and healing. Natural healers have continued these practices and LDS women in the early church were not only familar with the practice but incorporated it into their religious practices as well.

I am wistful for those days and sad that there is no longer a stake or ward calling for a woman to be a midwife and visiting teachers do not offer special pregnancy blessings or these types of house calls for the healing of the sick and afflicted. I don't feel much hope that this will change through means of church policy which is in part why I am so gratified to see this sort of thing happening outside church channels but still within the LDS community. One effort that I can working on is to form a directory of LDS doulas, midwives and childbirth educators so that LDS women can find LDS birth workers in their area if they are so drawn to it. I have hopes that Mormon blessingways will become common, that prayer and priesthood will become a normal part of LDS births while at the same time protecting the sacred space of birth for mother and baby and ensuring healthier births that can help LDS women maximize their fertility since so many aim for large families. That will be hosted as a project at LDS WAVE and is coming soon.

Maybe the day is coming where LDS women will reconnect with their Mormon legacy of women as healers and it will be through companies like DoTerra and the services of LDS women as birth workers. I hope so. I hope I can be apart of it. Already, I'm well on my way through being a product consultant and midwifery student.

The ideal church meeting

2011-06-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

On a discussion group the question was posed: Describe your ideal church meeting. My response was long enough to be its own post, so I'm copying and pasting here.

I'm a big fan of the laity but I want to see training in giving sermons and have those sermons go beyond the standard works and the Ensign. Give up to 1 month for lay members to prepare a sermon where they can research and find sources from across history and around the world. And then keep sacrament meeting to 45 minutes-ish since just the administration of the sacrament takes 20.

However, the administration of the sacrament can/should move to the jurisdiction of the family. Those who want to/need the church for the administration of it, can attend that portion of the meeting, but its ridiculousness to be that the church actively precludes people from taking the sacrament if they can't make church due to not-deigned-to-be-good enough reasons.

After sacrament, the children should be able to leave the chapel and go to their classes. The Unitarians in my home congregation do a cool thing where they sing the children to their classes.

Music in sacrament yes, forget the staid and move in with the joyful, exuberant arrangements. Dance and sing, move and clap. Musical instruments of all sorts performed by ward members.

Joint priesthood and Relief Society, ordain women, make this meeting after sacrament and keep it to 45 minutes. Sometimes have this meeting about action, or use it to brainstorm advocacy efforts and how their ward can put the gospel into action in their community. Knit during meetings, cut out file folder games, etc.

Sunday school last (and maybe not on Sundays), have it for those who want/need to attend. Maybe even give over the Sunday school to the Institutes, encourage each member to be attending one class at all times, call seminary enough for the YM/YW and build it into their programs to earn their achievements.

If not a potluck something like a "coffee hour" where drinks and maybe sometimes snacks are served. Church at this point is only 1 1/2-2 hrs so you shouldn't be having horribly hungry people. Obviously find a different name "fellowship hall" or "social hour." Give people a chance to visit, discuss and really get to know the goings-on of members of their ward. This is where the throughout the week fellowship is going to be strengthened.

I also think that if church on Sundays wasn't such a major investment, members would be more willing to do social/volunteer/nature stuff outside of church. I love the ideas of sometimes conducting worship services outside in nature. That would be a good use for the church owned recreational areas a few times a year.

My thoughts are pretty influenced by the Unitarian Universalist ways of doing things. For a few years now, I have been missing a good, well-prepared, profound sermon. Not having the children in the meeting for the sermon is actually more conducive to worship and for mature reflection. After a coming of age, perhaps 12, the youth can be made apart of those sermons as well. I miss those coffee hours where people visit and talk before leaving to go home.

So those are my ideas, anything here you know you wouldn't like? What is your ideal church meeting?

Oh no he didn't: Taking GA's literally

2011-06-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

I really think that Orson F. Whitney is saying it is in God's plan for some people to not join the church is this life in the following quote:

"Perhaps the Lord needs such men on the outside of His Church to help it along,” said the late Elder Orson F. Whitney of the Quorum of the Twelve. “They are among its auxiliaries, and can do more good for the cause where the Lord has placed them, than anywhere else. … Hence, some are drawn into the fold and receive a testimony of the truth; while others remain unconverted … the beauties and glories of the gospel being veiled temporarily from their view, for a wise purpose. The Lord will open their eyes in His own due time. God is using more than one people for the accomplishment of His great and marvelous work. The Latter-day Saints cannot do it all. It is too vast, too arduous for any one people. … We have no quarrel with the Gentiles. They are our partners in a certain sense.” (Conference Report, April 1928, p. 59.)

I'm not arguing with this quote. In fact, I love it. It shows the depths of understanding that certain people through history have had regarding the gospel. This is evidence to me that the Mormon cultural hang-ups on conversion and ordinances need not be tied to life. The same blessings are available to those who die not having become a Mormon. Not just those who didn't ever hear of the gospel, but also to those who for some "wise purpose" do not feel convicted to be baptized into the church. What an Open Mormon concept. The whole exclusivity claims and some of the overt pressure, and judgement shown to many people is just unnecessary. This is another win for the universalist view of Mormonism, the one that says that Mormon theology provides for ordinance requirements of all people and the limited amount of time on earth is but a small factor that goes into how one is judged as either good or bad, righteous or unrighteous. Likely there will be more people in the celestial kingdom that perhaps your everyday Mormon believes.

Upon reading this quote, it occurred to me that this is just the type of quote that would have your conservative TBMs saying, "Oh well, you can't take everything said by a GA in Conference as scripture." (Even though this is the group that throws the same argument back in the faces of the unorthodox, questioning Mormons). That is precisely the arguments open Mormons when they encounter who are then denounced for their lack of obedience to the prophets. All I'm saying, there is plenty of content in the span of General Conference to make TBMs and OMs uncomfortable or that will lend support to their views.

The arguments are silly. Christ says love. The prophet of the restoration says "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may." (Article of Faith 11). The prophet of today says be tolerant. Let's do that.

What I wish I heard: May 15th

2011-05-18T02:26:00.000-07:00

Sunday school: The lesson was on faith from the Gospel Principles Manual.

Non-member asked: why faith ingests? Why not God?

My thought: that's a good question, a really good question,

What I wish I heard: quoting Jesus, love God
What I said: he turns our attention to God. In all his teachings he said: follow me and the way to follow my example is to love God.

What i'm glad I heard: Another woman in the class referenced the 1st article of faith "we believe in God" with emphasis on we believe in God first before Christ.

What I heard: how to increase faith in God, study scriptures, go to church, act
What was missing: prayer was missing and that was a glaring omission

What I said: that prayer needs to be included because its an essential part to having faith in God is to develop a personal relationship through prayer. I later thought how prayer needs to be coupled with seeking revealed truth from sources already given. One without the other is not effective but both need to work together. Answers to prayers aren't given if its already written now and accessible to a person but that person refuses to seek it out and rather prayers for it through inspiration.

What I heard in Relief Society
Hymn: 273 truth reflects upon our senses, Eliza r snow

What I wish I heard: the last two verses sung, insight into the imperfect view we have of others, judge not

What I am so glad i heard in a lesson on honesty: an attack on white lies, not defense of them

 What I heard: a story of a white lie told. Woman told how her son lied to someone when he said he loved plays, but it was not true. Then the person who was told the lie spoke up and said that she was the one lied to. Hilarious!

What I'm glad I heard: taking more than what we need takes from other is a form of theft and dishonestly, specifically mentioning over-consumption

What I wish I heard: More about the injustice present in the world when so many have more than enough and even more do not have enough. Would have loved to hear The Life You Can Save mentioned.

What I heard: gospel principles definition of cheating- workforce issues, injustice against employees

What I said: we have a role in standing up against that injustice and there are many opportunities to add our voice in opposition, consumer advocacy groups, workers rights. The internet provides some really effective, quick and easy ways of contacting legislators through organizations like Change.org, MomsRising, etc. What I wish I heard: recognition that women aren't likely to be in the role of the dishonest and oppressive employers because 1) Mormon women are discouraged from being in the work force and generally when they are in the work force are in low-paying, jobs required little skill and training and are not likely to be in leadership/corporate roles.

What I heard: people focusing fear of damnation for slight actions

What I wish I heard: people stating a balance of faith in repentance, desire to do the right thing, recognize the damage done to ourselves rather than focus on external punishments. Do some Mormons really believe that hell is an external punishment rather than the manifestations of our own conscience holding us accountable?

What I heard: hymn Oh Say What is Truth, last verse, loved it.

What I wish I heard: a talk on the transcendence of truth, maybe a blog post? Anyone know of a good article on this topic?

What I Wish I Heard: Mother's Day Edition. Don't Say I didn't warn you.

2011-05-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

What I heard: mothers day program

What I wish I heard: the remainder of church is cancelled for families to go home and enjoy the holiday OR last week, church is canceled on Mother's Day.  OR In honor of mothers day, priesthood are invited to administer the sacrament to their families.

 What I heard: CS Lewis quotes: all careers are in support of the greatest career of all- homemaking

What I wish I heard: this jives with the concept of Radical Homemaking, that indeed our families and are lives are the greatest careers and the purpose for us living. Men need to also return to the home, embrace the principles of Equally Shared Parenting (hey, its in the Proclamation...). Society needs to reorder its priorities so that families can be together, that both men and woman can learn to be skilled nurturers and that both women and men can use their intellects, skills and knowledge to contribute to the larger world.

What I heard: a truly awful talk on Sheri Dews Aren't we all mothers talk. Be happy you weren't in my ward today. My head almost exploded.

1. Denigrating men- comment that the talk is only talking to women because of course men can't also be mothers.

2. Comparison priesthood to motherhood "how is that fair that men get to move mountains and women suffer childbirth?"

3. Putting octopus mother on a pedestal for dying in order to care for her young, not sleeping, eating or moving for a month as she uses her last breath to care for her young. Really!? Is that what we want to suggest to our human mothers that all her efforts that go into caring for her children should bring her to the point of her death?

What I heard: a how to talk on teaching children based on Elder Uuchtdoorfs talk on parenting (I think priesthood session?) from last conference , it was nice.

What I wish I heard: mention of Heavenly Mother somewhere, somehow. recognition of the difficulty and challenge of motherhood and the importance of fathers, family and community members to support and assist mothers. encouragement for mothers to care for themselves by letting go and sharing of some of the mothering responsibility so that they can pursue the skills and abilities they have gained through their lives and education. Of course, too much to ask, but we're working on it.

What I heard: a woman saying the closing prayer in sacrament. So there you go, it does happen.

What I witnessed: the honoring mother's ceremony at the end of sacrament. The Young Women passed around little bags of chocolates with a decorated card quoting President Hinckley. It was a good quote about recognizing the challenge of mothering and promising the blessings of the Spirit to guide mothers in their efforts. However, I did not receive one for whatever reason. I was busy with a toddler on my lap and she ran out of her supply when she got to me and then didn't get back to me to give me one and I wasn't about to ask to make sure that I had one. Its a good thing that my mother was there, she got hers and we shared it.

After sacrament, I left church early to attend Ina May Gaskin event in Seattle at Town Hall. Now there is a way to honor mothers! To read more about it, hop over to my birth blog: Descent into Motherhood.

What will they say about me when I die?

2011-05-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

I am lifting the following exercise from a recent post on Feminist Mormon Housewives. A new self-help book aiming to assist people of my generation to find their purpose in life provided the exercise. What follows are my answers:

Thought Experiment: You’ve died. You are at your own funeral. What do you want your friends and family to say about you? What did you do with your life? Write down five things you hope people say about the legacy that you’ve left. Write down five things you hope people say about your personality.

1. She was a seeker of truth and was open-minded, and respectful in the finding of it. She embraced the belief in the gospel that all good things come from God and that all truth can be circumscribed into one great whole. She would embrace truth, quite literally, wherever it could be found--in Islam, Unitarian Universalism, Paganism, Gnosticism, Physics, Astronomy and Chemistry. She was a student of life and found great joy in it.

2. She wanted to make a difference in the world and she worked diligently to address some of the injustices and inequalities that people, especially women throughout the world face. Her involvement in non-profit organizations and humanitarian works helped the lives of many. One of the things she was fond of saying was that she didn't want to make a difference in the life of a child, but she wanted to make a difference in the life of many. She worked at the systems level to address the root causes of poverty, abuse and barriers to living a full and happy life.

3. She prioritized her family while at the same time set the example to them to be anxiously engaged in a good cause (or in her case, many). Her children were involved with her and shared her with the people of the world. They had the opportunity to see and do many things that provided service to others because of the example and encouragement of their mother. She was actively involved with them at all levels of their lives and somehow found a balance in the limited hours of each day to show them they were loved and benefited from her presence and involvement in their lives.

4. She was a believer in the radical Jesus: the Jesus who was friends with the sinners and who was compassionate to their experiences, the socialist who believed in complete redistribution of wealth, the empowerment and equality of women and the Christ-like love that each person needs to achieve their potential.

5. She knew hardship, difficulty, pain and injustice and she was able to find strength from her experiences and turn them around to be compassionate towards others, to support and comfort them.

Core Values: Discover what drives you. What principles guide your actions and ideal self? Try to strip away all cultural conditioning and/or religious rhetoric and assess five core values by which you live your life and inform who you want to be. Write these down. Evaluate if there any disconnect between what you wrote down in step one and step two.

Maybe I already did this up above. Just pulling from there, we find that I value: openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.

Find Your Purpose: Why does what you are doing matter? What motivates and inspires you to keep following these values? Chose a purpose. It can be big or small, but has to be intentional. It is the reason for your goals and can change over time. If you are struggling to find your purpose try this experiment. Write down your five most valuable gifts and talents. Next, write below those what each of these can be used for. Finally, evaluate what types of careers or activities you would enjoy that would utilize some of these talents.

I'm already doing many of the things I hope to be remembered for so my purpose is described above. Involvement in Solace for Mothers, LDS WAVE, The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services already address some of those values that I hold so deeply. I would someday like to turn those desires and abilities into paid employment and I hope that it will be doing something that addresses the root causes of injustice in the world. I would love to work in humanitarian aid (whether it is at the local, national or global scene) but at the systems level. One of my skills is to look at big picture and see ways to build coalitions and to bring people together, to create ways that people from very different viewpoints can interface with each other in cooperative ways. Most of my efforts are somehow related to system building and connecting people in large communities to harness their combined power into a stronger more unified voice.

Test Your Purpose: Today my purpose will be _____________. To accomplish that I will use my gifts for ________________ to accomplish these specific goals_______________. Later change the timeline to week, month, and year.

Today my purpose will be two fold:
1) to connect with my children and show them the value of caring for others
2) learn about how to structure my family economically so we can be Equal Shared Parenting and Radical Homemaking folks.

To accomplish that I will use my gifts for being involved in national organizations and reading to accomplish these specific goals:
1) I will walk with my children in the March of Dimes walk, teach them to sew and make things we can sell on Talents of Sisters.
2) start reading the book Equally Shared Parenting and discuss with my husband the possibilities that our interests lead us to.

Otherwise, I would say that my goals are year long, or at the very least, seasonal. This year I hope to create an online community for birth advocates that can become a hub for the thousands who care birth issues in our world. This season, we hope to grow some of our own food and make some of our own household products to develop our skills and save money.

Write It All Down: Once you have a purpose you can stick with, write it all down and it will remind your of who you are and what you want to be. I.e.My five core values are ____________. My five core talents are ______________. In the next ten years my purpose will be ______________. The key features of my personal mission statement are ______________.

My five core values are openness to truth/goodness, compassion, advocacy, social justice and idealism.

My five core talents are:
1) building community and cooperation around advocacy efforts
2) addressing root causes of social issues
3) looking at the big picture
4) being respectful and open to differing view points
5) embracing and valuing the good that is inherent in differing perspectives

In the next ten years my purpose will be to:
1) achieve equal partnership in my marriage
2) find paid part-time employment in advocacy work
3) support and contribute to organizations addressing global poverty
4) continue to develop current advocacy organizations
5) educate my children through experiential learning in living the gospel of the radical Jesus.

The key features of my personal mission statement are make a difference in the world, aspire to the ideal, encourage potential, and value balance and compassion to oneself and others.

What I Wish I Heard: April 24th Happy Resurrection Day!

2011-04-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

Sacrament Meeting:
What I heard: youth speaker defining faith as belief, not knowing. We can express our belief as in " I have faith in...."
What I wish I heard: that's all our testimonies need to be. We don't need to know. It's a cultural and not doctrinal proactive that comp ells us to say we know in testimony.

What I heard: faith is not knowing much about something but still believing anyway.
What I wish I heard: the trial of faith that comes is when learning a little more that can lead to questioning and thinking we know enough to reject our belief. But verily, faith is not having a perfect knowledge, which knowing can only come from having all information, the knowledge that only god possesses. Faith means that even in the light of new knowledge, we still believe and have hope that at some future point we will receive all knowledge, the kind that comes with all information, and the skill to see how it all works together.

What I heard: The resurrection is the most important day in the history of the world
What I wish I heard: without the atonement, the resurrection would be the saddest ebent in the history of the world. The atonement, then, is the most important even in the history of the world. Though like birthies argue, you could say that the creation of people was most important, or the fall from innocence in the garden of Eden. Or, let's just admit that hyperbole does a disservice in a church where people take things SO literally.

What I heard: Gnosticism mentioned and the Gospel of Thomas quoted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what I wish I heard: choirs of angels singing pointing to everyone present that we can be more scholarly and broad in our studies.

What I heard: BYU has an apocryphal literature class. I wish I had known about it when I was at BYU, even though I wasn't ready for it. Now that I am, BYU looks like a good place for Peter to work so can take the religion classes I would enjoy.

What I heard: parable of two paths. Choosing the right is the right choice.
What I wish I heard: doing a heart of darkness inversion in using the left as the right choice

Sunday school
What I heard: ah-men at the end of a prayer, rather than A-men

What I heard: a covenant is a non- negotiable contract ( from my husband) example is homeowner associations

What I heard: Abrahams father attempted to sacrifice him, then later Abraham was commanded to sacrifice his son.
What I wish I heard: how would that experience Abrahams view of his father? Could be find respect their for other religious views, find the good in his fathers commitment to his religious belief?

Relief Society:
What I heard: fundamentals of following the prophet
What I wish I heard: benson was an apostle at the time, it was originally given at a BYU devotional, and the people who quoted him were seventies. The fundamentals are not words of prophets, past or present.

What I heard: stories of people following the prophet in the scriptures, church history
What I wish I heard: stories of when the prophet was wrong; Elijah, Jonah, Joseph Smith

What I heard: the apostles are prophets too
What I wish I heard: but benson, who gave the fundamentals, defines prophet differently. He does not include the apostles in his definition of prophet. Now. 13 and 14 only include the president and his counselors.

What I wish i never heard: the prophet will never lead the church astray
What I wish I heard: kimball define what we meant by that statement. Will the prophet never make a mistake? Say the wrong thing? Speak without the Spirit? Never reject the gospel? Never break a commandment?

My Mormon.org Profile

2011-04-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the highlight of my week, maybe month is that my Mormon.org profile was published complete with unorthodox and controversial content that I have been chastised for by some Mormons. Can I say that I'm feeling a little vindicated?

If Mormon.org was willing to publish it, and it was censored for being "false doctrine" then the Mormon doctrine police can quiet down, right?

Its not all controversy, though. I start out with a summary of my conversion story and answer questions about Why I'm Mormon and tell some personal stories. However the answers I'm most proud of and glad to see published on my profile are the following (These are the complete answers, so you'll have to click through to read my complete responses).

Why don't women hold the priesthood in the Mormon Church? How do women lead in the Mormon Church?

One of the reasons why women do not hold the priesthood in the Mormon Church is because, as President Hinckley said in an interview with an Australian reporter is that "there is no agitation for that." He seems to imply that if the members of the church were interested in women being ordained to the priesthood that a number of them ought to approach the leaders of the church expressing their interest. One faithful Mormon created a website where Mormons and non-Mormons can express their interest in women of the Mormon Church receiving the priesthood. The URL for that site is www.agitatingfaithfully.org.

If the leaders take the communication seriously, they have the opportunity to show the world that the Mormon church continues to receive revelation and that the church can change its practices as it better learns the mind and will of God. It would be up to the prophet and apostles of the church to counsel and pray together on the topic of women receiving the priesthood. If they can all agree that God is telling them to extend the priesthood to women, they will share that revelation with the church and the world.

It may be that God does have a reason for women not to receive that priesthood and Mormons do believe that God can reveal his reasons through the prophet. Certainly Mormons care to learn as much as they can through revelation and they care deeply about what truly is God's will. They want to know that it really is from God and not the popular response caused by the whim of the people. Until that time, Mormon women have many opportunities to serve within the church.

What do Mormons believe about the nature of God?

Mormons believe that God's nature is that of the perfect parent. One of the greatest doctrines taught by the LDS church is that we believe we are loved by a Father and Mother in Heaven. Together, they love us with perfect knowledge of what we need to lead us to truth. They are patient, gentle, kind but firm and fair. Heavenly Father is attentive to our prayers and sends the Spirit to guide and comfort us. He also sends his Spirit to others who will be guided to help and give us comfort in our struggles.

In knowing about the existence of a Heavenly Mother and a Heavenly Father, I have a better understanding of who I am as a daughter of God. Though not much is taught about Heavenly Mother, I envision a womanly goddess who is capable, strong, intelligent and all-knowing, creative, hardworking and infinitely loving: the perfect woman and mother and equal to power and ability to God the Father. The vision I have of Heavenly Father is gentle, loving, compassionate, all-knowing, patient and sensitive: the perfect man and father. In both, I find the parents I need to feel loved, comforted, guided and supported. I am able to learn how to be a better parent and partner to my husband because of the example I envision my heavenly parents set for me.

What I wish I heard at church April 17

2011-04-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

Sacrament
What I heard: there is only one person in the world we know we can trust completely, that is God proverbs 3:4,
What I heard: cannot trust advertising, parents and prophets can be trusted
So glad I heard this message
What I wish I heard: that parents and prophets are fallible people, we can turn to god to know when to trust them

What I heard: no other god before me
What I wish I heard: a father who says, you shall have no other parent before me. Obviously that doesn't work. Heavenly mother and the father are one, both can be worshipped equally. When we pray to one, It is known to both. They love us and support each other in their role as parents. Quote the proclamation

Sunday School
What I heard: the tradition of baptism among the Jews is not known ( prior to John the baptist)
What I wish I heard; some Jewish scholar in the ward who knows and can expound on it. Where's Jared Anderson or Kevin Barney when I need him?

What I heard: revelation on how the church should operate cannot come from others who do not have the keys of the office whose duty it is to conduct church operations
What I wish I heard: non hierarchical revelation and how people of the church should feel welcome to make proposals and suggestions. When a priesthood holder is humble and loving, they will listen. Example: Joseph listened to Emma and we got the word of wisdom

Relief Society
What I heard: not judging the cause of a persons poverty and not judging what they do with charity given "what they do with the money is between them and god, what you do with the money is between you and god."
What I wish I heard: examples of this and a discussion of helping address causes of poverty and seeing true need rather than not looking for cause, difference between judging cause and addressing cause

What I Wish I Heard April 10 Testimony Meeting

2011-04-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

What I wish I heard: someone bare testimony of heavenly mother. I felt prompted to bare testimony of heavenly mother, but time ran out. The feeling was so strong that I feel in order to act on it, I need to remember and act on it in the month of May. It was clear to me that the spirit was telling me that's what I am supposed to do.

Sunday school:
What I heard: a lesson on the priesthood
What I wish I heard: how women are affected when they are completely excluded from a lesson on the priesthood no mention in the manual at all.

What I heard: In the past the priesthood hasn't be extended to all the people it is currently extended to (used to be the tribe of Levi, then every worthy white male, now every worthy male). The Lord's requirements change over time. Left open the possibility that the requirements may change in the future.
What I wish I heard: mention that the priesthood is not currently extended to women but may be in the future. The priesthood has the responsibility to seek the will of god and make it happen. Would we know that god does not want women to have the priesthood if we never ask?

What I heard: a womans voice saying that the priesthood is the power of God to create
What I wish I heard her say: she believes womanhood receivers authority from God to create and bear young. That somehow women are or should be granted recognition that they too have the authority to act in Gods name.

What I heard: it hadn't always been that every worthy male receives the priesthood that's just how it is now.
What I wish I heard: that may be how it is now, and it can change in the future. Someday it may be conferred on women

<-------- and I said it. Later in the lesson
What I wish I had said: you can sign agitating faithfully to state you would like to see revelation sought on the matter

What I heard: it takes a sister to point out what the priesthood does
What I wish I heard: a discussion on why is that

What I heard: it's kind of a big thing to a young man to pass the sacrament
What I wish I heard: it's kind of a big thing that young women aren't allowed to pass the sacrament

What I heard: women do hold the priesthood when they marry a priesthood holder in the temple
What I wish I heard: some one point out that is false doctrine
What I wish I heard: women in some way participate in the priesthood before the sealing rite, they are participating in the priesthood in the endowment ( and initiatory as well ) it is not understood how that occurs since they are not ever ordained to the priesthood by priesthood holders ( and I said it)

What I heard: women are more spiritual and do not need the priesthood
What I wish I heard: men and women are not all that different, both can benefit from the duties of the priesthood and both can benefit from developing the qualities of perfect parenting

I like this lesson much more when it's a mixed group of male and females. This lesson sucks when it is just women in relief society.

Relief society:
What I heard: right off in a lesson on self-reliance: no one should feel bad that they need help during some times of their lives. Accepting church welfare is not shameful.

What I heard: self reliance should keep us from being dependent of others
What I wish I heard: interdependence among communities and self reliance fosters independence in communities

What I heard: emergency preparedness supplies can include birthing kits, diapers(save cloth) pamphlets on elimination communication, little potties, diva cups

What I heard: quote on emotional self reliance. Members should seek solutions for their emotional needs. Go to the church after our resources have been extinguished

What I heard: we are more capable than we think we are because we are children of god. We receive godlike power because we share traits of god.

What I heard: expecting help from others
What I wish I heard: sometimes the help doesn't come because it can't (I said it)

What I heard: you are wrong for saying that people aren't helping when you need
What I wish I heard: I'm sorry that was your experience

What I wish I heard: Conference edition

2011-04-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

Its Conference weekend and good news! There is less that I wish I heard in Conference than in a regular church meeting. That's a good sign, right?

Saturday April 2

Morning Session:
What I heard: Primary President describes children in the terms of the scriptures, meek, submissive. Adults should follow their example
What I wish I heard: acknowledgment that children are not inherently submissive. Most (if not all) children do not fit that description most of the time. We don't really want to follow the example of our children because then we would be completely egotistical and protecting of what we believe is ours.

What I heard: a Latin American speaker's accented English
What I wish I heard: the Latin American's home language, translated into English for English speakers like the English is translated into so many languages throughout the world.

What I heard: Quentin L. Cook said do not judge women who work
What I wish I heard: it is good for women who want to work outside of the home to do so and then praise them for their and their husband’s ability to provide and nurture their children. At this point in time, our society is not structured to support this equal sharing of child care and work responsibilities. Families are working to find solutions that work for them, provide for their family's needs and do not marginalize the talents and abilities of either mother or father.

Statistical report:
What I heard: humanitarian report
What I wish I heard: the total amount given in fast offerings to local communities throughout the world in the last year. Last year, the Ensign reported that the church has given $1 billion in humanitarian relief in the last 2 decades but they did not report any estimates of fast offerings that did not go to world wide efforts but stayed in local units. That amount will likely be staggering.

Sunday morning:
What I heard: Presiding Bishop described the origins of the Welfare program and prophet's statements of prioritizing humanitarian efforts in front of temples, etc if needed.
What I wish I heard: The church is trying to find new ways to increase the amount of aid that goes out to the world. All the profits from the Salt Lake downtown revitalization project will go to humanitarian efforts throughout the world.

What I loved hearing! It is our duty to do what we can to make the world a better place.

What I heard: President Monson said If you have a temple nearby, go to the temple more often.
What I wish I heard: It can be hard for parents of young children to go to the temple frequently. Grandparents, help your adult children go by babysitting. Ward members, young men and women, help young families go.

Sunday afternoon:
What I loved hearing! Elder Christoffersen counseling us to take criticism/ feedback in a positive way. If we do not, the person who loves us enough to correct us will stop offering that feedback and progression is halted. Begin to self-correct.

What I heard: A Seventy said pay tithing even when there is a concern about having enough and your lack will be made up to you.
What I wish I heard: Sometimes the lack in not made up and...this is a good case where inspired wisdom from the Lord's anointed.
Also what I wish I heard: Mormons don't have the monopoly on tithing. Moral secularism is riding the tithing train now too, encouraging every person throughout the world to give a portion of their income to alleviating poverty and making the world a better place (www.thelifeyoucansave.org). The church will soon begin having to defend itself that they aren't giving enough to humanitarian efforts.

What I heard: C. Scott Grow
What I thought: teeheehee

What I loved hearing: Seventy said to do identify a child's behavior as a characteristic of that child's identity.

What I loved hearing : Holland saying "little bedlamites." The littles are a new name.

What I heard: A very slow, soothing, sleep inducing rendition of "More Holiness Give Me."
What I wish I heard: something stirring and that doesn't take up more time than the prophet was given to speak. Most people I know don't do too well after sitting for hours, so close to the end listening to something so long. As least they're not running over time. This time.

What I wish I heard in church on Sunday

2011-03-28T02:35:00.000-07:00

This is likely going to become a new series. Every Sunday I sit in church and listen to the lessons and talks that at a surface level are good but I often find myself thinking "if only they went deeper" or "I wish they went further and said this..." I decided that my thoughts were worthwhile and though I may not be able to hear those talks at church or discuss them with my family members and friends, that I could take notes, and create those talks and lessons in mind.

In fact, I think I remember hearing I think President Eyring say that his father did something like this. I'm taking it a step further by writing down my thoughts while I'm at church and then coming home and posting them on my blog. I hope to have conversations about this with my readers, friends and peers and create the kind of church meetings that would be more uplifting for me personally, though the way they are at church may be exactly what most others need for themselves.
_________________________________

So here you go, my first installment of "What I wish I hear in church on Sunday..."

Sacrament meeting
What was said: give relief to japan, donate money because we can't be there to help

What I wish I heard: Oftentimes when aid is needed, extra volunteers can be a burden, accommodations cannot be found for them, their community has the man power. Their number one need is money to obtain the supplies they need to rebuild, provide for their needs. Giving money is the best way we can help in most aid situations. It is also the most scarce In our lives. An LDS woman in Idaho had a great idea to raise money in an effective way that offers good and services that people need and are seeking and then directs the profits to aid organizations. Talents of Sisters collects crafts from hobbyists and sells the products on etsy to people who are seeking out those goods. Crafters can donate their goods and so the whole amount goes to humanitarian fundraising or pledge a portion of their profit. A strength of talents of sisters is customers come from everyone and are not limited to certain demographics. So next time you are looking for a one of a kind gift, look on Talents of Sisters. And next time you feel like crafting and don't have a way to gift that craft, list it on Talents of Sisters and turn your hobby into relief.

What was said: people who are suffering want people to listen and understand, validate their suffering not judge

What I wish I heard: This is not a skill that many of us have. It is a terrible feeling to feel alone in your suffering. Often it is uncomfortable for people to hear of others tales of woe and they choose to focus on staying busy and doing in Service rather than providing the most needed service which is listening and providing relief to emotional anguish. Thank goodness for Christ and his perfect understanding of our suffering that we are never really alone. As instruments in the hands of God, we can provide that physical and emotional companionship to others like he provides to us.

We need community. I would like to see church members familiarize themselves with research on the necessity of community, how it ensures our survival and our health. They would see that the church provides this community in inspired ways. However, members of the church have a few things to learn when it comes to creating that community of support and relief.

What was said: talk on learning and truth, academic learning should be sought after in all areas of learning (excellent!)

What I wish I heard: discuss the limits of this- examples of learning that goes from studying very different forms of thought "embracing truth wherever it can be found" learning that comes from studying other religions

What was said: Prophet gives revelation at conference

What I wish I heard: There hasn't been a revealed revelation since 1976. Revelations are not common in the church (even the Proclamation is not revelation!) and it is a disservice to say that everything that comes out of conference is revelation. The hymn testimony says it best "I know a prophet speaks to us for our eternal gain." They may speak with inspiration at conference but conference is not revelation unless something is specifically stated as revelation.

Sunday school
What was said: Jesus is sinless

What I wish I heard: Jesus did not have to be sinless to be the savior of the world. Everyone has imperfections, even the lamb without blemish is not going to be perfect in every way to the cellular level. I do not feel the need to believe that Christ was perfect without sin to still believe, love and appreciate his atonement. A more human Jesus still makes the infinite and eternal atonement possible for everyone.

It doesn't matter all that much to me one way or the other and it doesn't upset me when I hear how adamantly most Mormons believe that Jesus literally lived without sinning. I would however love to hear a strong analysis on both sides of why/why not his sinless state was necessary for the atonement to be carried out. Raising the possibility that he was not without sin (but was capable of repenting and learning from his mistakes) would likely cause all sorts of havoc with people's testimonies. I, for one, would not find it challenging to my faith. At a higher level than that, I don't "know" in the testimony sense of knowing that Christ was sinless. I guess I better study and pray about it.

Relief society

What I heard: a woman's voice "as a young elder..." as she read a first hand account written by a man (and the uncomfortable titter of the other women present)

What I wish I heard: Someone go off on how ridiculous it is that women are denied the priesthood based on their gender. That person is not going to be me, but how refreshing it would be if we could stop avoiding the white elephant in the room that women, if they were to be honest with themselves, are uncomfortable with authority being given to men only. If women could be honest, would they say they think women should have the priesthood?. The priesthood doesn't have to be male. Leaders of the church can receive revelation to grant priesthood to women. Fast for that revelation, pray for it. In fact, today was the day at FMH was publicizing a communal fast on the topic of women receiving the priesthood in hopes that church leadership will "ask of God." (James 1:5)

Random Pondering:
I think it would be cool if the church were to experiment with a mega church in an area like Seattle. How many people would be in the congregation? If there are about 300 people attending each ward on Sunday, and there are 5 stakes, that is about 1500 people at church on Sunday. Would reactivation efforts be more affective with more people free from leadership? Would our communities be stronger?

What I heard: citation from Elder Oaks talk from oct 2010 conference: revelation both personal and through authority

What I wish I heard: bring up the legitmate concerns of when the person in authority is wrong, or when someones' personal revelation conflicts with priesthood direction

Concept I like: Spirit through osmosis soaking it up when surrounded by people who possess the spirit, a good essence that strengthens those near by

What I heard: The Holy Ghost is male

What I wish I heard: We don't actually know that the holy ghost is a man. Could be a woman (see Fall 2010 Exponent), could be a group of people. Does it matter? It would be nice to know but it doesn't change that the Spirit is real and good and present in the LDS church and throughout peoples of the world. It just bugs me that people speak with such certainty that the spirit is male when they don't actually know and the prophets/apostles who spoke with such certainty didn't actually know either.

What I heard: visiting teachers and home teachers are there for us when we need them.

What I wish I heard: Most visiting teachers and home teachers are not there for us the way that would be most beneficial to us. We could call learn more about providing emotional support.

Left-overs from church last week:

What I heard: Thinking of work as service: imbuing spirit and love into work done for others, laundry, dishes, food

What I wish I heard: We can also look at our employment and the men of the church can look at their paid employment: how does your work help and serve other? Is it meaningful service? If you do not like the answer to that question, is it important to be engaged in paid work that does help others? Do we have a responsibility to people outside of your family so much that we serve others and our families simultaneously in our paid employment? Are our priorities in paid employment focused on how our work efforts serve others?

Alright, let's discuss.

And please remember, its fine to disagree with me and point out inaccuracies or to suggest references that might give me additional insights. Just do it respectively and without attacking me. I haven't had that problem yet among my readers (thank you!) but you know, gotta add the obligatory, lets act like respectful Christians...

Getting Mystical on you...

2011-02-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

I have always been drawn to the concept of the Tree of Life. I fell in love with it when I was introduced to the LDS church and read Lehi's vision for the first time. But even beyond that, I have loved the connection to family history with our roots and branches. Then there's the connection to ancient cultures where it has appeared in Meso-America, the Middle East, the Celtic Isles. I also love the natural world and greatly appreciate trees. But even with that, I didn't entirely understand why I feel so drawn to them. The color purple is the same way and I still haven't figured that out (though information on amethyst might explain a large part of it). The word Wisdom is something that I've been inexplicably drawn to a well.

So here's the connection between Wisdom and the Tree of Life:

Proverbs 3:18: "She [Wisdom] is a tree of ^alife to them that lay hold upon her"

There is a strong tradition in the Old Testament of Wisdom as a female goddess. I'm learning some of it from the book "Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom, Bride of God." Other sources where I've heard from is "Nephi and His Asherah" from the Maxwell Institute and "How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven without Being Excommunicated."

So not only is the Tree of Life, the love of God but it is also the gift of wisdom that comes to those who love God. It can also be called a symbol of the Goddess so the love of God that comes from that tree, then, is also the love of our Mother in Heaven.

One insight I had a few years ago that has stayed with me is the different meanings of the phrase "love of God." The possessive is ambiguous. Is it God's love or our love for God? Both? I like to think of it as both, that feeling God's love through the Spirit is a gift but also our love of God is a fruit of faithful living. As we progress along the path to the tree, our love of God grows. In that way, the journey to the tree that each Mormon is on, is an archetypal journey to wisdom.

Like Lehi, I find the promise of that fruit to be completely worth it. It is my hope that at the end of my life's journey that one of the fruits of the tree of life (which from the Old Testament is not just the love of God but it is also the gift of eternal life) is finding Heavenly Mother not just Our Father and the blessing it will be to learn of them through our eternity.

Book of Jenne and Carolyn continued: Highlights from the Book of Mosiah

2011-02-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

In my original post, I summarized and highlighted the first 4 books of the Book of Mormon. I'm continuing my effort to pull out what I feel are the most important lessons from these books so I can share them with my mother. The following summary is also part of the original post so it can all be kept in one place, as well as broken up into chunks as I feel that makes it easier to read.

The Book of Mosiah:

Mosiah begins with the reign of King Benjamin who is the king over the Nephites at the time. He was a faithful man and a conscientious leader. At one point in his reign, he gathered his people to together and expounded on the scriptures and taught them principles of the gospel. Chapters 2-5 are his address to the people. Linked verses are highlights of his address.

King Benjamin's Discourse:

Mosiah 2:17: Perhaps the most famous line from King Benjamin "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings are ye only in the service of your God."

Mosiah 2: 19-22: Give thanks to God for creating you, recognize their (Father's and Mother's) role in your life

Mosiah 2: 23-24: What God requires in return: keep commandments and he/they "doth immediately bless you."

Mosiah 2:34: "ye are eternally indebted to your heavenly father (+mother), to render to (them) all that you have and are"

Mosiah 2:41: "the happy state of those who keep the commandments of God, they are blessed in all things temporal and spiritual."

Mosiah 3: 5-11: prophesies of the coming of Christ. 2 important things here: King Benjamin reveals the name that Christ will be known by. Verse 7 teaches us that Christ, in his atonement, also experiences our suffering including our pain (from any cause), our fatigue (which can be caused by frustration, weariness in suffering, physical disability, etc).

Mosiah 3:14: Little children cannot sin. They must come to an awareness of right and wrong before they can be held accountable for their mistakes. Cross reference: Moroni 8:8

Mosiah 3:18-19: The Atonement does not work for those who do not accept and believe in it. We must "yield to the enticings of the Spirit" and "becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ."

Mosiah 3: 24-25: "whereof they shall be judged, every man according to his works." At that time, it will be clear to each of us the results of our actions during life. Cross reference: Alma 11: 43 We will have a bright recollection of our guilt. Our understanding will not be clouded anymore and we will know perfectly where we went wrong. That awareness can be horrific to possess because we are our own worst critics. There is pain that comes from realizing our mistakes. That pain is what is being described by scriptural references to "fire and brimstone." Alma describes it as wishing that he could cease to exist but knowing that he could not and would have to live with his mistakes and the hurts he caused others. This is where the Atonement comes in and why it is so useful and necessary. It makes it possible for us to forgive ourselves for the hurt we cause ourselves and others. Once we forgive ourselves we can carry on with hope and assurance that despite our mistakes we are good people.

Mosiah 4:9: "believe that [God] has all wisdom and all power both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things that the Lord can comprehend" Yet we are promised that we can and will comprehend all the things the Lord can comprehend IF we are willing to do what it takes to get to that point when we are ready to learn those things, even "all wisdom and all power."

Mosiah 4:10: "if you believe all these things see that ye do them."

Mosiah 4:11: Strike out "unworthy creatures" and its a great verse showing how we can feel God's love through forgiveness and how we can go about living a faithful life.

Mosiah 4:12: if you are faithful, ye shall be "filled with the love of God" and "ye shall grow in knowledge of that which is just and true." To me, this means a perfect knowledge and understanding of what is right. The world needs a great deal more of that and I take hold upon the promise that I can find it from the source of all true and goodness with the hope that everyone else can do the same.

Mosiah 4:13: Those who come to know the love of God (whether you think its how to love like God, be loved by God or show love to God), "ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably."

Mosiah 4:15: I'm really just including this verse because its one of my favorites and is my hope for what my children learn: "ye will teach [your children] to love one another and to serve one another."

Mosiah 4:16: Ye will succor those that stand in need of your succor, ye will administer of your substance unto him who standeth in need." And thus begins some of the greatest social justice verses in all of scripture. Also, cross-reference to the baptismal covenant (i.e. the covenant a member of the LDS church makes at baptism).

Mosiah 4:19-22, 26: Like I said, some of the best verses on the topic of social justice in all of scripture, perhaps all religion in general. This is the gospel of Christ in word and action.

Mosiah 4:24: Also empathizes and excuses those who feel guilty for not having enough to give. "I would that ye would say in your hearts, I give not because I have not, but if I had I would give."

Mosiah 4:27: Wise words indeed: "See that all things be done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a [wo]man should run faster than [s]he has strength."

Lessons from King Benjamin

2011-02-21T02:03:00.000-08:00

My son has shown us that he really likes being told scripture stories at night as we cuddle before at bedtime. He prefers it to reading scriptures out-loud (though I was really liking the idea proposed by Sister Wixom's General Conference talk). Our nightly scripture story has become kind of like those "Pick Your Adventure" books. After a series of questions, he'll let me know which book and often which person he wants the story to be about. Lately, its from the Book of Mormon and we've settled into Kind Benjamin's famous discourse in Mosiah.

We got started with Mosiah 2:17:

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

Which shows you, that basically, when I tell a scripture story I'm describing a principle and the context in which that principle was given. Each one becomes a lesson.

Next from Mosiah, we talked about the responsibility of the wealthy and those who have more than others to give to those who have less (from Mosiah 4:21).

There are so many other lessons that can be given and stories that can be told. I need to prepare myself for the next few nights with stories on hand. If I were to pick the principles that I most want to share with my young son, I would probably cover the following:

Especially Mosiah 4: 14 and 15

14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.

15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

Then, using verse 16, I can teach the vocabulary word "succor" and the importance of meeting the needs of those who are suffering. It should be tied into the baptismal covenant as well.

I love the concept taught in Mosiah 2:19 as it gives the unique perspective of God as Heavenly King. This seems like an appropriate time to describe Heavenly Mother as our Heavenly Queen as well. Then, of course, to emphasize the importance of gratitude for our needs being met and our blessings.

It seems appropriate to tell the story that King Benjamin prophesied about the coming of Christ in Mosiah 3:5. as well as described Christ's actions in his life and testified of his Atonement.

My son has heard it described before that as a little child he cannot sin or be held accountable for the mistakes he makes, and King Benjamin is also one of the sources for that teaching in Mosiah 3: 16.

I would use verse 19 as it describes the attributes of a child "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things..." but in my experience, that is not this child and it makes me wonder what those parents had to do to that child to make them that way. Certainly, my child does not come by these attributes naturally, though he is learning (and I'm learning too how to model it).

The subject of trust is a big one in our house since my son is not very trusting and its something that we would like to encourage. Verse 6 in chapter 4 emphasizes the need for the children of men to put their trust in the Lord and be diligent in keeping his commandments.

I also especially love verse 9 and see this as another situation where I can relate the verse to Mother in Heaven as well. I can encourage my son to "believe in God, believe that they are, and that they created all things...and that they have all wisdom and all power." It is also an opportunity to teach him of the promise that someday we too will receive all that they have, and be able to share that knowledge of what they comprehend.

So far that eight more nights of King Benjamin lessons and stories. We'll see if we can cover them all or if my son will be ready to move onto some new part of the scriptures.

As you can tell, I am focussing on the positive in these accounts and on what concrete actions can be taken. Given that he is 4, and that is how children learn (and that there is plenty of fire and brimstone in these chapters as well as debasing of the individual), I recognize that I must keep these stories developmentally appropriate so he sees that he is capable of learning and doing what is right to the greatest extent of his ability now.

I'm excited to see how long we can stretch this out. Truly the King Benjamin chapters are a favorite of mine in the Book of Mormon. (Lehi's vision is my favorite and that has already been a topic of FHE and scripture stories).

Visitation Dream

2011-02-18T01:50:00.000-08:00

Last week, I dreamed about my grandmother. She passed away in December of 2000 when I was a teenager. Her death affected me profoundly and played a role in my conversion as a Latter-day Saint.

The story there is that she was killed by a catastrophic stroke 13 months after my dad was killed in a car accident. Both deaths had me questioning the purpose of life and the possibility of life after death. Being agnostic, I struggled with the possibility of nothingness after life. The event that was a turning point in that struggle was attending one of my first LDS church meetings which just so happened to be a testimony meeting. A woman stood up and spoke of her grief at losing her mother to a stroke recently and she bore her testimony of the after life and the promise of being reunited with her mother again. She had the testimony of the knowledge that I wish I could have. At that point, I sought it and believed that sisters testimony was a sign to me. The similarity and the message given was exactly what I needed and seemed evidence that God was leading me to where I needed to be to find peace and comfort.

A couple of years later, I was a baptized member of the CoJCLDS and was attended the temple to perform her baptism by proxy. It was a commonly held belief in my family that the person who would have had the hardest time accepting my Mormonism would have been this grandmother. It was with some trepidation then that I approached the ordinance where I offered her an LDS baptism. The spiritual experience I had was unexpected. She is the only person for whom which I have preformed a temple baptism and felt it manifested to me at that moment their pleasure and appreciation at that opportunity being extended to them. The feelings I had were a unique combination of joy and elation that the next time I felt it was when I prayed to confirm my choice of marrying my husband. Both of these experiences are special, spiritual experiences that highlight my testimony.

In a way the dream I had was an extension of that impression I got from her baptism. Again it became clear to me of her happiness and joy at accepting an LDS baptism. (In life, she had been a devout Episcopalian).

I dreamed that I was visiting with a friend in a store where we had happened to run into each other. We were chatting and our conversation turned to the LDS belief in the afterlife. I shared with her how strongly I wished to be visited by my father or grandmother in a dream or vision. During the conversation, a person unknown to me came up to me and mentioned that someone was going to be coming to speak with me soon. This person, a young man slightly older than me, mentioned that he needed some help finding something nearby that he had been missing. In fact, it was a Subway sandwich. He was very excited about the idea of a Subway sandwich since according to him it had been years since he had an opportunity to eat one. I excused myself from the conversation with my friend and set out in search of the nearest Subway. Then, strangely, I realized that I had left my shoes behind so we had to return to the store where I left them before setting out again.

As I turned around to walk outside, I saw my grandmother walk through the door. She was wearing a bright turquoise tunic over ivory linen pants. Her hair was in her characteristic white teased shaped do (anyone who knows her know what I'm talking about) yet she looked younger than how I knew her in life. The sparkle in her eye was the same and she seemed so happy and healthy. I exclaimed, "Grandma!" and we embraced joyfully and then started chattering with each other. I caught the eye of my friend who realized the significance of this moment and cheered that I was seeing my grandmother again.

In the course of our conversation, I asked my grandmother a couple of questions about the afterlife and she communicated to me that the young man so excited about Subway was a guide from the spirit world to help make sure that she and I found each other. She told me about other men and women who were in the spirit world and how their bodies are made up of matter. At the end of our conversation, she held out a tray of cookies that she had made and offered them to me. This led to another series of questions about whether food existed in the spirit world. Obviously it did but something was lost in translation as it was difficult for her as a spirit to manipulate the matter of the cookies properly. She told me that it was done using the power of mind and visualization (similar to the concepts described in the book What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson). Because of the travel required from one plane of existence to another (spirit to temporal), the cookies did not materially appear the same to me as they did before she left. Not that this was an important bit of information, but it was still an interesting concept to learn.

As I began to think of other questions that I could ask her and wondered at how long I would be able to visit with her, I hugged her again. As I pulled away from her to ask her more questions, she disappeared from my presence, just as my father once disappeared mid-hug in a dream I had about him.

I woke up feeling so very happy to have been visited by my grandmother. I greatly miss her and feel at a detriment that I have not been able to learn from her as the last role model in my family to be a stay at home mother. I find myself similar to her in many ways especially as I show my love to my children through cooking with them and buying them toys. Those are my fondest memories with my grandmother and I find myself recreating those memories with my young ones.

As I pondered the dream, I realized the young man was a guide and I noticed the many similarities to how the afterlife was described in What Dreams May Come and how compatible those concepts are to the LDS understanding of the spirit world.

I am so grateful for this dream and for the happiness it brought into that day and the memory now that I can cherish.

Lingering Questions

2011-02-14T01:19:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading the newest work of Mormon scholarship on women administerring blessings in the early church written by Johnathan Stapley and Kristine Wright. Its surprisingly long-85 pages- most of which chronicles examples of women giving blessings between the 1830s and 1940s. The purpose of the article was actually to trace the changing views on the practice overtime and map how the practice was discontinued. Now that I have read it, I see a few places in which questions remain and I believe are worthy of further investigation.

A few questions that are lingering for me:

The 1949 statement of Joseph F. Smith did not actually prohibit the blessing and annointing of women during pregnancy (which was the only remaining allowable activity left to women of the church), so how and why then did it actually get discontinued? Where are the statements discouraging, rebuking, and correcting those who continued the practice? And if those statements do not exist, what then is keeping women of the church from continuing to give blessings to pregnant women?

What were the reactions of women of the church to the gradual restrictions placed on their religious practice of healing? Was there upset? Disappointment? Dissent?

The authors briefly refute the D. Michael Quinn claim that there is evidence supporting the idea that women were ordained to the priesthood but do not cite a more indepth refutation. Is there a scholarly work that does argue against Quinn's thesis?

Also missing from the article is the So What? An answer to the question, What do this mean for us now as Latter-day Saints? Is it enough to be comforted by knowledge of this heritage (e.g. that somehow knowing that women used to collaborate in the blessings of women, and the sick and afflicted makes us equal)? Ought there to be an effort to reclaim this privilege? What are the thoughts and feelings of LDS women to this knowledge? What is their response to the practice being phased out?

I will likely come back and write my more personal thoughts on this topic but for now I needed to get these questions down.

Pondering on death, nature and eternal perspectives

2011-02-06T01:32:00.000-08:00

In environmental biology, death is necessary in order to maintain population equilibrium when there is too much of one specie, it throws the whole system off. For example too many eagles in a population could kill off all of the frogs in an area and the area would be overrun with mosquitos and other flying insects because the frogs aren't there to keep their population in check. Death is a primary means of controlling population and maintaining that equilibrium. This then ties into the idea of "survival of the fittest," in order for populations to thrive, the weakest (often the young, old and sickly) need to not stand in the way of the overall population being healthy. If that means picking up and moving 2,000 miles, the weak are not able to make that trek, and they die either before the trip or along the way.

In that way, I do not think that death is a mistake of nature when all of the species of the natural world depend on a finite number of resources. The earth would not be able to provide for everyone and everything if everything lived forever. To maintain an eternal perspective, we must be willing to believe that this world is not all that there is. Is there an ideal place where there are enough resources to maintain life for everyone and everything without depleting those resources? Yes. Is it the earth in its state right now? No.

We do have the promise of a celestialized world where all of those concerns will not exist anymore or perhaps, we'll have been the ones to figure out the sustainable solutions rather that expect Christ to come and save us in our sins (e.g. fixing everything that we have so royally screwed up). So with that, you can find the eternal perspective of looking forward to when the earth is not limited by finite resources and have optimism that someday that ideal will be realized.

When it comes to connecting with nature, ritual and elements, while here on earth, I think it requires a healthy respect for death and an understanding of how all things work together for good. Nature is an intricate dance of interactions between species and systems. It finds a balance and has a way to correct imbalances over time. No mortal human or group of humans could work it out so well. I believe because nature is so finely tuned to work properly and that there are even good reasons for things to work improperly at times. Because of this, I believe that nature is worthy of respect and reverence. After all, without it, we could not exist. The elements are essential to our survival.

If we are to develop beyond where we are now and if we hope to turn our attentions to the things of the next world, we still have to respect and be mindful of the needs of now. I believe that as we make ourselves and our world healthier that we are more capable of learning what life has to offer us. This I believe is the intention behind of the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89).

At the same time, we are in the process of preparing to become gods (D&C 132:20). We are going to have to figure out at some point how to create and maintain worlds so life can perpetuate itself. If we are wise stewards on the earth now, we are like the servants in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25). When we are given something to start with, we are capable of turning in to something more or better than what we started with. Isn't that what is happening with us? And isn't that what we are supposed to do as gods?

I truly fear the the people who believe that it is not useful to sustain and conserve the earth are being like the servant who hides his talent. To me, its not so much a matter of replenishing the earth (because that implies taking it back to a previous state) but it is a matter of making the world better than when we started. And really, this is leading me to a new idea, that replenishing the earth may be a direction to restore the earth to its paradisiacal state in the Garden of Eden. That us humans are expected to figure out how to make that possible. I suspect that its a case "after all you can do, it is by grace you saved"(2 Nephi 25: 23) or in other words the parable of the bicycle. The little girl works and earns money to buy a bicycle but her parents pitch in the rest after she did all he could to earn the money. The Atonement works that way for us (Believing Christ: subheading Give Him All That We Have). After we put forth our best effort, do all we can and get as close as possible to attaining a seemingly (or truly) impossible goal, Christ, our Older Brother, will make up the rest of us and makes our efforts successful in attaining the goal.

In fact, I kind of have a theory that Christ will not come again until we have done as we can do to make the world as healthy and sustaining for everyone as possible. Its not until we do all we can, that he will come again and pick up where we left off.

I realize this is somewhat in contradiction to the general teachings of the Second Coming, but it is how I am finding a way to continue caring about this life. The ethical, right, good, praiseworthy choice seems to be working to make the world a better place through comforting those who stand in need of comfort and mourning with those who mourn. Often that can be done by working to prevent the situations where mourning is necessary (as in the case of infant mortality or unemployment). There is much much good that we can do in this world, and it makes no sense to not do it.

Not in the Lord's program

2011-01-27T00:13:00.000-08:00

A couple of people have brought this quote from President Hinckley to my attention over the last few days and I have been seriously pondering it. Especially interesting to me was how it could be contrasted with the interview he gave with David Random with ABC Australia news in 1997.

In both statements (on Mormon.org and interview with David Ransom), he says essentially the same thing "Women do not hold the priesthood because the Lord has put it that way. It is part of His program." However, one of the statements is much more definitive than the other. When asked by Ransom, if that could change, President Hinckley said that it could change but that it hasn't and won't because "there is no agitation for that."

My view is basically that in the quote published on Mormon.org, though he did not go onto state that the policy of women receiving the priesthood is subject to change, he could have. In a way, it does a disservice to the women of the church and those who care about equality for him to leave it like its a firm degree of God that women do not have the priesthood. In fact, there is no recorded revelation in the scriptures that says that only men are supposed to hold the priesthood. In my understanding of the doctrine, the scriptures are silent on that aspect of the priesthood.

Of course, him being prophet, he could have personally received a revelation saying that it was not God's will for women to hold the priesthood. Three problems though if that is the case: he did not ever clearly communicate this to the general membership of the church; he elsewhere mentioned that a revelation could be given that would change it (implying that a revelation did not set the policy in place originally); and any inspiration he had pertaining to women and the priesthood may have been applicable in that time but could be subject to change when revealed by the Lord that the time is right. For these reasons, I think its safe to say that the statement on Mormon.org is not authoritatively saying that it is God's will that women should not hold the priesthood. In any case, I highly doubt that he gave the matter serious attention and ever prayed to know if the current policy was God's will or not. I personally belief if he had asked, he would have received a very different answer (and the fact that he says a revelation could be received leads me to believe that he never did ask).

President Hinckley may not have been aware of the history of women and the priesthood. It would not surprise me that he hadn't read deeply into church history on that topic so he would not have known that Joseph Smith and many early Saints believed that women receive the priesthood (that is in the D. Michael Quinn chapter for quick reference).

It seems that the reasoning he is using in that statement follows like this: if women do not have the priesthood, then it must be because God revealed it to someone along the way that they are not supposed to. Because women do not have the priesthood, it must mean that God does not want them to." However, we both know how revelation works. People and prophets do not receive revelation by it coming out of the sky, but they must seek to know it. If no one ever received a revelation saying specifically that women cannot have the priesthood, then it has not been recorded and it is not contained within our scriptures. Many people speculate the reason women didn't receive the priesthood is due to cultural values of the time (though we have recorded in the Old and New Testaments instances of women as prophetesses and priestesses whether this was through the Melchizedek priesthood or not).

This is one of those cases where personal vs hierarchical revelation becomes tricky. What if Heavenly Father were to recognize that its important for a person's spiritual health to know specifically whether it is God's will for women to have the priesthood or not? Would HF reveal to a member of the church personally one way or the other? If He did, would that be different or the same as a person receiving revelation for the church or is it just for personal knowledge? Are there other examples of things that people can learn through the Spirit that may not be revealed to the leaders of the church but they can know for themselves?

I have my ideas but I want to hear yours.

Needing the gospel to be simple

2011-01-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

The gospel is simple for those who need it to be but expansive, complex and awesomely thought-provoking for those who don't need it to be. The people who need to get by with the gospel in terms of scripture stories, parables and being commanded in all things still make it through this life having accomplished what it is they set out to do. And that works for them. Its good for them. I think of the phrase in the Word of Wisdom "adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints." If that's all they can handle, then its a good thing that there is a program that works for them. Quite honestly, the church is best at this program for these members.

Its not so good at what I call the underbelly and that's where I find myself. A friend once suggested that to me that HF/HM want and need Sunstone/Dialouge/JMHA/Mormon Stories, etc. to exist because it provides the outlet and "meat of the gospel" for those who need it. In that way, there is enough of what each group needs.

The only problem comes when the Butter Side Up and the Butter Side Down people (name that reference for 1,000 points) get on persecuting and harshly judging each other. Often it comes from feeling threatening and a perception that the "other" is thinking negatively about self and then people start jumping to defensiveness and criticism which are two of the horsemen of the apocalypse (according to marriage researcher John Gottman).

I'm happy to live and let live for the people who need the gospel to be simple, *IF* they can allow me the same respect.

We here have obviously taken the blue pill (I think the gospel=simple folks took the red pill because they are stopped in their understanding) and we have very valid concerns that we will not be treated respectfully and kindly by those who live the gospel differently than we do. We after all have the memory of excommunications for apostasy because of others' earnest desires to seek and know.

I don't exactly understand why the gospel=simple people are SO defensive and protective of their stance and why they find us so threatening. Maybe its hard enough as it is for them that the thought of something harder is unbearable?

This is kind of my thoughts taking a turn but I'll just make this case for those of us who are here: if the plan really is to be able to create, lead and sustain our own worlds, we are going to need to know and understand a great deal more than what the 72 correlated points teach us. The way I see it, those who seek the mysteries of the gospel and aim to understand the complexities are getting some progressing done here on the earth that for the gospel=simple folks is saved for much later. At point, they are going to have to mature in their thinking and understanding. But it is going to have to be on their own time, in a way that God knows best.

Its not fair for us to force it (thinking: "for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength" Mosiah 4:27) but at the same time I do believe there can be more balance, respect and openness at church for all of us to fit there. There may be times that we can introduce some of our ideas in a way that does not inflame them and I would guess that the Spirit would be able to enlighten us at those times and with the right words.

Want to try an experiment where those of us who attend church pray to know the right words/timing to say something that is near and dear to our hearts? And then report here when it happens....

Let's see if this works

2011-01-24T11:49:00.000-08:00

There has been a great deal of debate recently among Mormons on the topic of women and the priesthood. I see basically three camps: people who think it is heresy to ask the prophets to receive a revelation, people who think its perfectly appropriate for members of the church for ask for the prophets to receive and revelation and people who do not care at all.

I count myself as one of those who do not think its inappropriate for members of the church to ask for the leaders to consult with God on a topic of particular interest, though if you read this conversation on my facebook page, you'll see many who disagree with me.

One of my friends linked to the page on Mormon.org that really got me thinking. In the past I had shied away from the question about women and the priesthood for my Mormon.org profile. I didn't feel I had a cohesive answer, but after learning about this conversation between President Hinckley (our former prophet who died in 2008) and an Australian interviewer, I felt like I had something I could finally say that didn't seem to conflict with this statement shared on Mormon.org.

Below is the answer I submitted to my Mormon.org profile. I don't know if it will be approved so I'll just wait and see. I hope it doesn't meet the fate of another answer that I attempted to post to my profile (it wasn't censored but it was withheld due to a glitch). If it is approved however, I at least will have a point of reference to say that "Look, my views aren't considered false doctrine! I have the official stamp of approval from Mormon.org!"

One of the reasons why women do not hold the priesthood in the Mormon Church is because, as President Hinckley said in an interview with an Australian reporter is that "there is no agitation for that." He seems to imply that if the members of the church were interested in women being ordained to the priesthood that a number of them ought to approach the leaders of the church expressing their interest. One faithful Mormon created a website where Mormons and non-Mormons can express their interest in women of the Mormon Church receiving the priesthood. The URL for that site is: www.agitatingfaithfully.org. If the leaders take the communication seriously, they have the opportunity to show the world that the Mormon church continues to receive revelation and that the church can change its practices as it better learns the mind and will of God. It would be up to the prophet and apostles of the church to counsel and pray together on the topic of women receiving the priesthood. If they can all agree that God is telling them to extend the priesthood to women, they will share that revelation with the church and the world. It may be that God does have a reason for women not to receive that priesthood and Mormons do believe that God can reveal his reasons through the prophet.

Until that time, Mormon women have many opportunities to serve within the church. The Relief Society is known as the biggest women's organization in the world and in each local congregation there is a leader or president of the Relief Society among the women of that congregation. There is a Relief Society presidency that oversees a small number of local congregation's Relief Society as well as a presidency that oversees all of the Relief Societies in local congregations throughout the world. The women of the church oversee the youth education program (Primary) of the church as well as the young women's education program. They are actively involved in family history, temple work, emergency preparedness, and humanitarian work in local congregations and throughout the world. Each woman of the church has many opportunities to serve the members of her congregation and local area and all members of the church are encouraged to be involved in volunteer organizations in their communities as well. Mormon women also serve as teachers in Sunday School and in worship services where they have the opportunity to teach all members of the church.

As you can see, there are many ways that women can be leaders in the church. They play an active role in keeping the church going and meeting the needs of all the members of the church even without the priesthood in addition to their work as very involved mothers (generally). Some argue that because of this women do not need the priesthood for these reasons.

There's a chance that the URL won't make it through which is fine. I can edit it that out, but for those who are not Mormon and care about gender issues, it may be very useful for them to see directly the effort that is being made by members of the church.I'm interested to see what will happen and how the reviewers at Mormon.org will handle it.

Being the woman of Proverbs 31

2011-01-15T03:30:00.000-08:00

This woman is doing "A Year of Living Biblically" for Women this year. It sounds fascinating and I'm looking forward to following her as she spend this year literally living ever commandment/direction given to women in the Bible.

She gives some examples of these commandments:

This means, among other things, rising before dawn each day (Proverbs 31:15), submitting to my husband (Colossians 3:18), growing out my hair (1 Corinthians 11:15), making my own clothes, (Proverbs 31:22), learning how to cook (Titus 2:3-5), covering my head when in prayer (1 Corinthians 11:5), calling Dan “master” (1 Peter 3:5-6), caring for the poor (Proverbs 31:25), nurturing a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4), and camping out in the backyard for the duration of my monthly period (Leviticus 15:19-33).

There will be a book and she is vlogging the year as well. It will certainly spark some interest and she definitely looking at it from a feminist perspective aw well.

Her project for this month is to take on Proverbs 31. Which I must say is laughable. She has a list of 17 things to do that would correspond to phrases from the set of verses describing a virtuous and admirable woman. But its her project and she's got a whole lot more than just that chapter to cover so I'm wishing her the best of luck on those goals.

For me, however, I would like to make those goals my goals for the year of 2011. It is not realistic for me to do all of it in one month, but if I can do it one year, I'd be happy.

So I think I'm going to try it.

Here are the phrases that I'll fill in with projects and plans:

In her hand she hold the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers (vs. 19); She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands (vs. 13)

I could take up spinning this year! I was introduced to it at the Camlann Medieval village last year and it seems like an activity to do with my hands that was neither difficult and at the same time soothing. This could be a good reason to turn it into my new hobby.

She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple (vs. 22)

I do have plans to make a Rennaisance dress in purple for myself with a linen chemise....

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet (vs. 21)

Knitted hats in scarlet would be easy. But mittens or gloves would be better. Is this the year I learn to knit??

She makes coverings for her bed (vs. 22)

My bed doesn't need any additional coverings, but I can sew pillow cases...A canopy or bed tent would be cool...

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes (vs. 23)

I do have a goal to craft (probably onesies and childrens' t-shirts with embroidery) and then sell them on an crafter collective of Mormon women*.

She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar (vs. 14)

I will continue to shop at grocery stores... (unlike this woman)

She provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls (vs. 15)

I do not have a servant girl though perhaps my mother might count since she will be earning her keep by caring for children and doing housework. And since I will be doing the cooking for her, then, yes, I would be providing portions for my "servant girl."

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard (vs. 16)

I'm planting a garden again this year!

Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land (v. 23)

Not sure what this one will take shape as...though I am helping him return to "his seat among the elders" at the university as he recovers from his illness. Maybe he will receive "respect at the city gate" if we take that trip to North Carolina for him to interview with potential postdoc advisers (which he wouldn't have even considered if I hadn't suggested it...)

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy (vs. 20)

I will continue to follow the recommendation of "The Life You can Save" to give one percent of our income to aid organizations combating poverty in the developing world, as well as craft for donations to aid organizations, pay a fast offering once a month and provide whatever service I can for community members and those I come in contact with. I am considering dividing my tithing money between Humanitarian Aid and the general tithing fund of the LDS Church. Maybe I should also make a point to carry around cash that I can give to the homeless I see around the city? My typical excuse is that I don't have currency to give. Maybe carry a stock of food in the car?

All of that, over a year is doable. What I love about the list is that it has elements of Radical Homemaking and social justice as well as female empowerment, entrepreneurship and mothering. In fact, I think I may blog about this on the WAVE Women's Service Mission.

To be fair, these also must be added:

She gets up while it is still dark (vs. 15)
A woman who fears the Lord should be praised (vs. 30)
She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong (vs. 17)
She provides food for her family (vs. 15)
She watches over the affairs of the home (vs. 27)
She does him good, not evil (vs. 12)
[She] does not eat the bread of idleness (vs. 27)
Her lamp does not go out at night (vs. 18)

Can I just give up right now on the getting up while its still dark!?

*This is referring to a project that will be unveiled in the near future. Courtney describes it in the comments of this post at WAVE.

There's scripture study and then there is this...

2011-01-15T01:33:00.000-08:00

This is Willem's new favorite book. And because its highly engineered paper art, we keep it high on the shelf and only pull it down when he requests and quite honestly it never leaves my hands.

It depicts the stories from Genesis: the creation, the Garden of Eden, Noah and the Ark, the Tower of Babel, Jacob's dream of the ladder to heaven, and Joseph in Egypt. The artwork is beautiful and the information is overwhelming honestly. It has fold out books that discuss the artwork on the page, as well as other famous works of the same story. It also has background information into that story of the Bible, with verses and summarizes of the book. We have not been able to explore it completely because its for a maturer level than Willem at his 3-almost-4 years of age.

He has been getting a great deal of out of it, however.

Tonight, we looked at it for scripture study and I discovered that its the best scripture study I've experienced with him. Its 3-D, its concrete, visual, tactile, truly perfect for young cognition.

While looking at the page for the creation, Willem picked which days he wanted to read about. Under each pop-up image of the day, there is a tab you can pull out to read the verses from Genesis. Tonight, he chose separating the light from the darkness and the creation of the animals. When reading about the greater and lesser lights, we asked him if he knew what that meant.

Me: "What does 'the greater light to rule the day' mean? What is that?"
Willem: The Sun
Me: "What does 'the lesser light to rule the night' mean? What is that?"
Willem: The Moon

How's that for language arts and beginning to understand metaphor!

Next on the page for the Garden of Eden, we asked what the story was about and he tried to explain that it was something about eating the fruit. That's a good start. I asked him if he knew what would happen if they ate the fruit, he didn't know so we talked about what the phrase "and ye shall surely die" means. I told him that I don't think it means that Adam and Eve would die instantly after eating the fruit. Its not like it was going to make them sick and kill them, but that it meant that they would leave the garden and be subject to mortality. They would live, learn, grow old and die as a consequence of eating the fruit.

I asked him which one he would pick: Would he eat the fruit and leave the garden or would he want to stay?

Such a proud mommy moment when he said he would choose to eat the fruit to leave the garden. My son would make the courageous choice that Eve made!

I then asked him what choice he thought Adam made. Did Adam eat the fruit so he could stay with Eve or did he stay? He got that answer wrong but we were then able to explain how Adam did the best he could to be obedient to God's commandment so he chose to eat the fruit to stay with Eve. He chose to break one commandment in order to keep another, otherwise, Eve would have been alone in the world and that's not the way to make babies...

But my favorite part was when we came to the page with the Tower of Bable. He started telling my husband the story of how the people built the tower to get close to God and then he said, "But they didn't need to build a tower, they needed to pray to God."

My husband and I beamed at each other on that one. I then asked a question that I was hesitant to ask because I really didn't want him to feel led into answering a certain way, but I felt it was right to ask and I also know that he's so without guile that he will answer honestly. I asked him if he felt that he was close to God when he prays and he said yes.

This is progress because I have asked at other times and bore my testimony to him of prayer on other occasions and in the past he has seemed skeptical. I have been careful to not force my beliefs on him or to expect certain answers but to encourage him to be honest with me about what he feels is right. I hope this is an example of that.

I want more than anything for the Spirit to teach him and not for him to learn the "right" answers by parroting what we say or teach him. And so often, the challenge for that with young child is through teaching in a developmentally appropriate manner. It is very hard to teach in the way that children learn abstract concepts like God, Spirit and the past. If its not right here, right now, in front of them in a way they can touch and interact with, it will be difficult for them to learn and understand. That is my biggest challenge as a mother and a preschool teacher teaching the gospel to my young children and any time I can find something that is meets that criteria, I am happy for it.

This also seems like a good time to mention this set that I have seen: a fantastic bible felt board set with 600 peices or something. Willem is almost the age where this would be a great resource for Family Home Evenings and reading the Bible as a family for scripture study. If only there was a set for the Book of Mormon...

If ever there was a time...

2011-01-04T02:15:00.000-08:00

If ever there was a time for a Mormon woman to give her husband a healing blessing it would be now, as I listen to my husband weeze, cough and struggle to catch his breath as he battles pneumonia.

Why is it that Mormon women are not allowed to give priesthood blessings?

That's a whole long and debatable thing, but the story that I have pieced together is this:

At the time of the restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ, the Prophet Joseph Smith taught the women of the church to laying their hands on the heads of their loved ones and bless them with healing. The women were well known for their faith and the miraculous ministrations that they were able to share with others (1). As the church grew, and after the Prophet died, members of the church began to question, if they were so special, being the Lord's anointed and members of God's church on the earth, why were people of other religions able to bless people with healing and health? If Mormons weren't special in being able to heal, then what made them special and different? How did they/were they going to stand apart from the rest of Christendom? The answer that members of the church came up with was Priesthood. (2) Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have the priesthood (the authority granted by God, restored through the Prophet, to act in God's name on the earth). Wait a minute, do women have the priesthood? Well, the men do at least. Because of the dubious nature of women's priesthood status, women began to be uncomfortable giving blessings of healing. By 1946, the practice ended completely when the leaders of the Relief Society were told it was no longer approved “for sisters to wash and anoint other sisters."(3)

I'm not making this up and if you are interested to read where I have learned these ideas, I refer you to:
1) A Gift Given, A Gift Taken Away by Linda King Newell
2) Female Ritual Healing and Mormonism (Podcast with J. Stapley at By Common Consent)
3) Mormon Women Have Had the Priesthood Since 1843 by D. Michael Quinn

Hearing my husband suffer is almost enough to make me get over my fear of using priesthood authority improperly and bless my husband as the women of old did. In the name of Jesus Christ without invoking any priesthood authority.

That begs, the question: do I want the priesthood?

No, not especially. But I would like to be able to minister spiritually to my husband and children when sick. I find it upsetting that women of the church were once able to give blessings to their loved ones and they are no longer allowed. In my understanding of things, there was no revelation taking this privilege away. And its very upsetting to me that such a drastic change could take place in the church without revelation. If that is the case, and it is not the will of God to withhold that right from women, then why can't women return to giving blessings?

The obvious answer is that there is enough belief in the church that it is the will of God that any woman who did so would be both in open rebellion to God and the leaders of the church and therefore subject to church discipline and risk placing her eternal salvation in jeopardy.

And that's exactly what it feels like: jeopardy. Either I do what I feel is right for my family and risk my standing in the church or I protect my church status by withholding a known remedy from my loved ones.

I'm tired of it. I only want to care about what is right in the eyes of God and stop caring about the eyes of man.

Introducing Mother Wheel (and Outing Myself!)

2011-01-04T01:03:00.000-08:00

This is cross-posted from Mother Wheel (a new blog where a group of LDS mothers and I lead our families in celebrating the Pagan Wheel of the Year). This post is an explanation for the why behind my participation.

At the age of 13, I embarked on a journey of religious exploration. My parents raised me in the Unitarian Universalist Church and one of the religion's guiding principles is that each person is encouraged to be on a "free and responsible search for truth and meaning." I didn't know at the time when I set out to honestly seek to find and embrace truth that I would end up a Mormon with pagan leanings. Before I joined the LDS Church, I learned and loved a great deal about Wicca. I loved the emphasis on nature and the beauty of the earth as well as the recognition and honor of a female deity. Though I found a portion of truth I was seeking there, I did not feel it was complete and continued my search.

In 2001, I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love the doctrine of Mormon theology that families can extend beyond the grave, that life is but a short while of our existence, that there is a grand plan that extends beyond what we know and love here. The goodness of life and love continue on. Joseph Smith, the founder of the LDS Church, and prophet of the restoration of the gospel, taught that Heavenly Father is an exalted man who in order to be exalted must be married and that his wife has also been exalted and inherited the powers, dominions, thrones and principalities of divinity. God the Father and God the Mother rule together as equal partners . In our dominant culture. very little is known or understood about God the Mother, but as a mother and woman myself, I have a desire to seek after the goodness and truth that I can know of Her. One of the concepts I love about Mormon theology is that truth is embraced wherever it can be found and that we are encouraged to seek after the things that are good, virtuous and praiseworthy because all good things come from God.

Now, 10 years after my conversion I am coming full circle. After 10 years of looking towards a better world and securing my knowledge of the afterlife and my faith and hope in being reunited with deceased loved ones, it is time for me to connect with the earth and my life here. My children are young and just starting to learn about their purpose here on the earth, part of which is to "replenish the earth" and use the bounty of the earth for the benefit and use of humankind. For my children, I want them to secure the blessings promised to them in the Word of Wisdom:

"And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint."

In teaching them to honor the cycles of the earth, I believe that they and I will learn some of those hidden treasures, that we will find beauty and joy in the world around us, strengthen our family bonds here and in the afterlife and live gently on the earth making our home here a heaven on earth.

I am looking forward to this year of celebration and gratitude for the blessings of nature and the love of God that is manifest in them.

So that's why I am outing myself as a Mormon Pagan. It is something I feel led to do and I am pleased to join with a group of LDS women in embracing our roles as "priestesses" in our homes. For a description of Mother Wheel, our mission, purpose and for personal introductions to each of the contributors, please visit our About Us page.

My favorite part of the introduction is, well, pretty much the whole thing. The personal introductions are also very inspiring. At least two of our contributors came to the LDS Church because of its similarities to Paganism and reading their experiences is fascinating.

The Tune for "If You Could Hie to Kolob"

2010-12-28T01:56:00.000-08:00

If You Could Hie to Kolob is one of my favorite hymns. The melody itself makes up a large part of that though I greatly love the expansive view of creation and existence that is brings to LDS culture. I was surprised to hear the tune in unexpected places over the last few days. Sitting in the middle of my neighborhood bookstore, I hear a Celtic fiddle version of it and different lyrics being sung.

Its not surprising because I do know that many of the hymns are arranged to familiar and commonly used tunes. It just was surprising to me to find it popping up. This is the first time I can recall hearing a tune of familiar LDS hymn in a different context.

As I learned more about the tune (its named Kingsford in the LDS Hymnbook), I discovered three different versions of it telling very different stories (in addition to the words of Parley P. Pratt).

First is "The Seven Rejoices of Mary" sung by Loreena McKennit which tells the story of Mary watching her child, Jesus, grow up and the joy she experienced seeing him fulfill his purpose on the earth.

The next, which is likely a more original use of the tune is "Dives and Lazarus" which tells the story of the rich man from Luke 16:20-31 who turns away a beggar in life and then after death finds himself begging for relief from the same beggar he shunned previously.

The third is "The Star of the County Down" which is a Irish folktune, also performed by Loreena McKennit. Its a typical song of a renowned Irish beauty and her admirer's pining after her.

You can hear many versions of the tune I've mention by searching for them on iTunes. I think my favorite is the punk/ska version I found of Dives and Lazarus by June Tabor and the Oyster band. With my love of the RM and Single's Ward soundtracks for their rock/punk/ska/dance/R&B stylings of LDS hymns, its really no wonder.

The wikipedia page about the ballad's tune also lists a few more songs that have used the same tune and good for the person who created the stub, If You Could Hie to Kolob was included in the list.

Lastly, I'll link to this one of particular interest because of the testimony of Christ that is given in the world. O Sing O Sing of Bethelem would be a fitting Christmas or Easter song in LDS ward meetings, as well as for the sacrament hymn with its final verse, saying:

O sing a song of Calvary, its glory and dismay,

Of Him who hung upon the tree, and took our sins away.

For He who died on Calvary is risen from the grave,

And Christ, our Lord, by Heaven adored, is mighty now to save.

Full Moon, Lunar Eclipse Family Home Evening

2010-12-23T00:21:00.001-08:00

Monday night was the full moon and also that night was the lunar eclipse. Because of our effort to teach our children nature appreciation and to find the Spirit in the beauty of the earth, it was the perfect Family Home Evening activity and lesson.

We started by going outside to look up at the moon. We talked about how the moon changed appearance throughout the month and why that night, we could see the perfect sphere of the full moon.

We sang the hymn "For The Beauty of the Earth" and a la Heather at Mutual Approbation, we sang the verses like this:

For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies,
God, Our Father, we now raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flow’r,
Sun and moon, and stars of light,
God, Our Mother, we now raise
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth, and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild,
Christ, Our Brother, we now raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

After a prayer, the four of us went on a walk under the full moon.

We were fortunate that the clouds had cleared at this time because it had been cloudy earlier in the evening. After getting home, it was time for a treat and then bed.

My husband and I had been planning on getting the children to sleep so we could go outside and watch the lunar eclipse together, but Willem and Belle were not going for that plan. At a certain point once it started getting close to when the eclipse was starting, we gave up getting them to bed. Then, of course, Belle hit the point of "Bed, now!" right as it was starting. While Peter laid down to get her to sleep, Willem and I went outside and were able to watch the shadow of the sun cross the moon.

We had some sweet mama and son time while he sat cuddled on my lap and we watched the moon and talked about what we were seeing. I truly believe he understood (we had done solar system models of the moon/earth orbit with him before, and the Eric Carle book "Papa, Please Get the Moon For Me" helped him to understand the phases.)

Once the moon was completely covered by the lunar shadow, the clouds started to roll in. For 15 minutes or so, we could catch brief twinkles of the darkened moon from behind the clouds. Peter came out to join us and we sat happily as a family for a while until it became clear that we were not going to be seeing the moon again that night for the cloud cover.

We were able to reminiscence on the last lunar eclipse we had viewed together. (It was when Willem was a year old and we took a walk down to the edge of Lake Washington to view it.)

With that, and by that time, Willem was really showing signs of needing to sleep, we all went inside to bed. Later in the night, I went back out to check if by chance I could see it as the shadow moved away but by that time it was cloudy and rainy.

So the next day, I had to content myself from seeing the eclipse in time-lapse from the perspective of a Floridian:

Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse from William Castleman on Vimeo.

Observing the Winter Solstice

2010-12-22T22:53:00.001-08:00

I was very excited when last week my husband and I were having one of our late night conversations and he showed a great deal of interest in the Pagan ideas I had recently been exploring. We agreed on the goodness that would come from teaching our children about nature and science through experiential learning. I had been drawn to celebrating the Wheel of the Year as I learned about gardening, pregnancy and childbirth and the origins of our cultural traditions. Together, my husband and I committed to observing the wheel of the year in order to teach our children, incorporate ritual and tradition into our family life and to give thanks and praise to God for the earth.

The following is a description of how we observed the Winter Solstice on December 21.

Using LED candles (because I know my kids would attack fire and wax if given the chance!), I created a circle, with one candle in each direction. At north, south, east and west, I placed an object representing one of the elements: earth, air, fire and water. To the west (water), I placed a vial with water in it, to the north, a pumpkin as a product of the earth, to the east, a balloon filled with helium (air) and to the south, a lighted wax candle (fire). This was done to provide contextual evidence to small children what these abstract ideas are in a concrete reality.

That's Willem, waiting excitedly for the ritual to start.

We started by going around the circle and describing how each element is necessary for our continued survival on the earth and that we are thankful for each one of them. I truly believe because it was illustrated in such a concrete way, Willem understood it.

After naming and describing the elements and expressing our gratitude for them, we went around the circle again, this time reading a poem for Solstice at each element.

I read them in this order, each poem at a different element:

The longest night has come once more,
the sun has set, and darkness fallen.
The trees are bare, the earth asleep,
and the skies are cold and black.
Yet tonight we rejoice, in this longest night,
embracing the darkness that enfolds us.
We welcome the night and all that it holds,
as the light of the stars shines down.

The food is put away for the winter,
the crops are set aside to feed us,
the cattle are come down from their fields,
and the sheep are in from the pasture.
The land is cold, the sea is stormy, the sky is gray.
The nights are dark, but we have our family,
kin and clan around the hearth,
staying warm in the midst of darkness,
our spirit and love a flame
a beacon burning brightly
in the night.

As the earth grows colder,
the winds blow faster,
the fire dwindles smaller,
and the rains fall harder,
let the light of the sun
find its way home.

Ending on fire, and to celebrate the return of the sun, Willem repeated after me as I read the following lines:

The sun returns! The light returns!
The earth begins to warm once more!
The time of darkness has passed,
and a path of light begins the new day.
Welcome, welcome, the heat of the sun,
blessing us all with its rays.

To close, my husband offered a beautiful prayer giving thanks for the elements and the earth and to God for the creation of it.

In the end, it was short (probably only 10 minutes) but simple and effective. The Spirit was in our home in a special and meaningful way that night. It was just the encouragement I needed to continue building on this tradition with my family.

And for some additional cuteness, Belle was certainly interested and excited to be apart of it.

Christ's Birth

2010-12-18T01:28:00.000-08:00

I found this tonight which I think is interesting:

December 8th: Immaculate Conception of Maryis celebrated in many Latin countries as, according to Catholic doctrine, the day of the conception of the Virgin Mary. The doctrine says that God had preserved Mary from original sin, giving her his grace, the divine life of Jesus Christ.

Read more at Suite101: Winter Holidays, Celebrate December!

This is actually referring to Mary's conception and birth but my mind immediately went to thinking about Christ's conception, and Mary's pregnancy with him. Fitting as its Christmas time and all.

We know that Christ wasn't actually born at Christmas time with most scholars thinking that he was actually born early to mid-Spring. Latter-day Saints believe he was born in April. Using the date, April 6, I thought it would be very cool to know the date of his conception AND birth.

If he had been born at 40 weeks gestation exactly, he would have been conceived in mid July. Using the birthing window that many women not ever faithful in their calculated due date, He may have been born between 37 weeks to be full term and 44 weeks at the outside, meaning he could have been conceived as early as mid June or as late as early August.

Wit that, I then ponder what those last few days of Mary's pregnancy was like based on those 2 scenarios.

First, birth between 37-39 weeks:

The Mary is compelled to go to Nazareth with Joseph to pay the taxes decreed by Cyrenius and she was full-term but not quite to 40 weeks. Maybe she was 37 or 38 weeks pregnant. She hopes that on the trip the baby will not be born and she can return to her home in Galilee to give birth after the tax collecting is done.

The long, arduous, dusty and dehydrating trip caused contractions to start before her due date. As she arrives in Nazareth and they are looking for an inn, she is having contractions and they are increasing in intensity and regularity. If she were me, she'd been freaking out a little. They settle into the stable and within a few hours, Christ is born into hers or Joseph's hands.

The other scenario, birth at due date or over due:

She's past her due date like the majority of first time moms, the baby hasn't been born yet and they have to get to Nazareth to obey the decree of the governor. She hopes that either the baby will wait until after they get back or that the baby can be born before they leave. In most mother's minds, anything is better than laboring on the back of a donkey or giving birth far from home without the presence of wise women: mother, aunts, sisters and cousins. She doesn't get her wish and contractions start during the trip. She's contracting while trying to find a place to birth her baby. The stable does the job and the Christ child is born there.

Either way, my heart goes out to this young girl who gave birth far from her family and home amongst animals and hay. Maybe she was as Zen about it as she is portrayed in the scriptures, but maybe that was a very stressful and upsetting situation for her to be in. Either way, I've been in both of the situations described above. And honestly, I think the over-due scenario would be worse.

Though its not mentioned, I do guess that Mary and Joseph would have been able to locate a midwife to attend the birth if they so chose. Though perhaps it was in the day when the midwife only was called when assistance was needed after some concern or complication arose. Whether Christ's birth was attended by a midwife or unassisted is a toss-up. The unassisted birthers like to claim that Christ was an unassisted birth, so for the sake of not knowing, I won't rain on their parade.

Alright, end of birth geek mode at Christmas time, that's what you get from a midwifery student...

Finding the Goddess

2010-12-13T02:17:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to read the book "When God Was a Woman." I picked it up from D.I. and its exciting to me to once again pursue my interested in the Goddess. In high school, before I started investigating the LDS church, I was interested in learning about a Deity with whom I shared the same gender. At the time, I rejected Goddess worship because I felt the Male was marginalized. Choosing to worship her would have been no better than what obviously happened at some point in history, there was a choice to put one before the other. All I wanted was to find a tradition where both Male and Female were valued together where they ruled and reigned together in perfect balance.

To be honest, the closest I have come to finding that in the LDS Church. Mormons at least believe that a Mother in Heaven exists, even if she is marginalized and preference is given to God the Father. The potential is there, however, for both to be found together and honored together. Unfortunately, it requires some pretty independent thinking to appreciate that union. In my experiences as a Mormon, I have come to know my Heavenly Father very well and love him deeply. As I ponder on my Mother in Heaven, I am led to believe that all along She too has heard my prayers and though they may have been directed to Her husband, that She has heard all those prayers, been an active player in the answers I've received and the divine guidance given me. In short, I feel She has loved me too. I can envision her side by side my Father in Heaven, counseling with him in how to minister to me and in whatever way she can giving me all I need.

So, how then did she get so hidden from us? How is that she can be one of the active listeners to our prayers but the world over few know she is listening?

I learned from "When God Was a Woman" that early peoples of the earth did not know that sexual intercourse between a man and woman led to the production of off-spring. They thought that woman was magic; that somehow she created a child within her body, grew it and then birthed it. Man was marginalized in the society. His equal role was not recognized or understood. Because woman was seen to be the Creator, the deity worshipped was woman. Man was left out entirely. Women today know what that is like so its relatively easy to be sympathetic.

So from long ago, the people of the earth inherited an imbalanced, less that correct view of gender and God. The pendulum was all the way as high as it could go on the woman's side. As with all pendulums, it was going to swing and its not surprise that next it went all the way over to the other extreme with man. I can't say that cultural shift is happening, and if it is, I'm coming in the fore-end of it, but next that pendulum will shift again and hopefully, if us humans can be intelligent enough, that it will rest in the middle. With Man and Woman recognized as God and Goddess, Father and Mother. Whatever the world around me says and does, that's what I'm working for--a balance between gendered deity which I believe is more reflective of the true nature of God. Someday, the truth will be seen though our vision now is imperfect as we strive on the earth.

I likely will have other insights as I read the book which you can count on me to blog about some of them here.

As I integrate these beliefs into practice, I am seeking to know how to relate to either parent separately. Is that necessary? Or is their union so complete that they truly are one? Perhaps, being separated by the veil, they are not separate in prayers. A prayer to one is a prayer to the other? If that's the case then praying to God or Father in Heaven, is also a prayer to Mother in Heaven and no one needs to be the wiser that a person seeking Heavenly Mother is finding her in prayer.

When the Manna Gets Old

2010-11-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

The Israelites in the Book of Exodus were fed miraculously with bread of heaven as they wandered in the wilderness. The bread, manna, fell from heaven each morning and provided all they needed for that day. In the evening, they enjoyed meat from quail provided to their camp. After a while though, they got bored and they wanted something different. They missed what they had left behind.

From Numbers 11:

5 We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

6 But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna before our eyes.

This is a well-known scene from the Old Testament and it becomes in our modern times an example of not being happy with what you have, seeking luxury, being ungrateful, greedy and selfish.

Another pretty obvious parallel is the bread of heaven as a symbol for the bread of life. In the modern LDS church, I can see this case being made: Heavenly Father has revealed a certain amount of doctrine and gospel light to the people of the world and they have an obligation to daily partake of it and live according to its principles. These doctrines are made available through the scriptures and teachings of the prophets (i.e. the bread of life). If members of the church become bored with or tired of these teachings then they are obviously in the same error as the ancient Israelites. These Church members are unable to be happy with what they have, but vainly seek for more. Their selfishness is deplorable and in extension, they can be used as an example of sinful behavior. This can be used to denounce the people who enjoy speculation or scholarship or those who mention a desire for revelation on certain topics or those who seek to understand "the mysteries" mentioned throughout the scriptures.

And to those who make that case, I will say that their meaning sounds an awful lot like the people denounced in The Book of Mormon for saying, "A bible, a bible, we have got a bible. We have not need for any more bible."

Member of the church would be familiar with the foundation principles of the gospel being the core focus of correlation. I learned from Daymon Smith's Mormon Stories Podcast that correlation consists of 72 gospel principles and core doctrines that are intended to be solely concentrated on throughout the church and throughout the world.

In response to that presentation, I commented:

I’m coming to this discussion late, but after just listening to Part 2, have to comment that the discussion on correlation is informing and validating some of my frustrations with the 72 ideas of the gospel. I’m feel pretty solid on those, to be honest. I got it down. I’m bored with the general instruction of correlation and like Andrew referred to I’m itching to move on to the “mysteries.” How I wish there was a post-correlation track for those who are ready to move beyond the basics and seek the “further light and knowledge” that is in the realm of pure speculation now? Sunstone is great for that, of course, but hardly mainstream in the church.

I can't believe that Heavenly Father wants us to stop in our progression and refrain from seeking greater light and intelligence in this life, yet I see this being taught in his church. It saddens me. I find myself in a situation where I have to hide my thoughts and feelings in fear of the judgement and persecution of others.

I know that one of the arguments supporting the idea that those who aren't content with revealed gospel knowledge are ungrateful and selfish also claim that members of the church have the obligation to become perfect in the principles of the gospel that we do have knowledge of. In extension, it is because we are not perfect in these things that we have been deemed unworthy by God to receive any further information. Its as if we are in a period of being damned and halted in our progression because we aren't good enough at what we've got.

That may be true. Yet can such a sweeping generalization be true of everyone? Is this a judgement that we are experiencing because, like many other situations in life, the many are ruining it for the few or, like in other situations, the few are ruining it for the many?

If that is the case, then it might be accurate to say that some members of the church truly are ready to progress beyond correlated principles and to learn through revelation some of the less important doctrine that help us make sense of everything that is and all that will be revealed. If the glory of God is intelligence, why are damned if we seek it?

Those who defend the correlated view say that it is important to have a strong foundation and to not stray from it. That what is taught by the church is the foundation and most important information of the gospel and all we need to know to get back to our heavenly parents. While that is true, and it is important for each member of the church to be firmly established in gospel sod, you can't live in a house that is just a foundation.

Having heard the same lessons repeated with little variance over the last few years has left me weary and yearning for more. And if I run the risk of sounding like an Israelite complaining about manna, I think I'll take it considering my intention is "to hunger and thirst after righteousness."

Reflections on Marriage : A History

2010-11-04T00:35:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Marriage A History by Stephanie Coontz which has been talked about recently on the Exponent blog. Through out my reading, I saw how one of the most profound changes to marriage was (and I don't know if it was because of or is just a side-effect) women becoming recognized as people and not property. There is still much to do on that and our culture is still very much imbued with the past where women didn't matter. I realize that the freedoms we enjoy now are tenuous at best. We can count ourselves as lucky but we're conditioned to be afraid of pushing for more.

I really think that this translates into the church. You can't take the cultural and historical context of our society/country/cultural world out of the administration of the church. From reading Marriage a History, I'm not so confident in the concept of traditional marriage that is being upheld by the church. If traditional marriage was only a short-lived phenomenon which only came about as a natural progression of people trying to figure out what was right, fair and good for them while at the same having subtle but very negative effects on women especially, how is that the will of God? And if the church is wrong on the ideal structure to marriage and women's and men's responsibilities to their families, then perhaps the extension of the priesthood is a continuation of the progress that we as people need to continue making so women can finally after so many centuries be treated equally.

It seems to me that the leaders need to be convinced of this but they are so busy only seeing it from their perspective and believing that they have the clarity of vision to know how women feel in relation to it that there's not a whole lot of hope to see things change. But perhaps there is hope, 50 years ago things were really sucking for women and I have to say that I prefer the role strain and frustration of being a woman now to envisioning living in that world then. 50 years from now could be better than what we have now, right?

There's some positive things taking place. Equality in parenting and employment is becoming more of a reality (reading War on Moms now). WAVE exists. I do believe that women's opportunities will expand in the next 50 years to where women will not be penalized to the extent that they are now for being mothers and caring for their children. It may take a great deal of time and patience for the leaders of the church to embrace the new order of men and women working part-time and caring for children part time relying little on childcare and having respected careers while being able to afford living comfortably. It sounds so utopian but I think that it could happen in the next 50 years in the United States. That's already the reality in Holland. It makes me want to move to Holland. I've been threatening becoming an ex-pat for so long that I wonder if someday we'll actually do it.

If the leaders of the church saw that reality, it makes me think that women's involvement in the church would change too because they'd finally be willing to seriously consider the thoughts and feelings of the sisters.

I originally wrote these thoughts with the ideas of from this post floating in my head where the writer is decidedly pessimistic in hopes of these things happening within the church. Where do you stand?

Going to Meet Mother

2010-11-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

The following is an obvious allegory of faith in God and confidence in life after death in addition to the metaphor of a baby's introduction to life and its mother's arm. Yet, to me, it strikes a different chord. That of my desire to connect with my Heavenly Mother.

Spirit Twins

Imagine this scene if you will.

Two babies are in utero confined to the wall of their mother’s womb, and they are having a conversation. For the sake of clarity we’ll call these twins Ego and Spirit.

Spirit says to Ego, “I know you are going to find this difficult to accept, but I truly believe there is life after birth.”

Ego responds, “Don’t be ridiculous. Look around you. This is all there is. Why must you always be thinking about something beyond this reality? Accept your lot in life. Make yourself comfortable and forget about all this life-after-birth nonsense.”

Spirit quiets down for a while, but her inner voice won’t allow her to remain silent any longer. “Ego, now don’t get mad, but I have something else to say. I also believe that there is a Mother.”

“A Mother!” Ego guffaws. “How can you be so absurd? You’ve never seen a Mother. Why can’t you accept that this is all there is? The idea of a Mother is crazy. You are here alone with me. This is your reality. Now grab hold of that cord. Go into your corner and stop being so silly. Trust me, there is no Mother.”

Spirit reluctantly stops her conversation with Ego, but her restlessness soon gets the better of her. “Ego,” she implores, “please listen without rejecting
my idea. Somehow I think that those constant pressures we both feel, those movements that make us so uncomfortable at times, that continual repositioning and all of that closing in that seems to be taking place as we keep growing, is getting us ready for a place of glowing light, and we will experience it very soon.”

“Now I know you are absolutely insane,” replies Ego. “All you’ve ever known is darkness. You’ve never seen the light. How can you even contemplate such an idea? Those movements and pressures you feel are your reality. You are a distinct separate being. This is your journey and you’re on your own. Darkness and pressures and a closed-in feeling are what life is all about. You’ll have to fight it as long as you live. Now grab your cord and please stay still.

Spirit relaxes for a while, but finally she can contain herself no longer. “Ego, I have only one more thing to say, and then I’ll never bother you again.”

“Go ahead,” Ego responds impatiently.

“I believe all of these pressures and all of this discomfort is not only going to bring us to a new celestial light, but when we experience it, we are going to meet Mother face-to-face and know an ecstasy that is beyond anything we have ever experienced up until now.”

“You really are crazy, Spirit. Now I’m truly convinced of it.”

-by Henri Nouwen, a Catholic priest, theologian and writer. This text was included by Dr. Wayne Dyer in his book “Your Sacred Self”

As much as I look forward to being reunited with my deceased loved ones, and to meet my ancestors whom I never met, I have a greater desire to feel the comforting arms of my Father's hug. However, I feel a great deal of closeness to my Father in Heaven because I know him as well as I do. My conversations with God are open, consistent and at times constant and the communications in response so familiar that its merely curiosity that leads me to want to see God. On the other hand, I do not have the familiarity with my Mother in Heaven and so it is to meet her, and to understand her nature that propels me forward.

Up until recently, my desire to know Heavenly Mother was an intellectual pursuit but as I have studied what is known and not known about her and consequently encountered the barriers to knowing her, it has become a more emotional, primal need. Perhaps it was the impassioned poetry of Carol Lynn Pearson's "Mother Wove the Morning" and other emotional treatises on the necessity of divine womanhood to the people of the earth. It is true that my emotional response is being stirred up by the emotions of others, and yet, even independently, how long would I stay reserved and patient given the frustration of seeking and not being able to find?

Can this allegory provide a hopeful thought that can help us look forward to the time in faith, confidence and cheerfulness when we will meet Mother face-to-face? Or does that hope also lend to the frustration of being kept from her?

Human initiative in seeking revelation

2010-11-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote today:

"LDS philosopher David Paulsen argues that, while God directs the ongoing restoration, He expects “concurrent human initiative— not only in seeking and receiving direct revelation from God, but also in seeking, recognizing, and appropriating ‘truths’ from others, wherever found.”

Its from an article from Dialogue about C.S. Lewis as a source for gospel truth for Latter-day Saints. In the church, I don't think many argue that he's not a good place to learn good Christian values and a positive example of Christianity. The author draws the parallel between C.S. Lewis's openness to embrace and accept truth wherever it could be found to the teachings of LDS prophets who make the same claim. Yet this quote from David Paulsen takes it to a place that perhaps many Mormons would be uncomfortable.

Most Mormons would agree that in order to receive revelations for one's self, one must take the initiative to seek it. If one takes "no thought save it were to ask (D&C 9:7), they are not very likely to receive the answer. One must diligently, prayerfully over time seek and come line upon line and precept upon precept to the answer that is to be revealed.

And yet, I have seen how some Mormons do not apply this same standard to revelations given directly to the church. I have heard a number times in different ways the thought expressed "If it was Heavenly Father's will, he would reveal it to his leaders and since that's not the way the church is run, then its obviously not His will." Its like these members of the church hold the church leaders to a different standard where they do not have the responsibility or need to take the initiative to receive the will of God for the church. In this line of reasoning, they simply wait for God to speak and tell them what we need to know.

I personally do not, and in all honesty, cannot believe that this is how revelation works in the church. I also do not believe that the leaders of the church have the time or energy to ask of the Lord on every question of doctrinal worth. At the same time, I don't understand the process by which leaders determine which issues are important to seek revelation regarding. Is it something that could be accomplished through a vote?

If we were to view LDS church leaders as representatives between us and God. is it like contacting your legislator and expressing your wishes for what it is you'd like to see accomplished or revealed? Does it then require a critical mass of constituents to effectively communicate what knowledge is being sought by the electorate?

Let's take for instance, the desire for many members of the church to receive church-wide revelation on the doctrine of Heavenly Mother. Would the leaders and, by extension, we be more likely to receive it if a great many members of the church petitioned the leaders to ask on our behalf to know more regarding the nature of a Divine Mother?

There is a pattern of this set forth in the Doctrine and Covenants where many revelations were received because a member of the church asked Joseph regarding a certain topic and as a blessing to the individual and to us generations later, we have the revelation recorded for our benefit and use. The most famous example, perhaps, is the origin of the Word of Wisdom where Emma Smith asked her husband regarding the appropriateness of men chewing tobacco and leaving their spittle to leak through the floorboards to the room below. One of my favorite anecdotes actually comes from David Whitmer who teased Emma about wanting men's filthy habits to cease but may be unwilling to give up the ladie's habits of drinking coffee and tea. Then the revelation addressed and restricted all three.

In the early church, it only took one member of the church. Now, in the modern church, how many members would it take? A couple of hundred? A couple of thousand?

And what would that effort to coordinate look like?

Hopes for RS History study

2010-10-04T01:32:00.000-07:00

I visibly startled when I heard President Beck say that the Relief Society history would be a new area of focus. Truly, it was the last thing I thought I would hear completely the phrase “the sisters of the should know and learn…” I was expecting “to know she is a daughter of God” or some other well worn phrase.

To me the history of Relief Society is synonymous with independent women, professional women, working mothers, women giving blessings, prophetic women, “priestesses”, and activism. All of which are frowned upon, covered up and discouraged at this time in church history.

When I read about the history of Relief Society, I feel that's the type of organization and group of women I want to be involved in. I want to live in that time. And I pine for the former glory and don’t recognize those actions in the Relief Society today.

When I first heard the announcement my fear was that the history would be whitewashed. That the fact that women giving blessings and being told they were given the priesthood through the temple would be ignored and hidden. That the way in which women giving blessings was phased out will be called a revelation from God and His will even though my reading of the history does not support that idea. I’m afraid at how these historical events will be handled. I can have hope that women will find the inspiration in their former powers and hope for its restitution but I can’t say I have faith that it will happen. Time will tell. And I hope my uneasiness does not interfere with whatever the Lord intends with this.

I wrote this in response to Spunky's post at Exponent asking the question, "What do you hope? Is there anything in the history of the Relief Society that you wish was embraced in the modern church?"

The Shelf List

2010-10-04T01:18:00.000-07:00

This question was posed on a discussion board and since its bloggable, I'm copying and pasting my answer to it here:

What have you shelved? (anything?)

And why have you shelved it? If we are entitled to personal revelation, why would we not get answers about these things? At least personal assurances to whatever degree?

I'm at a period of my life where I'm taking things off that shelf and trying to figure out if through examining them I can come to an understanding of them. I really am testing the boundaries of what I can learn through revelation for myself.

My list of things I've shelved in the past:
the mysteries of the gospel mentioned in the scriptures, what are those?
What does God really expect of homosexuals and us in showing compassion to them?
to what extent does evolution play a part in the creation of the world and the human specie?
why were women granted the power to give blessings, then limited, and then ultimately taken away?
Why the harshness of the law in the Old Testament?
what is the rightful place of Heavenly Mother in our worship?
where do the ideas of other world religions intersect with the fullness of the gospel?
where is the truth that can be found in other religions?

I'm sort of studying all these things right now because I feel like my base of reading materials has expanded. Obviously, these answers aren't in the scriptures though guidance and insight into the answers may be. Once I gave myself permission to study the scriptures by relying on outside sources (Sunstone magazine, Dialogue journal, other Mormon scholarship like FAIR and FARMS) and academic religious studies, I felt like the world was open up to me and I could meaningfully study and ponder these questions. I was so heartened to see that other Mormons have been pondering, writing and publishing their studies for the benefit of others.

I've had to give myself a certain freedom to speculate and try on new ideas without accepting them as truth. I try to brainstorm the possibilities, knowing that one may true, many may be true in different ways or none of them are true and being okay with not knowing. But I enjoy the process and the insights I can gain through it. Sometimes I come to a conclusion that I feel may be as close to the truth as I can get and I will guardedly accept it, pray about it and keep it to myself by trying to remember that it is not my place to openly share experiences such as it with others since it hasn't been revealed to the church and that I must wait patiently to discover if my hunch is right knowing full well that it may not come in this life and I'll have to wait until the afterlife to find out. And I'm okay with that. Most of the time.

*********
Its actually these questions that led me to start this blog and why I state in the header "my ponderings to know the difference." The way I got into the LDS church was through the process I described above. In order to change my beliefs and accept something that I previously thought was impossible or improbable, I had to be willing to suspend my disbelief and see what it was like believing it might actually be true. Giving myself permission to "try ideas on for size" allowed my mind and my heart to be open enough to accept the truth. After joining the church, I found that sort of inquiry wasn't specifically endorsed or encouraged so it wasn't until recently that I gave myself permission to try the same strategy in other areas of the gospel, specifically those not addressed by revelation.

I have to admit that I love speculation and I've considering starting a series on my blog about my speculations on gospel doctrine. I even adapted a song for it which of course I can't remember now. I know that speculation must be done with caution and needs to be checked against revealed truth and policy. So understandably, I'm cautious in publicly sharing my ideas. Perhaps a disclaimer is needed: "You cannot take my writing here to be an indication of what I actually believe to be true. I'm pondering, I'm shaping my understanding through a somewhat messy process called stream of consciousness writing. Its how I process my thoughts and receive useful feedback from others that I exploit as sounding boards. So please know when you read my blog, that is what you are. I welcome your comments and responses but please remember I have good intentions of learning and growing as a child of God and if I am mistaken or leaving out crucial information, please inform me respectfully. I'm open to critiques of my ideas, as long as it is done respectfully and with compassion."

In fact, maybe I ought to paste at the end of every post or add it as a comment policy.

Recent Tender Mercies

2010-09-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Just a few hours before a weekly meeting for my calling, I had been wishing that the evening meeting would no longer conflict with the newest endeavor I'm about to embark on. I'm trying to arrange things so I can become a midwife's assistant and attend a particular midwife's prenatal clinic on the one day a week she does them which just happens to be the same night my calling meets. I've been in that calling for close to 5 years so I was contemplating asking to be released. Then the Relief Society presidents asked out of nowhere if we could move the meeting to another night in the week. Everyone was amiable and just like that I no longer had a conflict in my schedule so my plan could proceed!

I'll recognize that as a tender mercy of the Lord. '

The other came from the same meeting. Like I said I've been in that calling for almost 5 years and I don't feel like I've done much in it. I've attended meetings and a lot of them over the years and I've assisted in projects and responsibilities where I could but I really haven't done much. Sometimes I've wondered why I'm still in the calling. Though a little over a year ago, I was introduced to a woman where I realized working with her was the reason I was still in that position. That was over a year ago though, so why am I still in the calling?

Again, out of nowhere, one of the men at the meeting asked to give an impromptu spiritual thought. He quotes from Psalms "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord" and then went on to say that sometimes it is better to be ready to do something than it is to be always doing. If there is nothing the Lord expects of us at a certain moment, we still have the duty to be ready for him and wait for the direction to go forth and do something.

That's exactly what I needed to hear to help me realize that though I may not be doing much in my calling currently that if I am ready and waiting to do, that I'm doing what is expected of me. Having that unexpectedly given me and and in a surprising way as it was, I will definitely count as a tender mercy as well.

Two in one meeting! The Spirit definitely was at that meeting that night!

Notes from General Relief Society Meeting

2010-09-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

Its short-hand so I will hopefully have time to come back and fill in more coherent thoughts in relation to what I heard. There were some specifically salient points made this evening that I believe are important to me because it was truth I was seeking but it also important in relation to recent happenings among women of the church. Those I will bold for emphasis.

Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President:

quoted President Barbara Smiths (former Relief Society President from 1974-1984) last council to her family before her death: "Honor and respect the women of the church."
acknowledgement of the oppression and betrayal that women often experience
addressing the criticisms of Mormon women for being weak, too womanly, ineffectual
call and instruction for women to focus on activities within Relief Society [is this an example of retrenchment?]
new policy for church wide Relief Society: women should know and understand the history of R.S., hence a history book is in process of publication
the Lord's vision of R.S.: to perfect the saints through the women of the church
an acknowledged hunger within the women of the church to know women's value, identity and purpose
report on policy changes from last year--has had positive impacts
through studying the history of women in the church, women will find inspiration from historical female church members
in conclusion; The Lord is preparing the R.S. for a glorious future [though the details were not described]

Silvia Allred, General Relief Society First Counselor:

told that she became a member of the church at age 15.
"motherwork is the most important work" and it should be done in partnership with husbands
She asked women of the church: what helps you be faithful?
The answers she received helped her to develop this list: *prayer, *scripture study, *obedience and *service
her description of obedience was to the covenants of baptism and the temple
she emphatically stated that service includes the emotional and spiritual needs of women

Barbara Thompson, General Relief Society Second Counselor:

quotes Jude: "And of some have acompassion, making a difference"
counseled women to have compassions on people's needs, feel love, mercy, sympathy, and a desire to help one another
Christ called his followers to be compassionate
Visiting Teaching is a model of Christ's call to be compassionate
prayerfully consider those we visit teach.

Thomas S. Monson, Prophet and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

how do we view each other? are we making judgements without having all the facts?
Judge not
prophet admits none of us is perfect
Do not judge appearances or life circumstances
"if you judge people you have no time to love them."
[insight: it is helpful to have an outside voice of instruction and views, I can see how this talk would have been more difficult for one of the R.S. presidents to give)
paraphrase: we need to have the type of charity that comes from being tolerant and lenient of other's actions
Horace Mann: "to pity distress is to be human, to relieve it is god-like."
"Recognize that each is doing her best to overcome her challenges and we must do our best to help her."
charity is not just providing service to others, but it is also loving them without judgement
be guided by the R.S. motto in everything we do, "Charity Never Faileth."

Eve's transgression

2010-09-25T01:47:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I was having a phone conversation with Heather (TopHat in internet circles) and we were talking about Eve's transgression in the Garden of Eve. I kind of went off-topic and ended up thinking and speaking out loud about why Eve then is commanded to be obedient her husband's counsel (which then is still expected of women today). I know that some women in the church struggle with that expectation. Their question is along the lines of: If men and women are supposedly equal partners in marriage (see The Family: A Proclamation to the World), why does a woman need to be subordinate to her husband?

In our conversation with each other, we discussed how the fact that EVE ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is actually celebrated in our church. She made a wise and courageous decision to experience mortality and to know good from evil. As Sheri L. Dew said, "In addition to bearing children, she mothered all of mankind when she made the most courageous decision any woman has ever made and with Adam opened the way for us to progress."

But there has always been something that bothers me about her decision. She obviously saw the virtue of experiencing mortality and saw that the knowledge gained from it was necessary for her and Adam to progress and that becoming like God was a good thing and not a prideful motivation like Satan implied. But, she made a decision that forced Adam to choose a certain path and she did not consult with him first.

I am sensitive to this sort of injustice. I don't appreciate people speaking for me, or compelling me to make choices that I otherwise might not have chosen for myself. I most certainly would not appreciate it if it was my husband who forced me into that situation.

And, that, is what I think Eve did to Adam. Though she made a good decision, and perhaps the right decision, she did not consult with Adam, come to an agreement and act together in unity.

I feel badly for Adam to be in a place where he was stuck between obeying commandments: staying with his wife and fulfilling the command to multiply and replenish the earth or to not partake of the fruit of that tree. It was Eve that put him in that situation by hastily rushing forward and partaking of the fruit without consulting with Adam and taking into account the implications.

What if Adam had said, "I'm not going to partake of that fruit and I'm going to stay here while you are banished from the garden and we will both be alone?" What if he had gotten mad at her for limiting his choices instead of seeing the situation with the clarity of knowing that he needed to stay by his wife? Her choice and his compulsion to choose along with her had long lasting effects on him. He learned what suffering was as a result of her choice, and while he did freely choose it, it should have been a decision they made together.

I wonder if its for this reason Eve and in extension her daughters have the obligation to counsel with their husbands and to listen to their counsel. This begs the question however, if "men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression (Second Article of Faith), then are women being punished for Eve's transgression by being compelled to a subordinate status under their husbands?

I would also add its likely that women who are disturbed by the hearken counsel would comforted if men were also counseled to hearken to their wives and both husband and wife communicated with God with equal footing where both go through their spouse when making decisions, instead of one going through the other and it not being reciprocated.

The D. Michael Quinn Challenge

2010-09-25T01:21:00.000-07:00

After finishing reading the book Women and Authority, I created a challenge for myself: go to the temple and listen carefully for wording that I had heard many times before but not with this new awareness of women's history in the church.

One of the chapters from the book that was most affecting for me was D. Michael Quinn's "Mormon Women Have Had the Priesthood Since 1843" where I was impressed by the sources he cited showing clearly that Joseph Smith and other early church leaders believed that women were given the priesthood through the endowment. It was unclear however where in the endowment this could be traced to. One of the clues that I took to heart was that there was a belief that women were anointed and thereby received the priesthood. Anointing only occur in the initiatory ceremony, not in the presentation of the endowment itself.

Thus, my specific challenge. Go to the temple, participate in initiatories and listen carefully to the wording of the anointing as well as the entire recitation. This morning, I had a chance to do that. We had planned to go, do an initiatory and then an endowment session so I could take in the whole thing in the context of this question in my mind. Through an unfortunate series of wrong turns and time constraints however, we only had time for a set of initiatories. That turned out to be for the best because it was only after hearing the ceremony repeated a few times did I clue in on the phrases that were applicable to my question.

The anointing offered no clue so I listened carefully for instances of the word priesthood in connection with women. The only time that appeared together was in the authorizing of the garment as a sacred article of clothing and this is referred to being clothed in the garments of the Holy Priesthood. I prayed to know if this wording (though not understanding specifically what it meant) was the indication that women were granted the priesthood through the temple ceremonies. I cannot deny the Spirit I felt confirming that to be true.

I should also say here that the time prior that I went to the temple and participated in an endowment session, I remember at one point having the distinct impression from the Spirit that because I had progressed through the stages of the endowment that somehow through that process, I possessed the priesthood in some manner. This was even before I read Quinn's chapter on women and the priesthood so before the idea was externally planted that women were given the priesthood through the temple ceremonies.

I don't understand it how it works but I have tried throughout this process to pray and ask specific and clear questions always being willing to accept any answer I was to be given. I don't understand all the implications of this and have many more questions. Was perhaps the wording changed over the last 180 years so more specific phrases referring to priesthood being removed from the women's initiatory? If yes, what did it used to say? And how does it work that women are conferred the priesthood if they are ordained after the order of Melchelizdek?

I was able to learn more about the men's initiatory process from my husband who described the point in time when names needing proxy are ordained to the priesthood and that process is obviously missing from the women's ceremony.

Its obvious that I may not ever understand more beyond the point where I currently am now, but at the same time for years, I said the same thing about where I was then. Who knows what further information or understanding may come to me as I continue this study and seeking? I will continue faithful, relying on prayer and having a much greater appreciation and desire to have the spirit of discernment which will help me to know between truth and error.

There will be many who believe I am in error and I'm scared as to what that might mean for me socially in the church. And yet, if I know if I were to deny the lessons from the Spirit that I have received in the last few months, I would also have to deny the Spirit confirmations that convinced me of the truthfulness of the gospel, that told me that my husband was the right man for me to marry, that told me it was God's will (or he was supportive) of me attending graduate school, or going to BYU, or any of the other many times the Spirit has testified to me of truth.

I do know however that I can't do much with this knowledge. If anything is meant to change in church policy, I must be patient for it and not push for anything or even recognition or corroboration that what I have been told is true. That's okay. That's the way it works on doctrine that hasn't been revealed through the proper channels. People can pray and know and its perfectly fine to believe whatever they are going to believe as long as they don't go out trying to convert people to their understanding. I'm concerned even by publicly saying this on my blog.

Mothering Breakthroughs

2010-09-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

I've lately been pondering the challenges of maintaining spirituality as a mother of young children. In my experience, its sort of like a pressure cooker where the effort required is so intense and sustained that there is barely any time for the quiet reflection of prayer and scripture study. At best, a morning prayer is a quick hail mary sent up as I fly out of bed to answer a baby's cry or help a child get to the bathroom. And yet, I've been experiencing what I'm finding to be a spiritual renaissance in my life where prayers are more effective, study is more frequent and I feel a greater excitement for the things of the gospel than I have for a long time. Then of course comes the guilt and fear that I'm not giving my children enough of the focus that they require and my gospel study is becoming a selfish pursuit that interferes with my care for them.

I have found inspiration, comfort and guidance in the words of faithful women recently. In both cases, I have been close to this realization. Its like its been off stage waiting in the wings for me to get to that point. Often for me, this can take weeks, months or years as I encounter experiences and thoughts that bring me to such realizations. Its very nice when I feel led almost right to the brink and then its the words of others who show me the waters to drink from are right in front of me, ready for me to take, read and digest.

First came from a new friend that I am getting to know through midwifery school: She wrote in her post
:

This week has been one of those weeks that I like to call: Foundational. In Proverbs 14:1 the Bible says, "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Well, I have an imagination and I like to think about my "daily grind" as a building project. Some days I may be watching kids play pleasantly and giving some positive affirmation here and there. These are painting days (because I like painting). Some times, my days are consumed with breaking up fights, scolding and correcting. This is like putting up walls to me! Anyway, you get my point.

And second, a blog post that my friend passed along with me in mind, where the author reminds me of the opportunities for daily and constant devotionals that can turn my attention to my God and love for my children.

I have found myself trying to survive spiritualy as a mother the way in which she describes and I've just recently begun to realize the times throughout a day that I can connect with the spirit.

We spend the first decade of motherhood waiting for a moment of quiet. When the children are older, then I can pray. Once the house is clean and organized, then I can find peace. When we reach the other side of this trying time, only then can I be the wife and mother I truly wish to be.

Always missing the opportunity to engage the present moment, living for an imaginary one.

The treasure hunt within the present moment. Where is it? Where is the grace hidden in this moment in time? God is here. Where is He in this very moment?

My meal time prayers become more meaningful, as well as my time driving in the car. While children sleep in their carseats during car rides, I have quiet, time to pray, reflect and ponder. And I find the Spirit in those moments.

The author of the post says its the first decade of mothering. I will count myself lucky that I was exposed to this idea and was able to grasp it after only 4 years. Not that its a race, but the sooner the better it is to learn lessons such as this.

May I remember that laundry can be a time to reflect and pray for my family members, that each article of clothing is a tangible extension of my love and concern for them.

A compelling reason LDS women shouldn't want the priesthood?

2010-08-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

I am not to the point of thinking that LDS women should have the priesthood. I do however find reading critical analyses on it interesting. The most recent analysis I've read is "Why Shouldn't Mormon Women Want this Priesthood?" by Marian Yeates.

I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with her regarding her thoughts. I even did an online search for her to find if her contact information was online, but no such luck.

Through an analysis of history and making comparisons to other times when women have been allowed to participate in a male dominated system, she gave some insight into what it could be like if LDS women were to be granted the priesthood. Drawing on the parallel to women in 20th century America getting the right to vote, Yeates said,

Women won the vote in 1920 with the passage of the 19th Amendment. No one can deny that this was a tremendous victory after seventy-two years of struggle. Yet without being a female-based social vehicle, the vote itself has done little to change the material condition of women over the long term. ...The advantage of the incorporation strategy as it applied to suffrage was that it allowed women to gain access to existing political power. The disadvantage was that once incorporated into the male system, women became part of that system and so have had difficult establishing their interests as separate or different from men's.

In describing women's accomplishments in politics between the time they achieved the right to vote and the time the article was published (1989), she points out "the dream of women voting as a block strong enough to inform the American political process remains an empty promise seventy-years after winning the vote."

Marian Yeates believes that the same would happen if women in the LDS Church were allowed to minister in the priesthood: that it would take a very long time for any significant changes to be made into policy and administration, if it ever would happen.

This is where I would like to question Sister Yeates. Since 1989, American has seen a sharp increase in the number of publicly elected women to office. Perhaps now, another 20 years after she lamented the lack of influence of women on the political process, does she see that fruits of women making substantive inroads in the male dominated system? Is it a matter of 90 years being required instead of 70? If the same thing were to happen is what we see now in the American government, would that patience and long-suffering yield the results that she hopes would have come sooner? Does having to wait that long negate the fulfillment of that success?

The warning is there to LDS women who think that ordination to the priesthood is their intended goal, though you may obtain the office are you prepared to patiently and doggedly work for substantive improvement in the way things are run?

Sister Yeates also offers an alternative option for women wishing for greater involvement, influence and say over how the church is administered. Though she does not make the parallel, I think what she may have in mind matches the way in which the Relief Society was originally organized as a separate but complementary auxiliary of the church which was almost entirely administered by the women of the church. This too I would ask Sister Yeates if this is what she was intending to suggest because she did not specifically state this as a parallel.

I really am enjoying learning about the different perspectives of women and the priesthood. I especially enjoy learning about projections of what might occur if it were to occur. So often, I feel that people think that an intended outcome is a foregone conclusion, that of course the desired outcome is going to be achieved, and little thought is given to the unintended consequences. The collateral damage can often be worse than the ailment that originally afflicted. It seems prudent to comprehensively view the possibilities that could result from an action so one is making a truly informed choice. I would like to see the general membership and leadership of the church to be open-minded and patient enough to entertain these different perspectives so the best decision with minimal unintended consequences can occur.

And now I'm off to read D. Michael Quinn's article "Mormon Women Have Had the Priesthood Since 1843."

Heavenly Mother in the Scriptures

2010-08-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

Doctrine and Covenants 121: 26-28
26 God shall give unto you knowledge by his Holy Spirit, yea, by the unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost, that has not been revealed since the world was until now;

27 Which our forefathers have awaited with anxious expectation to be revealed in the last times, which their minds were pointed to by the angels, as held in reserve for the fulness of their glory;

28 A time to come in the which nothing shall be withheld, whether there be one God or many gods, they shall be manifest.

The only accepted, revealed truth about Heavenly Mother is that she exists. Its also pretty evident, when one studies the doctrine and thinks logically about how God came to be that there are many gods. And that's pretty much all we know. Who they are, the divine being who like our ancestors have come before us, is still not revealed.

I'm certainly one of those who have been waiting with "anxious anticipation." This also instructs me that I can know some of it by the Holy Spirit, though I will unavoidably be waiting until I have received exaltation through being faithful to the gospel knowledge that has been revealed to me. Yet the hope and confidence that I will someday learn that which I yearn to know is there.

It is sad and difficult for me to accept that it will likely be at least until after my lifetime that I might know and have my Mother in Heaven's presence revealed to me. Because I wonder why not now, why not sooner? I can plead, entreat and beg God to reveal the knowledge that I and others "since the world was" seek. Ahhh, a time to apply Proverbs 3:4, "trust God with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding."

Must it stop me however from "ask[ing] of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him [or her] ask in faith, nothing wavering?" (James 1:5) And must it stop the leaders of the LDS church from asking for this knowledge to be revealed in the hopes that we might know sooner?

PTSD after childbirth: A Period of Adversity

2010-08-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

My faith has been strengthened by my son's birth that was so traumatic for me. First I quickly realized that my experience giving birth, and the PTSD that followed was another period of adversity in my life.

I have found that generally when I make a momentous, good decision that some difficult adversity comes along to try to mess it up. I realized quickly that this was another one of those times in my life. By becoming a mother, I probably did the most important thing I'll do in my life; with the most potential to really make a difference in the world. I became responsible for a human life, and ultimately to give him the shape and direction that he needs to become a good person. One time somebody taught me that Satan doesn't try and tempt those who are aren't trying to live God's law. Satan doesn't have to try with them because they're already doing what he wants. On the other hand, those who are striving and doing right and good things with their lives, he going to work hardest on them and try to destroy and interfere with their efforts. I recognized that was occurring to me. I tend to get mad at Satan when I realize that's happening because there's no way I'm going to let the enemy of righteousness do that to me. I know its not my Father in Heaven doing it to me, but the influence of evil and the intent to cause sadness in the world.

I see Satan try to use maternity care to abuse and traumatize mothers. Providers so commonly violate a mother's right to give permission to what people are doing to her body, she is manipulated, coerced, threatened and ignored when she tries to stop it. I even see inappropriate and unnecessary use of technology and intervention during birth as "trusting in the arm of flesh" instead of trusting in God's creation and the body's ability to birth a baby safely. Interfering with the process of childbirth is, how I see it, another way that Satan interferes in the happy and healthy development of families. Families are of the utmost importance to the development and well-being of children. Heavenly Father created families because he knew thats what benefits children most--no other societal organization can do what parents do. Satan would love nothing more than to see mothers so traumatized that they commit suicide, or divorce their partners or abuse their children or fail to form healthy attachment to their children. He most especially doesn't want more people born into the world so he tries to scare mothers away from having more children.

Because I believe that God and Jesus "know the end from the beginning" I know that they know what I'm experiencing and how emotionally damaging that birth was for me. They know the wrongs committed by the staff people and understand better than I do the injustice inherent in the system. I don't believe they safe us from all suffering because everyone has their free will. There will always be people who choose to wield power in an abusive and destructive way. I was a victim of that and because I experienced it I learned that traumatic birth experiences are another destructive attack on families and God's children. I probably wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't happened to me.

But now that I have experienced it and suffered it and know it, I have 1) gained that knowledge, 2) developed empathy and compassion for mothers who have experienced similar trauma, as well as anyone who has been abused, or traumatized by a life event, 3) become more sensitive as a parent because I try not to force physically or manipulate my children when teaching them because I know how awful it feels and 4) realize that I have the opportunity to do something about it (obsessively, actually, a side effect of the PTSD). When I was seeking help in dealing with my experience, I didn't find the resources I felt I needed. But then I felt led in my searching to meet the founder of Solace, and Jennica and together we created this discussion board and are developing Solace as a advocacy and support organization for birth trauma. I believe that there is good coming out of it because it is a comfort for other mothers who have experienced birth trauma. In that way, my experience has and can help others.

I have grown very much from the experience. Not only are my work skills being improved because I'm learning how to direct a non-profit, but I've learned about the process of birth. I believe that the human body was originally created to work flawlessly. Since the introduction of less than perfect circumstance with the Fall of Adam, the body doesn't work perfectly all the time, but it works most of the time. And it works best when we trust in it and let nature do what its meant to do WITHOUT the interference of others (I think of Proverbs 3:4). Sometimes HF will guide us to those who have the skills to intervene when the process derails, but the people with those skills tend to over-inflate their value and necessity. I learned that HF wants me to take responsibility for my decisions and trust Him first and then let him guide me to know when to make use of man's knowledge and expertise. Just as any tool, it can be misused.

Freedom of days

2010-08-08T14:42:00.001-07:00

A member of the church, an MBA in accounting, started a business with some friends and it did unexpectedly well. When the business was sold, the man was able to retire. After a while of spending 8 hours a day on the gold course, he became bored with his retirement and wished that he could do something different. He went to his bishop and asked to get a list of ward members who had not been visited the month before. He dedicated his days to visiting members of his ward, often visiting families who had been visited by home teachers that month. He sought a job at BYU to teach accounting but wasn't hired because he didn't have the education required. By volunteering, instead of seeking payment, he taught at BYU. He later went on to become a mission president.

Doesn't everyone wish they could retire early and have the freedom to do whatever during the day? If you could have that situation, what would you do with your days?

My husband and I love to ask ourselves questions like this. There is so much we wish we could do in our lives and we often feel limited by financial responsibilities and of course financial resources. We're a young student family so it comes as no surprise.

If that could happen for our family, my husband would love to spend as much as time as possible with me and our children at home. He would do a great deal of woodworking with the tools he's collected in the last few years. We would go on many day trips in our area to go hiking because we get sick of being at home. We live in a beautiful area of Washington where its easy to drive for a couple of hours and then explore some amazing places. We have this dream that we could homeschool our children and the world would be our classroom.

Want to learn about castles? Off to Europe.

Learning about the forest? Go camping for two weeks in the forest.

Hike, backpack, travel, camp.

That would be our life for a few years.

Then we would probably settle on an homestead property, grow and raise our own food and medicines. My husband would go back to his woodworking and photography. I would go to school and get my PhD. My husband might try to make some money by selling his arts. I would be practice in a community or ward as a midwife and general wise woman. I might run for public office and put my education in family studies and public policy to use as a decision maker in government.

Maybe we would adopt. We would certainly contribute and volunteer for organizations that teach family values to children and young adults, that address social issues that distress families. Likely our travels would be in conjunction with humanitarian efforts like Habitat for Humanity and other international community building non-profits. We'd likely volunteer to work in the temple or perform church service wherever we live.

When our children went to college, my husband and I would serve missions for the church. We dream of being missionaries in Nauvoo, church campsites and properties, humanitarian and family history missions. We'd pretty much be excited to go anywhere and hope that we would have opportunities to put our skills, knowledge, education and passions put to work.

One thing I love about my husband is that he is happy to stay home and care for our children an equal amount while I pursue personal development and social service opportunities. Its his professional development that is keeping him from doing that now and will likely keep him from doing much of that in the future but we hope that once he is settled in his career that he will have a flexible enough schedule where that could work for us. He's pretty adamant, however, that he never wants me to run for public office because he doesn't want to deal with the public life. I don't blame him...

A hint of Mother and a New Life

2010-08-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

Recently I blogged about praying to Heavenly Mother and how the clearest and most recent direction the LDS has received was from President Hinckley and his rationale for telling the Saints that they ought not to pray to Heavenly Mother was that there were no instances in the scriptures of Christ praying or preaching about Heavenly Mother.

I've already discussed the limitations of that rationale and today I found another bit of evidence that could refute that logic. In Carol Lynn Pearson's chapter entitled "A Motherless House" she refers to apocryphal and gnostic gospels that evidently depict Christ expounding on the existence of Mother in Heaven. Perhaps these sources also cite Christ praying to his parents?

For course, now I would like to seek after these sources and find them for myself. In the early days of my blog, I read and reflected upon the Gospel of Mary Magdalene. I've been wanting to turn to the Apocrypha with the encouragement and warning of D&C 91.

For a few years I was feeling limited in my study of the scriptures to just the scriptures. I've overcome that by recognizing that a deeper understanding of the scriptures, after a certain point, pretty much only comes from researching the topics, history and ideas found in the scriptures. There is a tremendous amount of scholarly work on the scriptures both ancient and modern. My study of the scriptures have taken on new life and abundance through branching out. I'm just getting started too as I've only recently discovered Mormon intellectualism.

Embracing My Mormon Feminist Self

2010-08-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

The personal revelation I receive in regard to what Heavenly Father wants from me in this life is contrary to the direction given by the church when it comes to what women, and mothers are supposed to do. I have been guided, counseled and strongly encouraged by the Spirit to pursue my education in spite of being a mother, in spite of having young children. I feel that I am being prepared for some out of the home employment in the future, though I will admit that I don't know if that is the case. At this point, I am preparing for that if it does end up being a reality and I feel prompted to be as qualified and prepared as I can be because it is better to be prepared and not need the preparation than need the preparation and not be prepared. Before becoming clear on what was expected of me, I was wholly prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to fit the description of the traditional, church approved Mormon woman. I was surprised, and scared even to find out that was not expected of me.

So for me, the prescribed gender roles do not fit and its not because there is something wrong with me, or that I am being led away by some false spirit but it is because Heavenly Father does not want those prescriptions to fit for me. It appears that he wants something else. I guess it would be wise to point out that maybe the only reason why He wants this for me is because he knows my weaknesses and failings as a mother. Maybe he knows I that will not thrive if he were to expect me to give my heart, mind and soul to the minute by minute duties of motherhood. And if that is the case, maybe he is working some magic and turning my weakness into a strength and that my strength will be to be whatever he wants me to be as a qualified person in my community in whatever post I'm being led to.

I know that I'm not the only woman in the church who is being led by God to do something different than what the church leaders are preaching so heavily over the pulpits. I'm not questioning that the ideal role of women is that they should be what the leaders of the church say. Maybe that is God's will for the majority of the women of the church. But I know that its not his will for me and for other people like me. When it comes down to following the leaders of the church, or following clear directions given by God, I choose to follow God's direction, knowing that even the church leaders give room for exceptions and believe that personal revelation trumps leader's direction (even commandments for that matter: think Lehi killing Laban). It appears to me that somehow, there will be some good, though maybe not as extreme as saving a whole nation from dwindling and perishing in unbelief, but that I will do something that Heavenly Father is wanting me to accomplish by being an "non-traditional" woman in the church.

It can be difficult to feel judged and scorned by fellow members of the church as I am doing all I can to follow God's will for me. I feel that people are judging me on outward appearances without knowing my heart or direction that I have been given that is specifically tailored to me and my situation. Because I feel this frustration, confusion, uncertainty, discomfort in the church based on my own experiences, I have gained empathy for the women of the church who have faced much more opposition, judgement, harshness that I have in regards to their choices to be the non-traditional Mormon woman.

Because I feel a disconnect between God's plan for me and what the church is telling me, I know that other women are struggling and suffering under the strain of trying to negotiate that gap. I'll say its for that reason why women's role in the church are something I feel like I need to address (and it helps that Heavenly Father has confirmed this is what he wants me to be doing). Its an attempt to protect myself from hostility that may be coming in the future, to help me feel more at home and accepted in the church and to provide those same comforts and assurances to other women in the church as well. '

In the new organizations, LDS WAVE (www.ldswave.org/our-mission) that I am more interested and concerned about the social justice activities. In the organization of roles for each member of the board, the social justice section has been assigned to me. Everyone here knows that is my passion and a major frustration I have with the church. We are told to be actively involved in our communities, we have a wealth of knowledge and information on addressing social issues which the Humanitarian efforts of the church do not address and then we are discouraged when we attempt to organize those efforts in our wards and Relief Societies. I have had to look outside the church to fulfill that desire and to follow that spiritual guidance and I'm hoping that through my efforts with WAVE that I will be able to combine my love and knowledge of the gospel with my desire to serve in social justice and women' issues.

I'm also very energized by the thought that we will be helping to further the aims of the church of preaching the gospel and perfecting the saints through hopefully attracting positive press and admiration for the women of the church who are following in the footsteps of Eliza R. Snow and Emmeline B. Wells and Zina Huntington Young; and showing the world and the women who are struggling in the church that Heavenly Father rejoices in women using their capabilities in broad applications that are not limited to motherhood and wifely duties.

There's a section of Proverbs that describes a woman doing just that: Proverbs 31:20-31 and many stories of women in the early days of the church in Utah did many of the same things. I don't understand why the women of today are not capable of having similar opportunities and blessings now. Reading the biographies of the Relief Society presidents was really inspiring. I am trying to emulate them and I feel that I am, with God's blessing and encouragement.

As I've gone along, I've also been amazed at how my family doesn't and hasn't suffered because of it. I know I'm trying to maintain a balancing act and I feel that with Heavenly Father's help, I've been able to do it so far (completing my master's and thesis while being a stay at home mom, being an organizer and volunteer for three time consuming non-profits, etc) and because I've been spiritually supported through all what I've experienced so far, I've gained confidence that my family and I will continue to have the help that we need to accomplish the goals of a healthy Mormon family.

How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Being Excommunicated) A Reflection

2010-07-30T00:58:00.000-07:00

I don't often get comments on my blog, though I guess that will begin to change the more often I comment on blogs like the Exponent and Feminist Mormon Housewives. I do fill in my blog address here as my website so it really shouldn't be a surprise to me that my quiet corner is attracting guests (welcome, I will add).

On my recent post about praying to Heavenly Mother, Seth, a commenter recommended an article from the journal Dialogue entitled "How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Being Excommunicated." I bit the bullet, subscribed to an online subscription and now have free reign to search the archives and read according to my interests and where I am led. It really is exciting.

For more details beyond my shorthand notes, please read the entire article. A $25 subscription for one year of gospel study is in truth an affordable price to gain greater understanding into the scriptures and gospel. Often, one download from the site is $15, so its a good idea to save some money and get the one year access.

The basic points of the "How To Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Getting Excommunicated)" are:

1) We know Mother in Heaven's name and it is Asherah. A discussion of how that is known is included in the article.

2) There are some rules relating to her worship and they are namely:

No idols (those were banned with the 10 commandments, and tended to be a weakness of the Hebrews in the Old Testament)
No public prayer as per the direction given by President Hinckley in 1991 (see my recent post).
3) There are ways to acknowledge her in everyday life and some of the suggestions are:

Name a child after Her (Asher for boy, Sophia for a girl, or even Asherah);
Think of Her as present and part of the creation of the world; consider the Christmas tree as a symbol of her (trees were a symbol of Asherah throughout the Old Testament);
Take part in the Jewish Earth Day (Tu Bishvat);
View or create visual and artistic representations of her (though not to be worshipped as idols);
Recognize and take part in fertility, childbirth and lactation as symbols of her domain and understanding;
Consider the olive oil used in blessings as "the fruit of the tree of life" (a belief in the Jewish tradition);
Look at the instances of the word "happiness" in the scriptures as evidence of Heavenly Mother (a word/meaning associated with the word Asherah); view instances of "wisdom" similarly;
Study as much has been written about Asherah and keep in mind that a Jewish tradition holds that study is a form of worship (an appendix is provided by the author of the article);
Show a greater concern for the earth and environment by learning about and participating in ways to protect it.
Lastly, with the most emphasis, participate in the temple.

An insight provided me by this article is some of the translated meanings and connotations of the Hebrew word and words associated with Asherah. The words that stood out most to me were "Sanctuary," "Holy Place," and "Holiness."

My mind whipped immediately to the inscriptions on each Latter-day Saint Temple "Holiness to the Lord, the House of the Lord" and then next to the union of male and female. A wife can be a refuge to her husband, a sanctuary from the toils and heartaches of life. It also cannot be ignored that quite literally a man can be in a woman. The thoughts are more fleeting than anything else, brief impressions that I have not done justice or perhaps even been respectful as the topic warrants, but the parallel is drawn. Perhaps, one of the reasons why the temple is such a salient feature in LDS theology because it is a symbol of our Mother in Heaven. That when we are there, our worship of Father and Mother is complete and we are literally surrounded by Her love. Though the author may not have considered this, its what my mind went to immediately upon reading that a connotation of Asherah was analogous to the temple.

The author makes some interesting points about the temple; one of which is that the ancient Israelite women worshipped Asherah by weaving fine textiles for use in the temple. Those women lucky enough to work at Deseret Distribution in the manufacture and construction of the temple garments, and clothing now have a new way of looking at their work. While a student at BYU, I had learned about job opportunities there. How amazing it would have been to have that on my list of experiences. The temple clothing is predominantly manufactured centrally and by the institution of the church but there are still items that can be made for use in the temple that does not require an official pattern. For this reason, I would suggest that sewing women's temple dresses and men's white trousers and shirts could be added to the list of ways that the everyday Latter-day Saint could show appreciation and reverence for our Mother in Heaven.

As a teenager, I took up sewing and on a trip to the fabric store, I found a pattern for a wedding dress that I was drawn to. I bought it and said that I would sew my own wedding dress and I would alter it so it could be worn in the temple on the day of my sealing and that afterward, it could be worn as my temple dress. I actually did it and now I am looking at my wedding dress in a whole new way and wonder if perhaps Mother in Heaven guided me in that instance.

I'm also getting a sense of where my "earth mama" tendencies are coming from. Since the time when I had begun seriously to consider what I wanted to do in this world, I had two goals: 1) be a wife and mother and 2) make a difference in the world through helping others. As I followed my educational path, I found my desire of helping people rested in family studies--how family processes can contribute to individual, familial, communal and societal well-being. Through becoming a mother, while at the same time completing my master's investigating public policies pertaining to the family, I discovered a new passion for birth, environmentalism and sustainability; sensing that there was a connection between a healthy earth and healthy people and that somehow birth was related (see my blog Descent into Motherhood: Connecting with Earth through Birth). The last three years of my life have been dedicated to providing a toxin free, well nourished, balanced, emotionally secure and happy childhood to my son and daughter.

As I learned about the environmental and biochemical affects of modern life on gestation , I have been cognizant of the need I have to cleanse my body to be a healthy vessel for the children that I will bear. There is something of a spiritual nature that draws me to birth and now I am enrolled in a midwifery school and hope to someday provide the spiritual, physical and emotional support that expectant mothers crave. I strive to emulate the characteristics I envision in Heavenly Mother and become "a wise woman" in my community. If you follow my blog page on Facebook, you'll find my two favorite subjects are respecting the birthing woman and cleansing the earth from harmful bioaccumulating toxins.

If you are sensing a connection to "cleaning the earth from the blood and sins of this generation" in my efforts, you are right. I think that is what I'm trying to do. In my own small way and on behalf of women and children.

Direction to Not Pray to Heavenly Mother

2010-07-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Last week I blogged about, what up until that point, was the only direction I had learned by church leaders regarding whether LDS church members should worship a Mother in Heaven as equally as they do Father in Heaven. Evidently, a more firm prohibition does exist.

I've continued my study and found this from "The Mormon Concept of a Mother in Heaven" a chapter in "Women and Authority."

In a meeting for church regional representatives n 5 April 1991, Gordon B. Hinckley, first counselor in the First Presidency, responded to reports that "here and there, prayers have been offered to our Mother in Heaven." He had searched and found "nowhere in the Standard Works an account where Jesus prayed other than to His Father in Heaven...I have looked in vain for any instance..[of] 'a prayer to our Mother in Heaven." He said he "consider[s] it inappropriate for anyone in the Church to pray to our Mother in Heaven" and instructed regional representatives to "counsel priesthood holders to be on alert for the use of this expression and to make correction where necessary. Such correction can be handled in a discreet and inoffensive way. But it should be firm and without equivocation." (Gordon B. Hinckley, "Cornerstones of Responsibility" address Regional Representative Seminar, Salt Lake City, 5 Apr. 1991, 3-4.)

Elder Orson Pratt in The Seer I from 1853 also taught we are not to worship Heavenly Mother. Although we worship the father, "For the Father of our spirits is the Head of His Household and His wives and children are required to yield the most perfect obedience to their great Head. It is lawful for the children to worship the Kind of heaven, but not the 'Queen of heaven.'...Jesus prayed to His father, and taught His disciples to do likewise; but we are nowhere taught that Jesus prayed to His Heavenly Mother."

I have to point out that both of these quotes are relying upon inference from the scriptures and do not appeal or reference an answer to prayer regarding the topic. Providing counsel and direction without prayer to know the will of God does not seem correct to me and I do not understand why a simple question as "Father in Heaven, is it correct for members of thy church to pray to thee and thy queen?" could not be asked.

It also must be mentioned that both President Hinckley and Elder Pratt are referring to scriptures that are openly acknowledged as not complete, having "many plain and precious truths taken" from them and also being in many cases translated incorrectly due to "the interpolations of men." It seems a weak argument to say that because it is missing from our scriptures that no evidence exists.

Another hypothesis is that when Christ was praying to his Father, that he knew in his heart and mind that his Mother in Heaven also heard his prayers and without openly acknowledging with his words that he was praying to both his parents, that he indeed was.

All of that is conjecture and my attempt to point out the possibilities and should not be taken as statements of belief or perceived as truth. I'm glad that I continued my study to know what has been taught regarding worship of God the Father's equal and partner without first going forward in including her in my prayers.

Does being a Mormon Feminist make me an oxymoron?

2010-07-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

I'm getting into the world of Mormon feminism. It started with my work as a birth activist when Henci Goer, author and activist, said to me, "That's a feminist argument. Can Mormons be feminist?"

"I guess so. I don't know any but watch me be one," I replied.

Parallel to that, I was on a quest to understand Mormon women's predominant views on childbirth and why the majority of Mormon women heeded the "trust your doctor" advice. I have things to say about that, of course. But it was through Henci's question that I started looking to Mormon organizations that were working on social justice issues and Mormon Women's organizations to see if there were other LDS writers on childbirth issues. I started following the blogs at Feminist Mormon Housewives and Exponent.

I was thrown headlong into Mormon Feminism with this post from Jessawhy at Exponent. I jumped at the idea because it seemed like what I was looking for: a platform for LDS women to address issues of social injustice that they saw through out the world and a way for LDS women to work together to promote the civic policies that would be supported by the LDS Church (which were my educational and professional activities developed at BYU).

I've been working with organization since. It is in its formative stages still. Through my involvement with that organization, not only have I met a number of Mormon Feminists, I've found that there is a legacy of Mormon Feminism that started in the very beginnings of the LDS Church. Its become apparent to me that its a good idea to know this legacy and to learn more about it.

The first book I'm starting with on this topic is an anthology of articles called "Women and Authority: Re-emerging Mormon Feminism." From the table of contents and reviews I've read, it covers analysis of church policy in relation to Heavenly Mother as well as priesthood authority and women's roles in the church. For me, I'm seeking to understand where other women are coming from in their thoughts and desires relating to these issues and I'm finding that I am beginning to care to know the answers for myself as well.

The first thing that struck me from reading Women and Authority is the following passage:

There are different ways Mormon women and men receive access to priesthood power; through the baptismal covenant with Christ and gifts of the spirit; setting apart or ordination to various church positions; through the temple endowment and through temple marriage. Currently permission to use this priesthood is granted in full to men (through ordination to a priesthood office) and in limited form to women through setting apart to a church position. Priesthood discussions in this book focus on the temple endowment as the means of conferral of priesthood to women.

Historically in nineteenth-century Mormonism, priesthood offices have been conferred only to men; yet priesthood power and ordinances were administered by both women and men. After the turn of the century women's exercise of priesthood was discouraged and ultimately revoked, while men's priesthood was expanded. If the momentum of women's nineteenth-century priesthood had been maintained, women might have been fully included in the priesthood correlation program and perhaps would be fully able to exercise their priesthood power today.

Activation of women's priesthood power has been suggested by many Mormon feminists over the past decade. if this were to happen, women might not sense possession of something new but rather a loosening of bonds, perhaps a freedom to use something they have always had, or a spiritual liberation.

This crystalizes for me what I have been pondering as I've attended the temple recently. The language for women having an expanded role in the priesthood is there in the wording of the endowment ceremony. The historical legacy of feminist women in the early church is also there as I learned from reading biographies of the early presidents of the Relief Society.

I'm learning that some major shift happened in the church between then and now where it is no longer acceptable for women to act in the same ways that they did in the late 1800's. Additionally, this shift took place quietly and is marginalized in the history of the church. It is this combination that is upsetting to me.

I do know that given what I have learned regarding women giving blessings of healing, having greater autonomy in the Relief Society organization in the past and their role today as ordinance workers in the temple, that there is more that women can and maybe should be doing in the church today. I have sensed in the past that I as a woman in the church is held back from doing what I feel led to do and I'm realizing the background and history that is going into that.

At this point, I am honestly seeking to understand why this shutting out of women from the priesthood has occurred and to ask honestly and earnestly if the time is coming for when that will be changed.

Do Mormons Pray to Heavenly Mother?

2010-07-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

It’s not a secret that Mormons believe that God the Father has a wife and she is called Mother in Heaven or Heavenly Mother. In one of the distinctive LDS hymns "O My Father," poet Eliza R Snow wrote, “In the heav’ns are parents single? No the thought makes reason stare. Truth is reason, truth eternal, tells me I’ve a mother there.”

When Larry King asked president of the church at the time about the LDS belief in Heavenly Mother, Gordon B. Hinckley responded, “Yes, but we don’t pray to her.”

It appears to me that many members of the church who feel a desire to learn more about our Mother in Heaven believe that President Hinckley’s response was also an instruction that Mormons ought not to pray to Heavenly Mother.

This is the only source I have encountered that would specifically prohibit praying to God’s equal and feminine counterpart, if indeed it is a prohibition.

The scriptures remain silent to even a mention of heavenly mother (as far as I know, maybe Isaiah or somewhere in the Old Testament makes some oblique, cloaked in allegory reference to her). The Doctrine and Covenants, a collection of recorded revelations after the establishment of the LDS church, mentions that those who remain faithful in keeping their covenants to the ordinances of the gospel can become gods. Gods in this context remains gender neutral. It logically follows since women are as capable at fulfilling the commandments that they do can become gods—or in the feminine—goddesses.

The Doctrine and Covenants in expanding on the state of those who are exalted describes that those men and women who are sealed in the new and everlasting covenant (temple marriage), “shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths” (D&C 132:19). Referencing Psalms 82:6 and Christ’s own words in John 10:34, Doctrine and Covenants 76:58 states,” Wherefore, as it is written, they are gods, even the sons of God.”

The temple ceremonies of the LDS Church more clearly state that women through participating in the ceremonies and their faithfulness that they will be priestesses and goddesses with the implication that they will be equal to their husbands.

The play “Mother Wove the Morning” by Carol Lynn Pearson illustrates how, throughout human history, knowledge of the feminine divine has been removed from cultural wisdom to the point that now our belief in a female counterpart to God earns us the status of a pagan cult in the eyes of many religious denominations.

If then it is acknowledged as truth and women are in training to become goddesses, a Mother in Heaven does exist and must hear our prayers. If she hears our prayers and there is no specific prohibition to praying to Her then it appears to me that it is a personal choice, one not condemned by God, to include prayers to a Mother in Heaven if Father in Heaven to whom his people have been commanded to pray is not cast aside.

It could be argued, however, that when addressing our prayers to Heavenly Father that actually we are praying to Elohim, a Hebrew title that implies male and female diety (see my previous post on this topic: More Ponderings on Heavenly Mother

I then ask, is it appropriate to address our prayers to Elohim? What about our Parents in Heaven, Father and Mother in Heaven, or our Heavenly Parents?

And since I’m not yet comfortable to take my prayers there, I am currently feeling that the generic term “God” is least restrictive and most inclusive. This is a interesting circle of development because when I first started believing in the existence of God, I found the title too impersonal, ambiguous and felt that the divine was largely unknown and unknowable. I then preferred the humanity, intimacy and closeness that came from viewing God as my Father. And now I’ve come back around to embracing the title of God again, even if it is borne out of a discomfort that is coming from considering a change in believe that is not officially sanctioned by church doctrine.

It feels right, in my mind, to include Heavenly Mother in my prayers, though, I suspect whether I have been addressing her all these years, she has been hearing my prayers all along.

Until next time when I contemplate what Heavenly Mother might be thinking if response to her invisibility in the world today.

Working woman in the scriptures?

2010-06-30T13:55:00.000-07:00

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor, yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, an beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." Proverbs 31:20-31 KJV

This woman is not defined solely by her homemaking, but she is praised for her work outside the home. She is a professional at her craft of making fine linen. She is active and involved in caring for the needy and poor and she is praised equally for her work in these disparate roles.

How many women in the history of the world have not done what they were capable of because they accepted the teaching of men that they were to only focus on their children and husband?

It is still an issue facing women today, one that is a hot button topic in the LDS Church which is where I am trying to make my way as a woman, mother, wife and person. With skills, talents, passion and abilities to do many things that are not limited by my biological capabilities.

I am finding the balance of loving and caring for my children, being united in love and purpose with my husband and using the skills, and talents I've been inspired to develop. And through it all, I feel the Spirit leading me to know what is right and to be successful in each are of my life. I enjoy a fullness that I didn't anticipate and I'm grateful for. I hope that all women in the church can enjoy the fullness that this woman from Proverbs achieved and that church policies will encourage and promote this possibility greater than they have in the past.

If you could choose

2010-06-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

Lay aside your current beliefs. Try to be open-minded. Think critically. Be fair. Try to think like God. If God were a loving God, how would the plan go? If you were God and wanted to make a world that was fair and good and right for all people in it, how would you do it?

1. God would be....

Male
Female
Neither, a spirit
Male and female, separate beings but one in equal partnership
Nothing, no god

2. The afterlife would be...

Nothing, just death
Heaven and Hell
Levels depending on a person's relative goodness
everyone all together, no separation from each other, like in life
everyone is "saved" and is happy

3. Marriage and families after death would be...

'til death do you part, not with your spouse and children from the earth
forever, with your spouse and children from life if you chose to remain with him/her
can be forever if you have a shared affinity with each other

4. Ordinances/ sacraments (baptism, etc) are...

optional for salvation
required for salvation
not necessary for salvation
nice ceremonies and have nothing to do with salvation

5. Any ordinances...

must be done in this life
are not necessary in the life
can be done on behalf of a person if they were unable to obtain them in this life

6. God's church on the earth should be led by:

paid clergy who pursue church leadership as a career
a person or people who decide to start their own religion
apostles, prophets called by God
people elected from the church body

7. The purpose of life is...

a joke
meaningless
to be good to others and be happy and then we die
to worship God
to become like God

8. The effects of sin (wrongdoing)...

are limited to this life
demand justice so therefore cannot be forgiven
repentance is possible through one's own efforts
repentance requires an intermediary to take away the effects of sin
there is no sin

9. The end result of all this is...

a world that comes to its end through laws of nature
people who have lived on the earth obtain God's knowledge and power
people worship God forever as angels
people become one with God by their spirits combining
nothingness

10. Revelation and miracles...

are no longer necessary
are only for church leaders
are available to anyone who asks in faith
are only for God's chosen people
are not real

11. The best church to join is....

a source of community and a place to share spirituality
people's best attempt at recreating the church that Christ set up
whichever you feel most comfortable in
God's vehicle for communicating his will and organizing his kingdom on the earth
there's no such thing

12. Christ was/is...

a wise teacher
a heretic who claimed to be God
a false prophet
who he says he is

13. God is...

a general sense of goodness, love and beauty that permeates everything
angry and vengeful
the perfect parent
a benign presence in the universe

14. Christ's suffering and death was...

a blood sacrifice
the result of his delusions
vicarious suffering for the effects of our sins so we could be free of them
unimportant to the world and to us as individuals

15. People can act in God's name:

whenever they feels like it
when church leaders give them that authority
when God inspires them to act
when God confers that authority on them

If you chose:

God should be male and female
where a person goes in the afterlife depends on a person's relative goodness,
families can be together forever
God has instituted some essential ordinances for salvation but provides a way for them to be accomplished if they are not obtained in this life
God's church on the earth should be led by apostles and prophets
the purpose of life is to become like God
repentance from sin is possible with an intermediary
people who have lived on the earth gain God's knowledge and power (thereby becoming like God)
revelation and miracles are available to all those who ask in faith
the best church to join is led and directed by God
Christ is who he says he is and that his suffering and death was an act performed vicariously for each person on the earth to have the spiritual effects of his/her sins taken away
God is the perfect parent and gives people power to act in God's name like a parent who gives their child responsibility and they learn.

Then, you would probably be very interested to know that these doctrines are taught by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you have questions about the LDS Church answered at mormon.org or by contacting the local LDS missionaries at LDS church buildings on Sundays.

I found that this set of doctrines and beliefs were unique to the LDS Church (often called Mormon) and was impressed at the fairness and completeness of their teachings. I felt like everyone was covered and if a person (like the many billions who have lived) had not learned and accepted the gospel, and had the correct ordinances performed, that they would not be lost or condemned to hell, not having had the chance to accept or reject it. To me, the LDS teachings are more logical and rational than what I had learned elsewhere; example: if God is our father and is male, don't we have a mother too?

When I was thinking about Christian churches, I felt that the right church for me had to possess certain beliefs that provided a means for salvation for all people. This list of questions is my attempt at summarizing the different views that are present in the world on the variety of topics I listed. It is by no means exhaustive. If you have want to add a topic to the list and have my suggest the various dominant world views on that topic, please suggest it to me in the comments.

Teaching children as the Lord teaches us

2010-06-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

"Another scripture which has proved helpful many times is Abraham 4:18. I found this scripture while wondering how I could give instructions to my children and have them obey me. Just asking my 5-year-old and 3-year-old to go tidy up their room wasn’t working. “And the Gods watched those things which they had ordered until they obeyed.” I realized that for children that young, I actually had to watch them obey, and encourage them along the way. That was a very helpful insight which led to one of my parenting hints (I keep a list for myself inside the cupboard): “Never make a request unless you are willing to help them follow through.” Sometimes children just cannot obey without a little help from a parent. Happily, this gets better as time goes on. I don’t need to watch my older girls clean up their room, but I do follow up with them, always." Rebecca Hendrickson

A valuable lesson for me as a parent. How much frustration is there when I tell my child to do something, expect to get it done and then ignore the process they go through to either do, or try to do it just to find that it didn't work?

It shows you care and you are supportive and available to grant assistance when it can be useful. It relates to how God when we do all we can do and then he steps in to make up our lack or give us the inspiration and spiritual teaching that we would not have gained if not for divine intervention (2 Nephi 25: 23).

I'm pretty good at it but this lesson helps me not doubt my intuition as a parent. Not only will learning this insight help me remember my duty to supervise and be available for assistance more than I am, it gives me a sense of confidence in what I've been doing--that I'm actually getting something right.

This lesson has also helped me in feeling better about how I've been relating to my mother recently. She has been struggling in learning to care for herself after a stroke that required her to relearn to walk. I have been helping and having me close by knowing that I'm aware of her challenges is accomplishing a task and nearby to provide assistance if needed is very comforting. I'm glad I can provide that comfort because I know how much I value having that assurance coming from the Spirit.

Bearing Testimony (Everything can be fit into one testimony meeting)

2010-06-22T02:04:00.000-07:00

I know that the Spirit communicates to me and it has taught me many truths of the gospel. I have been able to, in many circumstances from doctrinal questions, to personal conversion to life's trials and decisions, find answers to my prayers and knowledge that I could not get from any other source. Having grown up not knowing that the Spirit could lead me, I have such an appreciation for some of the ambiguity of life to be taken away from me and the existential despair that sometimes accompanied it.
A list of testimonies that I've received through personal revelation in the last 10 years since my conversion:
That God exists. This one was huge for me and I cannot deny the spiritual confirmation I received the first time I sincerely asked with faith.
That peoples' spirits live on after death.
That Christ knows my pain, suffering and sadness.
That Christ has carried me through hardship.
That the Book of Mormon fulfills prophecy of another record testifying of Christ, it teaches true doctrine.
That Joseph Smith was a prophet.
That the First Vision actually happened.
That there is a prophet on the earth today.
That my Father in Heaven hears my prayers.
That God is my Father. When I felt like I was fatherless, he reminded me that I have a perfect Father who will teach me and love me better than any earthly father could.
That I lived with God before I was born. There is something eternal about my spirit and it will continue to exist after my physical body dies. This is the reality of life. Its been obscured by the veil, by tradition and culture but it is the truest thing in the world and it is what this world is founded on.
That my little brother (stillborn at 38 weeks) lives and will be part of our family in the afterlife even though official church doctrine does not say one way or the other.
That people who have died can and do accept vicarious temple work that has been performed for them and I have felt that confirmation for family members personally.
That I will meet my ancestors one day.
That music is a form of communication with the divine.
That dance is another form.
That knowledge and truth can be found in a great diversity of places and God glories in it all.
That there is good to be found in people everywhere and that to a great degree their religion doesn't matter. He loves them and has a plan for them and it is not my duty to interfere with that plan. In my mother's case, it is not right for me to push her in the direction of baptism and its been hinted to me that it will be years before it occurs and that is the way Heavenly Father needs it to be for some reason.
That the church was established by God to carry out his work on the earth.
That one day all pain, suffering, sadness, sickness, poverty and injustice will end.
That Heavenly Father wanted me to marry my husband. He even told me the time and the place through the Spirit.
That Heavenly Father revealed to me when we were supposed to try to conceive our first child.
That years before I even knew I wanted to go to graduate school (and before I was baptized), I had a strong spiritual impression that I would go to school in Hawaii and when I was accepted into grad school there, I had it confirmed again. And then again and again throughout my program that I was supposed to be doing it even though it was the exception to the rule of Mormon culture.
That Heavenly Father intends me to be an exception to the rule when it comes to women's roles in the Church. I am supposed to continue my education, supposed to be involved in professional pursuits and that at some point, when it is revealed to me that the time is right, I will be expected to work outside the home.
That Heavenly Father is concerned about women's roles and duties in the church and that he supports and sustains the efforts of individual members to seek change in current policies and practices.
That I have the capability to become a creator of worlds like Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. (Therefore I know the Heavenly Mother is real too).
That someday all that is unclear, confusing, ambiguous, not revealed, lost or hidden will be made available to the understanding of Heavenly Father's spirits. There will be great learning that goes on in the afterlife.
That it doesn't matter so much who you are sealed to as long as you are sealed. And it doesn't so much matter if that sealing can't happen in this life because it can be worked out in the next.
That all will fall into place. All be will clear and known. There are going to be visions of history as it really was and the full weight of accountability will rest upon the shoulders of those who have hurt, damaged or dammed our progress.
That our bodies and minds will be made whole, complete and healthy after we die.
That we are given great treasures of knowledge on this earth to assist us in being healthy.
That science can teach and inspire us and when science is silent, God can reveal where to turn next. Science and the spirit work together in ways that are wonderful and only barely understood.
That God can tell a person what will happen in their future when asked what the outcome will be of a certain decision and in doing so can either confirm the rightness of that decision or lead you to the right decision.
That God can be near when He is needed.
That God will give space for people to learn and grow and decide for themselves and he will sometimes remain silent to "see what little squirt can do." As we become more spiritually mature, he expects us be more independent and take the initiative to figure things out for ourselves using the correct principles we've learned to guide us.
That he expects us to treat our bodies according to how our biology is designed, with few exceptions.
That God wants us to be empathetic, understanding, respectful and loving to all people and to help them according to their wants and needs in ways that will actually help them and in order to determine what that is, he expects us to be sensitive to the Spirit in being led to figure out what those wants and needs are.
That he wants us to find the balance between relying on ourselves, on external forces, influences, people and on him to be functioning, capable and competent souls.
That there is an oppositional force in this world that fights against all that is good and right and true and for whatever reason that force is necessary and the lessons we learn in thwarting that evil influence makes us stronger.
That the world is in a fallen state, separate from God and therefore not free from natural, random, chaotic failures in nature's processes. It is not God's will but natural laws that he is also subject to.

I know that's alot and some of it may appear cookie cutter, but please believe me that what I have learned have come through sacred spiritual experiences. It goes beyond "I know because I've been taught" but to "I know because I've felt in my body and spirit that its true" and "Because Heavenly Father clearly told me though the Spirit that it is true." I love the gospel. I love its richness, depth, universality. I love that we are not overwhelmed at one time with all the information/truth/knowledge about this world and I accept that the world has not been given as much information as some are ready and are yearning for. I am trying to patient to have my further questions answered knowing that in some cases the world and perhaps many in the church are not ready to know the truth. I have tremendous respect for our Father in Heaven who knows what we as individual and we as a collective spiritual family need and how he weighs that all out is amazing. I know I can trust him and that someday everything will be made right, and until then he wants us, in the ways we are able, work to make everything right for ourselves, our families and for others.

Monogamy as the Rule

2010-06-04T01:58:00.000-07:00

From the Cassler article on Polygamy from Square Two:

" In verse 27 Jacob expounds the law of marriage--the rule or unrestricted form of marriage, if you will: “Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none” (Jacob 2:27). The general law (or rule or unrestricted form) of the eternal principle of marriage is monogamy. That monogamy is the law or rule of the principle of marriage is found several places throughout the scriptures. To take but one example, the Lord says in Doctrine and Covenants 49:16 “Wherefore, it is lawful that he [man] should have one wife, and they twain shall be one flesh, and all this that the earth might answer the end of its creation.” In the beginning, when the earth was empty and sorely needed replenishing, God gave Adam but one wife, Eve, that the pattern of his law of marriage might be set from the dawn of time in the very first human marriage on earth (see also Moses 5:3). [5] Joseph Smith said, “ I have constantly said no man shall have but one wife at a time, unless the Lord directs otherwise.” [6] Bruce R. McConkie concurs: “According to the Lord’s law of marriage, it is lawful that a man have only one wife at a time, unless by revelation the Lord commands plurality of wives in the new and everlasting covenant.” [7] Of course, taking a plurality of wives outside of the new and everlasting covenant, outside of being commanded to do so by the Lord, is always a grievous sin. [8] "

From this I now see that my understanding of marriage in the eternities have been in slight error. In my envisioning of our Heavenly Parents' relationship, I thought it was highly likely that our Father God has more than one female consort and that the general rule of marriage was that Gods and people who have attained higher levels of spiritual development practiced polygamy in most cases.

Yet now I see that this not have to be the case and that perhaps, in general, most of the time, maybe almost all the time, that marriage partners will be monogamous in this life and in the eternities. I know that this would be a comforting thought to my husband who, in his endearing way, only want to love me for the rest of eternity and is bothered at the thought of having his time and involvement limited with me by sharing himself with other women. I have never faulted him for that and hope that this concept that I'm learning about will give him the assurance that, unless there is some special exception, that will not be asked of us.

My picture of the eternities is changed now. The possibility that Father in Heaven has one marriage partner, Mother in Heaven seems more likely to me, though I know that too could be incorrect, given some special circumstance he encountered before becoming creator of this world.

Many questions remain...

Lesson Learned

2010-06-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

My children are not my own.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that he was a parent before you were parents and that he has not relinquished his parental rights or interest in these little ones."

"Though in mortality we may bear children with our bodies, and tend their bodies and spirits, the reality is that they are not our eternal increase--they are the Lord’s eternal increase." (Cassler-Square 2 article)

Duly noted.

And yet, through the new and everlasting covenant of marriage, I receive the promise of having "eternal increase" i.e "a continuation of the seeds forever and ever." (D&C 132:19) which is the promise that through becoming gods (vs 20), our children then become our own, not on loan to us through our Heavenly Parents but our own spiritual creation.

How sobering to learn that the children that have come forth from my body are more like my siblings--that's where that feeling as been coming from! Its not just because I'm an only child and never before had known what it was like for a young child to persistently need to interact and be near me. It will not be until I am a perfect being, a god, that my children will really be my own and it won't be the children who were born to me in this place. My Willem, my Belle will take their place next to me as equals as creators of their own worlds.

I may not really ever feel like my spiritually begotten children are entirely my own because like our heavenly parents have done with us and our earthly children, we would then give custody over to other parents who in reality are also our children.

Circle within circles. No human is ever really belonging to another person. Slavery, then cannot rightfully exist.

How then, if I reflect, do I feel like I really belong to my heavenly parents? Am I really theirs? Do they feel that I am really theirs since according to the pattern, they have granted my earthly parents the opportunity to tend to my development?

Does that lead me to feel that in a way, I am more equal and capable because I'm not eternally being viewed as a child, belonging to someone else? The mores of human and spiritual connection our there anchoring me to comfort and familiarity, but I stand independently as a spiritual entity, created and nurtured and buoyed up on many sides of existence as a spirit. Like my earthly children become equals to me, I become equal with God . They become equal with God.

We are all equals.

Reincarnation in LDS Doctrine?

2010-05-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

In a book group, I am discussing the book "What Dreams May Come" by Richard Matheson. The members of the book group are mainly LDS so there has been a lot of discussion regarding the ending which portrays reincarnation. Pretty much everything up until that point is pretty analogous to LDS doctrine. I figured I was doing due diligence to read about what has been taught regarding reincarnation too. It seems auspicious that I was introduced to the group Mormon Mystics at the same time, as learning about Joseph Smith's investigation into Kabbalah led me to know that he discussed and taught about the idea of reincarnation.

I know that the term wasn't used until after his death so he never said the word "reincarnation" but he did use terminology synonymous to it. My confusion comes from being unclear in LDS terms what he was referring to. The only sources I've found for this discussion are from Sunstone and this presentation entitled "Reincarnation and The Restoration: Does Joseph Smith's Last Teaching Help Explain Pre-Mortality and Eternal Progression?" offers the clearest explanation, yet the concept is still very unclear to me.

It seems there are two proposals for how reincarnation works in LDS theology:

1) Resurrection and eternal progression means that the same spirit inhabits different bodies though the same personality is present and the bodies resemble the physical body from this life. I heard it proposed that as we progress to perfection, we will live on different planets and fulfill different roles in the plan of salvation for others: as a Holy Ghost, as a Savior, as a God the Father, etc.

2) There are some things in life that require a new body (e.g. grievous sin that cannot be repented of in this life or the world to come--murder is an example or through infant mortality, spontaneous abortion where a spirit does not get a "fair chance" to inhabit mortality). When one of these things occur it becomes expedient for a spirit to enter into a new body to either repent and do better with the new life given them or to get the opportunity to live a full life and the complete experience of mortality.

Both of them could be true simultaneously because they are not mutually exclusive of one another.

There also seemed like there was a choice that could be made, that a person could opt to enter into a new body and earth to improve upon their probation which could be considered an addendum to #2 above.

On to the personal reaction to those ideas: I'm open to accepting them as true but like historical reactions to polygamy, I don't like the sound of it. The plan I like the sound of is (without reincarnation): you live, you die, you spend your time in the spirit world learning and working, you live in the Millennium finishing the work on the earth, you are judged according to your work on earth and in the spirit world, you repent in some area of the spirit world if needed and then you enter into your final abode, get your resurrected body and live in the kingdom you have earned, and while you live there, you learn more and progress to become a god of your own world. If I'm sounding whiny, I am because the idea of reincarnation to me sounds like a lot more work and a harder plan to accomplish. I also have a sense of attachment to who I consider my self. I want to be me through out eternity. I also have reservations on how a doctrine of reincarnation affects eternal families. It seems to me that instead of a chain linking generations together, it becomes a web of links; more like chain mail than a cord.

Even as I wrote about the plan of how I want and how have interpreted it in my understanding, I see multiple opportunities for gaining another body and experiencing mortality again. Perhaps the repenting done after the judgment is done in a mortal probation. Or, like what is portrayed in "What Dreams May Come" while waiting in the spirit world, opportunities to learn come from returning to the earth from which you have departed and going into a new body learn more about mortality (this would solve feeling like there are not enough hours in the day to learn everything there is to learn in this life). Or, yet another opportunity, comes after resurrection when you can lay aside your resurrected body and in preparation to becoming God one again inhabit a mortal body to "rise above and descend below all things" as Christ did (D&C 88:6).

A part of my frustration in understanding this concept is not having text resources to work with. I much prefer to read text and be able to stop and ponder and read the idea over and over again to understand it. I feel limited by the audio presentations. I'll be looking for transcripts of the presentations and hope that I can dig deeper into sources and ideas that way.

Embracing Truth Wherever It Can Be Found: Some Answered Questions about Baha'i

2010-04-26T14:12:00.001-07:00

I've been continuing to read the book that my neighbor is letting me borrow called "Some Answered Questions" I'm in the thick of the section on Christian topics and will admit honestly that I'm struggling with it. I will not argue that the author is incorrect as he ascribes certain alternative meanings to Christian scripture. For example, Christ wasn't literally resurrection bodily, but his cause experienced a figurative resurrection when his followers moved past grieving his death and turned to spreading the Christian teachings throughout the world.

However, I find it very frustrating that he casts a broad stroke over Christianity with blanket statements teaching, specifically, that Christians (all) accept the idea of original sin and other Christian views. Over and over again, I find myself thinking that the author is missing understanding of LDS theology or, perhaps, worse is ignoring it by not addressing it. My guess is that LDS theology is grouped into Christianity without an understanding of its differences. At the time when "Some Answered Questions" was written, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was not very well known and having many fewer than the membership of 14 million today.

Its not surprising that LDS doctrine is missing, though I feel its important for the book to be relevant to me and other Latter-day Saints, that the Baha'i need to address Mormonism separately when addressing Christian topics. I've done some searches for comparative analyses between Baha'i and LDS and I haven't found anything. For comparitive religion hounds, that would be a good topic to explore. I'd love to see some of the people from the Maxwell Institute write up this book in particular. It also comes to mind that I could write a scholarly review of it.

I have an idea of how much effort and time that would take and I'm not sure I'm up for the task. That's the nice thing about not having deadlines. I don't have to feel rushed to get it done and I can take the time to really research and refine it. An interesting thought...

More Ponderings on Heavenly Mother

2010-04-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

It is well known in Christianity that the dove is a symbol for the Holy Ghost, or so it is typically portrayed. Today, however; I came across a different explanation--one that fits in with my recent pondering regarding the Divine Feminine/Heavenly Mother.

I should probably, then state what I have recently speculated regarding Heavenly Mother. I recently remembered being taught that the name for God given in the Old Testament and Doctrine Covenant, when translated from Hewbrew, implies that God is not singular, but plural (Source: http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Elohim). It became strikingly clear that the plural in Elohim might be referring to Heavenly Mother.

After listening to the Sunstone presentation summarized here, I couldn't help but begin to believe that when we are praying to Elohim, whom we are, though we may be using more culturally relevant terms, we may actually be praying to our Mother in Heaven. When President Hinckley was asked about LDS beliefs about Heavenly Mother, he was clear to stare that we do not and should not pray to her (to the exclusion of Father in Heaven). Perhaps, given the understanding of Gods as plural, we may be able to achieve what some feel is lost through the current teachings relating to Heavenly Mother.

With that in mind, then I was struck when I learned today that in Celtic symbolism, the dove is a strong symbol of motherhood. What then, if the allusion to the dove descending over Christ upon his baptism is not just "the Spirit like a dove" but also an indication of Heavenly Mother witnessing and approving of his holy act?

I believe I recall learning that some speculate that perhaps the Holy Spirit is the manifestation of our Heavenly Mother but that does not seem to be logical given the teachings that the Holy Spirit is not embodied, but to be the equal of God the Father, Mother in Heaven would have a resurrected body like the Father and Christ. I do not know if my thoughts are true doctrine or not, yet neither do I feel the Spirit discouraging me from seeking to understand. I feel as if now I am on a quest for the hidden knowledge and mysteries referred to in the gospel and that through my open-minded learning, I am gaining insight into what may someday be revealed more publicly. As for why revelations have not been forthcoming on the topic of Heavenly Mother and other aspects of doctrine, I have theories on that and will maybe soon get to a post about that.

Finding Parallels in Polythesism: The Legend of Ni'auepo'o

2010-04-20T11:16:00.001-07:00

I have been exploring the world of polytheism lately. I'm testing a hypothesis that the various gods/goddesses of ancient cultures can give insight into certain aspects and characteristics of the God I recognize and worship. I'm just getting started on this and the first culture I turned to was from ancient Hawai'i.

In reading from the book "Folktales of Hawaii" by Mary Kawena Pukui, I last night read The Legend of Ni'auepo'o, a boy whose father moves away when he is very young. His father gives him some items to bring with him so the father will recognize his son when he goes to seek for his father. When the time comes for the boy to find his father, he chooses to not bring the items and gets there in another, magical way. His father does not recognize him, is angry and killed his son for being an impostor. When the son returns from the dead, the father is told by the prophets of his village that the man standing before him claiming to be his son is indeed his son. The father repents by preparing an offering for an ancestor-god and accepts his son.

Legends, stories and allegories are fascinating and as I ponder this legend more, the more I begin to learn from it. And that's just with my cultural background, and not being schooled in much Hawaiian culture.

I see a parallel between Ni'auepo'o and Christ being prophesied and expected by the Jewish people to come to them, but then he is not recognized when he does appear and they kill him. Just as Christ, Ni'auepo'o is resurrected and comes back to his people and no doubt, there was a period of where his people came to the realizsation that not only was it him that came, but that he returned after death; just like how over the centuries some Jews have come to the realization that the one early Jewish people killed is who he said he was. In that way, the Legend of Ni'auepo'o can be used as an allegory for the prophesies of Christ, his persecution when he declares himself, his death and resurrection.

What role does this particular legend play in convincing Hawaiians of Christ? It may actually dissuade more than convince if one views the story of Christ as a more modern substitute for an ancient legend. As Christianity is famous for superimposing Christian rites and beliefs over earlier cultural beliefs and practices, could this not be one more example?

If one were to consider the perspective here, this could be an example of how the gospel was known from the beginning and that ancient peoples the world over knew the stories and prophesies, and those stories became the legends of ancient cultures, with words and names in their own language and cultural practices that were familiar to their locale, climate and food system.

There are other concepts that can be learned from this legend, specifically Ni'auepo'o's mother as a strong female character who has a strong relationship with deity and power to invoke and enact magic/miracles. There are likely other concepts present in the legend as well and its a good example of how simple stories--this one is simple enough that my little boy would likely enjoy it--can veil powerful cultural and spiritual truths.

Embracing Truth Wherever It Can Be Found: In Baha'i "The Sun of Reality"

2010-04-14T12:31:00.001-07:00

A neighbor is Baha'i and she is letting me borrow a book that is considered an introduction to the origins and beliefs of the Baha'i faith. Its titled "Some Answered Questions" written by 'Abdu'l-Baha and is actually the edited transcripts of a series of interviews.

In my reading I have learned that the Baha'i historically have taught that Christ was who he says he was and Muhammad is who he says he was. The Baha'i too subscribe, more so than Latter-day Saints that truth is truth wherever it can be found. They also seem to teach the concept of apostasy, though the word is not used as a label. The following passage, that I have found describes that truth , called the Sun of Reality.

The people of perception are the seekers of the truth, and not the places of its appearance, nor of its dawning points; therefore they will adore the Sun from whatever point in the zodiac it may appear, and they will seek the Reality of the Sanctified Soul Who manifests it. Such people always attain to the truth and are not veiled from the Sun of the Divine World.

It goes on to describe how many religions that exist in the world today get "stuck" on the teachings of certain people.

"For example, once the Sun of Reality poured forth its ray from the sign of Abraham, and then it dawned from the sign of Moses and illuminated the horizon. Afterward it rose with the greatest power and brilliancy from the sign of Christ. Those who were seekers of Reality worshipped that Reality wherever they saw it, but those who were attached to Abraham were deprived of its influences when it shone upon Sinai and illuminated the reality of Moses. Those who held fast to Modeses, when the Sun of Reality shone from Christ with the utmost radiance and lordly splendor were also veiled; and so forth."

In terminology reminiscent of the early LDS prohets:

"Therefore, man must be the seeker after the Reality and he will find that Reality in each of the Sanctified Souls. He must be fascinated and enraptured, and attracted to the divine bounty; he must be like the butterfly who is the lover of the light from whatever lamp it may shine, and like the nightingale who is the lover of the rose in whatever garden it may grow."

It was this sort of logic that led me to ever begin learning about the LDS Church. I found a completeness of doctrine and was taught that "the reality" of existence began with the creation of the universe, we lived premortally and that the plan of salvation is not just a story concocted by humans to explain away our presence on the earth, but the explanation from the beginning of all that we see and experience.

One of the beauties of the "first principles and ordinances of the gospel" is that they are so simple, so universal and so accessible to all--if not in this life, in the next and time is given to extend those ordinances to each person who ever lives. But as I'm continuing on my individual "search for truth and meaning" I am feeling that as I have secured those blessings for myself, and strive to teach my children, friends and family to secure those blessings for themselves, that I must continue onward seeking truth wherever it can be found. I love the doctrines of the gospel, and yearn for the hidden treasures and mysteries, spoken of in the Word of Wisdom and the Book of Mormon. I'm finding that as I explore and seek out the doctrines of the gospel of Christ, I am finding portions that testify of the divine reality in many places, across religions.

I find this requires an open and inquisitive mind that when I find something where I instinctively recoil, I can objectively study it out to learn more. For example, I feel that my next steps are to learn about the prophet Mohammad and other spiritual leaders of other religions to decide for myself if they are, like the framers of the Protestant Reformers, inspired men and women who speak truth to a certain time, culture and people that can give them a foundation for seeking further truth and knowledge. I feel that the Unitarian Universalists did that for me and by being accepting enough to seek additional truth, I did find and now I can continue seeking and find more.

Easter Sunday: Notes and Promptings from General Conference

2010-04-04T17:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I posted my notes and reflections from the Saturday sessions of General Conference and now I'm going to try to follow-through (something I often fail to do) and finish the rest of the conference with the Sunday talks.

It seemed harder to pay attention today, mainly because Willem was pretty active and hyper throughout and it can be mentally taxing to pay attention to hours of speaking. Happens to be at academic and professionals conferences too.

Reflecting back on the whole of the two days of conference, it seems obvious that there were two themes: the central importance of parents and family teaching children and the mission and work of Jesus Christ (not surprising since it is Easter today).

Sunday Morning:
Uchtdorf:welcoming those who are different, addressing the needs of those who do not fit in, disappointed that he did not reach out to those who have been offended

I was very excited by this talk because given the homogeneity of the LDS Church, members are prone to exclude others (within and without the church) based on appearance and perceived differences. Its unfortunate and sad that it even needs to be said, but Pres. Uchtdorf said it well. As seen in my notes, I was disappointed that he did not reach out directly and speak to those who have been offended as I feel that is an important message to portray. Not that I would know what to say, but I'm not a prophet!

My husband and I have at times felt like outsiders and that we don't fit in with our current ward. The differences are so small and inconsequential but we have had conversations about how it hurts, how we don't feel at home and how we don't feel it is ideal. We are not very different at all from our other ward members so its sad for me to imagine if what it might have been like for my 14 year old self to walk into my ward building...

I really do hope and pray that what is aparently a weakness within the Church can become a strength, that we might be able to borrow a page from the Unitarian Universalists and the Methodists who proclaim "welcoming congregations."(Though I have had a couple of experiences where I was not made to feel welcome in a UU congregation. Ironic).

Scott: testifiying of Christ, what role Christ plays in our lives, expressed a lack of understanding of the atonement, teaches to those who do not believe in Christ and the value to bless, save, and reunite, repentance

Nice, strong talk about Christ, his resurrection and his essential nature in relation to our eternal lives. I was awed to hear an apostle of Christ say that he lacks understanding of the atonement, though I do know that it is beyond human comprehension to fully get the depth and breadth of suffering Christ experienced. One would have to have suffered all the hurt, pain, sorrow and sins of all the people who ever have and will live on the earth, and since we only have need on one Savior, it is not necessary for any to know that pain.

Seventy (Hallstrom): birth called a monumental event, talking about a difficult birth and fetal death, decrying blaming the doctor, God. another story of death in childbirth (that's encouraging for young women and young mothers!) and another! turn to the Lord for Solace in loss related to childbirth Peter--something sort of genetic thing in his family. adversity-comfort in Christ, lists adversity of many kinds I'd add trauma, unexpected scary events

I struggle with this talk because, though he was speaking from sad personal and family experience, I am sorely disappointed that often the only references to the act of childbirth in Conference are stories of complications, death and needed medical assistance. What does that say to the young women of the church who do not have much experience or knowledge of the process of childbirth, who see it removed to a hospital with all its connotations of illness, danger and potential death? I long to hear a talk in Conference that urges and inspires women to value and trust in the process of childbirth, that was divinely appointed and created. Though we live in a world subject to disease, the female body does not malfunction as often as we have been led to believe.

I also think that the mention of the counsel to not blame the doctors will lead members of the church to continue not questioning their doctors actions even when questioning is very much warranted. While I recognize it is sometimes true (and it might be in this family's case given Peter's speculation about genetics), it is often enough in our current medical system not true. Iatrogenic harm runs rampant and unchecked and families are losing mothers and babies because of the unethical practices of doctors and hospital systems. Just a simple statement such a telling people to not blame doctors can be taken seriously enough to let the harms continue unchecked. The brethren are likely unaware of it and I find it sad.

At the end of Elder Scott's talk, he lists a number of adversities faced by humans and though he did not include trauma on the list, it certainly

Lant: teaching young children the gospel Christ told parents two things: 1) bring children to me for blessing 2) teach children the gospel Christ has prayed for each of us. Ballard quote: it is our obligation as parents to enfold our children in our arms like the love of Savior.

As a parent of young children, this talk gives me some guidance for where to look and what to think about when teaching my children about the Savior. It also brings to mind some experiences I've had regarding the phrase "encircled by the arms of his love."
As a new convert to the church, I taught the four years olds in primary. In one lesson the phrase came up and in trying to teach the children what "enfolded by the arms" I told them that it meant being given a hug. I suggested that they all come to me and I would give them a hug. I would enfold them in my arms and as they did so, I testified that Jesus would someday literally hold and hug them too and that he loves them. I think the Spirit spoke strongly of that to the children, but if it did not, it spoke strongly to me.

The other experience was from a time when I was struggling with feeling the Spirit. I found in mental illness, in my case depression, that it can be very difficult to feel the Spirit through the mental anguish and numbness. I received a blessing that promised me that I would someday soon feel "encircled by the the arms of his love." Given how I had been feeling that was hard to believe. As time went on, I sought it out, I tried to capture that feeling by listening to the Spirit as I prayed and pondered. It was a while before I felt it and even when I did I was disappointed at how resentful I felt that it took so long. Given that experience, its no wonder that I could feel a little ambivalence towards the phrase.

Cook: following the Savior, distinction in the Atonement, Satan's counterfeit suffering for Christ in the abuses he endured as he went to the cross. civil in discourse, respectful in disagreeing with others. refer to this talk later, very good information, though little new. uplifting

This is one that I know I want to refer to again and gain a better understanding of what Elder Cook meant regarding Satan's counterfeit for the suffering of Christ. The reminder for civility in discourse, as well as the implication that Latter-day Saints ought to be involved in discourse was a welcome message for me to hear, specifically as it relates to one the question I was specifically pondering for the conference (refer to my notes from the Saturday session).

Monson: the inevitability of death "if a man die, shall he live again?" On Easter morning, we know the answer. If there is a design in this world, there must be a designer. expounds on the entire plan of salvation- premortal to exaltation

President Monson delivered a strong lesson on the plan of salvation as well as a prophetic testimony of the Resurrection of Christ. Its one of my favorite aspect of the gospel because that it is in the resurrection of all man-kind that I put my hope and trust in the gospel.

Sunday afternoon:
Nelson: family exalted together, sealing of families, discussing duplication of names in temple work: New Family Search "complex computer technology" simplified procedures for everyone to participate "wherever the internet is available" partaking of the blessings of the gospel

Hales: media and technology can interfere with spiritual development, impossible to overestimate the influence of parents, research shows that parents assist children through difficult transitions and challenges. family meals: everyone sit down together. counsel to achieve eternal families

Seventy (Foster) single parenthood. this seventy was raised by a single mom. influence of mothers: "because mother told me" "just follow your mothers." How many times have I asked Willem to just please trust me!

Seventy Martino: do not complain or murmur in trials. ways to act during trials: help others is one, love others (missed the rest because of boisterious 3 yr old who then was sent outside to play)

Seventy Schwitzer: judge well when making decisions, avoid quick judgements on people, story of Martha and Mary, people can be quick to judge Martha but then refer to Martha at Lazarus's tomb showing exemplary faith. Listening to the Spirit is vital in developing good judgement, finding a peaceful environment and finding peace internally in our souls.

Seventy Vinias: teaching gospel (specifies aspects of the gospel) to children and to nonmembers

Anderson: no assigned topics, no collaboration of themes in conference talks: if you sense a theme, its the mind and will of the Lord. have our children been taught the gospel by us? have they internalized the scriptures, rely on prayer, gotten to know the Savior? speak more frequently about Jesus Christ. quote for Jennifer from Elder Oakes's mother. my husband called my attention to: fathers talk to your children,it will remain in his or hers souls--not just fathers to sons. story about car accident with parallels to my dad's death-seriously?

Monson: serious and concerning problems/ills in the world. add lack of ethics, greed (thinking of maternity services) to list off ills he names- lost opportunities, forfeited blessings (describes my feeling about effects of maternity services) look to the Lord. does not advocate civic involvement to thwart these problems, but to live personally- shun from our own lives. "I love you" to listeners of conference

Promptings from General Conference

2010-04-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

I've included my notes that I took from conference. With two little ones, they are very brief but I tried to get the basic gist of each talk, as well as record when I heard something that applied to recent ponderings or prompted me in some way. My thoughts after the fact with be block-quoted.

My ponderings have been on topics that relate to different aspects of my life: my role as a mother/parent, wife, citizen of the world. In preparation for Conference, I had thought of number of things I was going to listen for related to these areas of my life in an effort to obtain guidance in them. This is what I've been listening for:

References to social justice efforts, mainly examples of community involvement addressing social ills through organized efforts.
Ideas relating to gender roles, with a focus on listening for examples of where inappropriate gender stereotypes are avoided.
Ways to strengthen my marriage
Lessons on how to raise a daughter
Ideas for improving my teaching as a parent to my children
Answers to gospel questions (in my study and seeking to understand the "meat" of the gospel, I often come across these and sometimes Conference is where I find them).

Saturday morning General Conference:
Monson: temple dedications, excellent example of love for a wife

Definitely very cute. When I joined the church there were 114 temples and now there are 130 in operation. Later this month, we'll be going to Vancouver British Columbia for the open house of the temple there, which maybe I just missed it, but I didn't hear President Monson mention the Vancouver temple?

Packer: men are a special population, correlation emphasizes priesthood to help men be involved in their families. The church aims always, in everything, to support and help the home. As families are the way that HF brings to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. So shall it be. evidence for social justice efforts--especially family policy.

I've recently learned that the correllation efforts of the church came about in the early 1900's when it became evident that although women were being joining the church and remaining faithful that very few men were and those in the church often did not remain very active, hence the effort to call men to "their duties" as priesthood holders. I've learned that some people believe the entire correlation effort is to encourage and given men a more concrete reason to remain active in the church.

Elder Packer also strongly emphasized the church's efforts to support and aid the family, and its commitment to not get in the way or usurp families influence on their children. This led me to 1) want to pull the quote directly out of his talk and 2) use that quote as an example of what I believe the role of government is regarding families.

I have been involved for years now in community building/family strengthening efforts, and I feel Elder Packer's talk is giving some excellent evidence and ideas for how those efforts can be successful, and some of the ways in which those efforts can be framed. I'm looking forward to reading this talk again and further pondering it.

Beck: Eliza Snow: women fit companions of Gods, women as nurturers, can secure blessings and exercises duties in Preach my Gospel. seems to finally be treating women as people first, women second. strong evidence for women involved in social justice efforts.

The quote from Eliza R. Snow got me very excited. A friend found it in its entirety and it states: "We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the gods and holy ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves. And whether few or many come forward and help prosecute this great work they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the kingdom of God.
Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due What matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility on us and there is not a wish or desire that the lord hasn’t planted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized. And the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling and qualify for those responsibilities."

The remainder of the talk I felt was better than previous talks I've heard Sister Beck give (I've previously felt that she has talked down to women, and treated them as less than people). This talk by using the counsel from Preach My Gospel applied gospel teachings for all regardless of gender specifically to women and I felt that she was using more gender inclusive, neutral language that helped me feel like she recognizes that the women of the church are not just female but they are also people too.

As I've been recently involved in many social justice type efforts, I've been listening closely to quotes that would either support or disuade me from focusing my time and energy on them. I felt as I listened to this talk that there were ideas in there that support my efforts. Obviously, I find that comforting and encouraging. All along I've been using the scripture "anxiously engaged in a good cause" as my motto.

Seventy: insight into why Jesus is appointed to be prayed "in the name of Jesus Christ." we go through him as the Father has commanded. All things through Jesus. also illustrated in the temple.

One of the questions on my gospel questions list is why the LDS use the phrase "in the name of Jesus Christ" at the end of prayers. The member of the Quorum of the Seventy who spoke at this point in the session (I know I can look up his name later--hey I'm realistic in balancing my desire to take notes, listen and mother my children!) gave me an insight into why this is done. I'll have to refer back to this talk later to more fully understand, but its something along the lines that Jesus is the God the Father's spokesman when communicating to people. It was the case in the Old Testament, as well as in the Doctrine and Covenants and that pattern is demonstrated in the temple as well. This is helping me understand another question I've had which is how can I have a personal relationship to Jesus that equals the intense loving relationship I have with Father in Heaven? Because Jesus hears each prayer, and is the means for communicating through the Spirit to me.

Seventy: recognized the struggles of depression. Does anyone have a problem with the plan of salvation? Me, yes, its is a long time until we see those that we love. prompt: write about mental illness in Dialouge?

He spoke on everyday discouragement and the need to turn to the Spirit for comfort and guidance. He was sensitive to those who have experienced depression and mental illness hinting that those struggles are something else entirely when it comes to finding peace and comfort. This I greatly appreciated having the experience I've had with mental illness, for myself, for those whom I love and for others that I know.

At one point he asked the question, in telling a story about a family saying goodbye to a loved one who was about to die, "Does anyone have a problem with the plan of salvation?" In his story, all the members of the family were comforted and felt blessed by their knowledge of the plan of salvation, knowing they would see their loved one again. I do find a great deal of comfort in that, but given all of my experiences losing loved ones (brother, father, grandfather, great-grandmother, two grandmothers, aunt), my problem with the plan of salvation is; even though a span of years is the blink of an eye for God; I have to wait for the rest of my life to see them again. I have missed them so keenly and felt a desire to join them that 60-70 years seems a very long time indeed to me. My children give me much joy and our my consolation for having to wait that long.

Ballard: speaking to women request "for equal time" mothers love more than anyone else in the world daughters: be kind, patient to mothers imperfections, respect and love her "mothers are first line of defense" When are mothers going to be counseled to teach boys to be nurturers? refer to last April's Priesthood session talk from Ballard to fathers and sons-how similar is the message?

Elder Ballard prefaced his talk by stating that his granddaughters request that he speak to the women of the church calling it "equal time." This appears to be in response to a talk that he gave either last Conference (Oct 09) or last April's conference. Since he referenced it, I will go back and look at it. By the end of his talk, I was asking myself how similar was the council given to women/daughters as he gave to sons and fathers. My recent learning about feminism and those who care deeply about gender roles in the church have got me asking these questions. I'm trying to figure out for myself where the balance is between gospel principles that apply universally to whatever you may be, and principles that are gender specific.

I also found his council to daughters to be helpful, as one of my gospel questions continues to be what is my role as daughter to my mother who is not a member of the church and with whom I would like to share the gospel?

In my own role as mother of a son, I often emphasize in my teachings his role as a nurturer, and I do not recall an instance in General Conference where mothers are counseled to teach their sons to nurture, care for, be kind and loving (D&C 121:41)

Eyering: speaking to youth and children

I basically spent this whole talk trying to get Willem to listen since Pres. Eyering said he was speaking directly to the youth and children. It didn't work so well, he was getting ready for the session to be over since he'd been so reverent through the previous talks.

Sat afternoon session:
L Tom Perry: parents teach children at home, supplement school education, teach gospel, prayer, scripture study, family meals, family home evening, sing

This talk most definitely covered one of my areas that I was listening carefully for. The counsel was pretty standard: family prayer, scripture study, family home evenings. But he also mentioned family meals, which is one positive family process that had made media attention in recent years. Eating together as a family as tremendous effects on child's behavior, family cohesiveness, etc. So it was nice to hear it mentioned.

The highlight of the talk for me was hearing Elder Perry describe how his mother supplemented his education growing up through teaching her children outside of school, and expanding on the school work he was doing. This is something that my husband and I have discussed because we recognize some of the weaknesses of public education. Because we also hold strongly to some of the advantages of public education (as I attended a small private school, I know what its like to not have access to extracurricular activities, science labs, athletics, music programs, etc.) In trying to anticipate a balance between homeschooling activities and our children attending public schools. One of the things we have discussed previously and we brought up today was wanting to pull our children out of school during certain units to travel to the places that they are learning about and not really caring that they are missing school because we would know that we were supplementing their educations with more experiential, rich learning opportunities.

Christofferson
Tyndale translation of Bible in English, in his day people were ignorant of the scriptures because of lack of access now they are ignorant because of lack of effort. social justice efforts need to maintain connection to keeping commandments, cannot disregard moral actions. morality is needed to sustain institutions and in consequence society

This is certainly a talk I'll want to go back to again and possibly again, mainly because he specifically said the phrase "social justice." I haven't accessed the whole quote yet, but I tried to get the gist of it in my notes. I'm sure that quote will be one that I refer to over and over again as I continue with my social justice-esque efforts.

I also very much enjoyed the Reformation history and origins of the English language Bible. As a descendant of a Calvinist follower (when Calvin was alive) I have a great deal of respect and appreciation for the brave and faithful people who worked at risk to themselves during the Apostasy. Christofferson's epithet to those who neglect the scriptures is up there on the list of cleverly-worded veiled insulted.

Seventy: strengthen and assist members of the church in being faithful, help others

This is one aspect of life as a member of the LDS Church that I try to be sensitive to and I'm grateful to those who have assisted me in my life's struggles. I try to remember the need for me to provide service to those in my ward because even though we may be tremendously blessed, we also are frequently in need of help. Life is hard for all of us, to varying degrees based on our different needs and strengths.

This is also one aspect of the LDS Church that I like to criticize too. There is a tendency in the church to be so insulated from the community outside the church that members do not have friends who are not LDS, or are so busy living their faithful lives as good latter-day saints that they do not get involved in the issues facing their community and think that their token fast offerings that go to Humanitarian work is enough to be "caring for the poor and needy" outside the church. To me it is so very important to always remember that "helping others" needs to be outside the Church as often as in.

Seventy: keep commandments with exactness, do not add heathen/Satan practices into worship

In this talk the Seventy references Jeroboam in the Old Testament, a prophet who upon becoming leader in a city aided the people in turning away from the commandments and turning to what the Seventy called "Satanic" and "heathen" practices. I'm pondering on what that can mean, especially as in my "quest for truth and meaning" I am again learning about and studying pagan ideas of nature appreciation. As I continue to develop my spirituality and add traditions where I honor and recognize the earth and its cycles, I am careful to know where keeping the commandments that I've covenanted to keep and where heathen practices begins. Its another post to describe how pagan does not equal heathen or Satanic and one that is probably necessary for many people.

I also ask myself "Am I keeping the commandments with exactness?" I think so. And thus I commence on the hated "going down the Mormon checklist." My first thought was do I keep the law of chastity with exactness? Yes. What would constitute a Satanic religious practice in relation to this commandment? I'll say ritual sex. I definitely am not doing any of that! That is obviously an exaggeration of what I'm thinking, but more realistically: Do I pray only to my Father in Heaven? See my recent posts regarding Heavenly Mother. President Hinckley specifically said that it is not appropriate to pray to Mother in Heaven. I have not done that, but I do feel its appropriate to talk to loved ones (talk, not pray) who have passed away and in that sense, I have pondered the appropriateness of talking to Mother in Heaven. I have not yet made that decision, and really, so awkward to try to start a conversation with someone who knows you intimately but you are not familiar with... I did it with a member of my ward who I have admired for a while. However, when it comes to Mother in Heaven, I want to study it out some more before I decide to do that.

Bednar: heed warnings, when warning are given, watch carefully. Word of Wisdom warning of exploitative practices in the last days, infants respond to the spirit of the book of Mormon, make gospel discussions normal in everyday conversation

This talk as full of instruction regarding my role as mother and parent and in my experience, by following the counsel to make gospel discussion part of everyday conversation, my marriage is strengthened as well as I discuss and testify with my husband.

I was especially impressed by Elder Bednar saying that even infants can respond to the spirit of the Book of Mormon. I saw Willem as an infant respond to hymns in a spiritual way, but I would really like to see and know that an infant of mine has responded to the Book of Mormon in the way that it is described in the book "as if by a familiar spirit."

Elder Bednar also mentioned the phrase "evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days" from the Word of Wisdom and as I learn more about the food industry and agribusiness and their unethical, unsustainable and unhealthful business practices the more I wish that the Church would decry it from the pulpits of General Conference. Its unlikely that will ever be done, but it was hinted at today by Elder Bednar and that was exciting enough to be noteworthy for me.

Holland: lusts pervasiveness--the root of the tree of baseness in media, personal actions to solve the problem. mentions concerted organized effort to address the problem

I always love a little righteous indignation over the General Conference pulpit and Elder Holland is becoming known for it over the last few conferences. I loved the analogy he drew for the filth of the media and how we can, in our personal lives can attack the root of the tree by not letting it into our homes, paying for it, etc. His comments minimized the effects that an organized effort would have on changing the media and instead focused on what we can do as individuals and families, but he did not condemn any organized efforts to stop it. In recent conversations with other church members about issues that we could tackle as a group and organization, we have tried to find issues that have been discussed in church meetings that we could try to take on and would be obviously in line with current teachings of the church. This talk suggested to me that this might be one activism activity that we could develop.

Tomorrow I'll try to do the same thing I have done for today. I've enjoyed it. I also always enjoy when I can prevent any more paper from laying around my house. Electronic writing is my friend. :-)

Connecting with the Sacred Feminine

2010-01-18T00:45:00.000-08:00

The world of feminist Mormons has been provoking me lately. At The Exponent there has been some recent discussion/critiques of mainstream LDS theology and practice over the lack of information regarding Heavenly Mother.

The two most explicit references to Heavenly Mother are found is The Family: A Proclamation to the World and the hymn Oh My Father.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents,

In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.

When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.

Beyond that I haven't seen or read much on the topic of Heavenly Mother. She has been a topic of conversation frequently but all of it must remain speculation without more authoritative information.

I enjoy the speculation so I posted a response to this blog entry which speculates on why Latter-day Saints are not "allowed" to pray to Heavenly Mother. The comments are thought provoking and interesting.

Here is my response:

The speculation that my husband and I favor is that yes, each of us has a Heavenly Mother, but we all don’t have the same one. If polygamy is an eternal law, and one is trying to maximize reproduction of even spirit children, it stands to reason that Heavenly Father has multiple wives to whom he is sealed.
Also, on the ability to connect with our specific Heavenly Mother whether she is one of many or just one, I found comfort in a quote from Joseph Smith (of course, I can’t find the specific quote at this time) where he described it being okay to talk to beings who are not on this earth (living or dead).
After the death of a number of people close to me, I found myself turning in my prayers from a prayer to Heavenly Father, to a conversation with a loved one. I never knew if it was “right” or not, but its what I felt impressed to do. I got confirmation of that after reading the quote I’m referencing. It was okay to talk to the dead, knowing that they can listen and know what our hearts and spirits want them to know. If it can work for deceased loved ones and friends, why wouldn’t it work to talk to our Mother in Heaven?
Its not a prayer because prayer requires worship. When I talk to my father who is deceased, I’m not worshiping him but talking to him as if he were still here. My worship still squarely focuses on the God who I’m commanded and covenanted to worship.

The question that still remains for me is the appropriateness of worshipping a being other than my Father in Heaven (see my post on his perfect mothering attributes here). I will also try to unearth that quote. I think it might be recorded in my journal but journals don't have nifty search features (hence why I switched to a blog).

I had similar thoughts about my connection with Jesus. I have such a strong belief and connection to God the Father because I talk to him all the time. I feel like I know him through my prayers and the answers from the Spirit I have gotten in response to those prayers, and from priesthood blessings. Jesus, on the other hand, I do not pray to but he is my brother and my Savior. He knows me in such a perfect way because of the atonement. He knows all of my suffering and sorrow. Heavenly Father knows me perfectly but Jesus knows me too. I want to feel that I know him like I know Heavenly Father as well and by extension how I would also like to know my Mother in Heaven.

New Scriptures to Memorize

2010-01-15T01:19:00.000-08:00

I succeeded in memorizing the Desiderata and now I'm moving on.

Next, I will work on Mosiah 4:14-15

14 And ye will not suffer your children that they go hungry, or naked; neither will ye suffer that they transgress the laws of God, and fight and quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin, or who is the devil spirit which hath been spoken of by our fathers, he being an enemy to all righteousness.
15 But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.

This is what I want for my children and as a mother, I especially need this guidance because I was an only child so I have no frame of reference for teaching children to be siblings because I never was one. And also it gives some of the most specific guidance to parents in the scriptures and since I also have no frame of reference for parents teaching young children gospel truths, I rely heavily on the scriptures to teach me what I should do as a LDS parent.

Which leads me to the next scripture, I want to memorize: 2 Nephi 32:2

3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

I toyed with the idea of memorizing The Family: A Proclamation to the World, but like as an Institute and BYU student, I chickened out. Perhaps memorizing the most personally salient paragraphs to me would be a good starting point. Those paragraphs would be:

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

The Desiderata

2009-11-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

I was raised by parents who grew up in California in the 1960's, and a parent who attended Berkeley at the height of the hippy movement in 1968, so its no surprise that the Desiderata was displayed on the wall in our home. Growing up, I was impressed by the simple wisdom of its words, and how the truth contained in that document could guide my family for good. Later when my father passed away, my mother and I felt it was very fitting to print the text on the back of his memorial service program. It is my new project to memorize it in its entirety. I'm doing pretty well so far.

This means of course that I was successful in memorizing Doctrine and Covenants 121:42-45. I feel that these two spiritual thoughts are connected, in this way:

Both offer guidance for interacting with others in many life situations: parenting, marriage, peers, business associates, advocacy efforts. It is these situations that I encounter most frequently, and where I feel that I need to improve. There is much I want to accomplish and it almost always requires cooperating with others to accomplish that goal. I need this direction most, I believe, in my parenting as I strive to treat my children with love and kindness and teach them the lessons that are important in life.

Of course, as I lament frequently, getting advice and direction on what to do in any given situation is easier than finding the "how-to." The How to is so often situation specific, nuanced and subtle that the how to much be felt out and be personal to the one figuring it out. I pray frequently to have the insights to do just that.

Honor thy father and thy mother

2009-10-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

Exodus 20:12
"12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

So would the converse of that be:

If you don't honor your father and mother, your days won't be long upon the land??

Is this a case for filicide?

Happy Re-birthday to Me!

2009-10-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

For our Family Home Evening tonight, I decided we would celebrate as a family my baptism 8 years ago tomorrow. It was the first time that I told Willem about my conversion story (in very simplified language). My message was basically: "I know Heavenly Father in my father in heaven, and that he loves me. For a long time, I didn't know that. And there was a time I was really sad and Heavenly Father helped me feel better and because of that I decided to live his commandments and do what he told me was right. So I got baptized. Do you know what baptism is? Its when I went all the way under the water when a man said "I baptize you...." and when I came out I was clean and was given a new life to live. Its how I promised Heavenly Father that I would do what he wants me to do. When you are eight years old, you can get baptized too if you want to and you can promise the same thing to Heavenly Father. "

Willem's response, well interruptions:

"Heavenly Father is you dad? I know Heavenly Father is my dad too."

"I know Heavenly Father loves me too!"

"When I was baptized, I was washed-ed!"

When we asked him how old he would be when he gets baptized he said "Eight!"

Even a two year old can testify of the truthfulness of certain aspects of the gospel. I am amazed and joyful to see him beginning to understand some of those basic and profound truths.