Lesson Learned

My children are not my own.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that he was a parent before you were parents and that he has not relinquished his parental rights or interest in these little ones."

"Though in mortality we may bear children with our bodies, and tend their bodies and spirits, the reality is that they are not our eternal increase--they are the Lord’s eternal increase." (Cassler-Square 2 article)

Duly noted.

And yet, through the new and everlasting covenant of marriage, I receive the promise of having "eternal increase" i.e "a continuation of the seeds forever and ever." (D&C 132:19) which is the promise that through becoming gods (vs 20), our children then become our own, not on loan to us through our Heavenly Parents but our own spiritual creation.

How sobering to learn that the children that have come forth from my body are more like my siblings--that's where that feeling as been coming from! Its not just because I'm an only child and never before had known what it was like for a young child to persistently need to interact and be near me. It will not be until I am a perfect being, a god, that my children will really be my own and it won't be the children who were born to me in this place. My Willem, my Belle will take their place next to me as equals as creators of their own worlds.

I may not really ever feel like my spiritually begotten children are entirely my own because like our heavenly parents have done with us and our earthly children, we would then give custody over to other parents who in reality are also our children.

Circle within circles. No human is ever really belonging to another person. Slavery, then cannot rightfully exist.

How then, if I reflect, do I feel like I really belong to my heavenly parents? Am I really theirs? Do they feel that I am really theirs since according to the pattern, they have granted my earthly parents the opportunity to tend to my development?

Does that lead me to feel that in a way, I am more equal and capable because I'm not eternally being viewed as a child, belonging to someone else? The mores of human and spiritual connection our there anchoring me to comfort and familiarity, but I stand independently as a spiritual entity, created and nurtured and buoyed up on many sides of existence as a spirit. Like my earthly children become equals to me, I become equal with God . They become equal with God.

We are all equals.

Feminist Views on God

I recently got into reading feminist theories on mothering after finding a reference to a book entitled "Mothering: Essays on Feminist Theory" in the BYU textbook "Strengthening Our Families." Interesting to find the two connected, isn't it? After I placed the request for the feminist theory book, I saw what other things came up on the search for it and I discovered The Journal for the Association for Research on Mothering. I requested a couple of the issues one on the process of becoming a mother: socially, physically, emotionally and politically, the other spirituality and mothering; both topics interesting to me.

One of the articles discussed the goddess worship and the antiquated views of deity as a patriarchal, controlling male presence. The author, Trudelle Thomas, discussed the history of goddess worship and why it has resurfaced in the last 40 years. She proposes a new paradigm for viewing diety: in the female form as Mother, Guide and Friend to take the place of the Father, Warrior, King.

Of each, she says:

"Whether we imagine God holding us in her lap, braiding our hair, rocking us to sleep, or tenderly feeding us, the effect is to affirm God's personal love and nearness....By affirming our connections with God as Mother, mothers can help children also believe in an intimate, powerful and benevolent God."

"Whether we speak in terms of coach, teacher, doula, or mentor, a guide is a powerful image of God because it connotes caring, helpfulness, and generosity....Like a mother, a guide offers encouragement and support, but she also invites us to grow into more; she "tests and challenges us."

"Think of the ten-year old who is discovering the difference between a buddy and a true friend, the college student who finds her kindred spirit in a new place, the spouse who grows into a trusted friend, the widow who enjoys traveling with dear friends.

Latter-day Saints are not opposed to recognizing that there are divine females (Hymn #292, O My Father). And while viewing God in the feminine appeals to me, I feel its unnecessary. I truly believe that God is my Father and that his fatherly attributes are kind, loving, compassionate and gentle. He is also my friend and guide. Latter-day Saint culture teaches males to be fathers who are not the your typical authoritarian, domineering 1950's father, but to cultivate Christlike attributes that are more culturally seen as feminine: "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, ggentleness, goodness, hfaith, Meekness, temperance (Gal. 5:22-23). Through my prayers and efforts to establish a relationship with my Heavenly Father, I have come to know God as the perfect father--exactly the type of father who would best support and encourage my development as his daughter.

I also recognize and believe that God is all-knowing. In my logic, that means He also knows how to be the perfect mother and it is through that infinite knowledge and understanding that he possesses that I can learn to be a "perfect mother" or in essence, a goddess.

Latter-day Saints believe in the doctrine of eternal progression where we continue to learn and grow throughout eternity until eventually we possess all the knowledge that God possesses and through obtaining all that he has, as joint-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17), we "shall be gods" (D&C 132: 20).

Therefore, in my belief, God, then not only knows how to be a father to me, but He also knows how to mother me, more perfectly than any earthly mother. He is a friend to me, and provides me the Holy Spirit to be my Guide (Hymn #143, "Let the Holy Spirit Guide").

There are so many other scriptures I could cite to tie all these together. It may even be enough to write a book or a chapter of a book, which would be a worthy goal... But for right now, I with let what I have already expressed suffice.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Last month, I was lucky to spend 3 weeks in Hawaii with my best friend from elementary school. She and I have remained friends through a number of hardships that both of us have experienced. Our friendship weathered my conversion to the LDS church, as she became more and more nonreligious.

During our trip together, we discussed some of the theological issues that we have considered. My friend's biggest question and concern about religion and theology was the question, "If God loves us so much, why does he let bad things happen to good people?" I sensed it wasn't the right time to launch into a discussion of the LDS answer to that question, but I offered to share an answer at a later time if she was interested.

After returning from our trip, I ran across a copy of the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" written by Harold S. Kushner, a Jewish Rabbi. He shares his personal theology on why there is suffering in this world and God's responses to it. A summary of his main points follows:

1) God is obligated and required to respect the moral freedom of man to choose. Therefore some people make bad choices which hurt and causes others to suffer. God cannot stop this suffering.

2)In the creation, God made order out of chaos but some chaos remains in this life. Therefore some human suffering happens as a result of chance--mere randomness. Maybe in time, the Spirit of God will bring order out of the chaos. Chaos is not the will of God but an aspect of reality that stands independent of His will.

3) Laws of nature are ordained by God and cause problems that lead to human suffering. Gravity makes people fall and get hurt. God does not cause these problem to happen and does not have the power to stop it.

According to Kushner, basically good people's suffering is not caused by God. It is not punishment for sins in this life (yours or your relatives). It is not to teach people to be better followers of God and it is not a test to see if his followers will be faithful. And ultimately, death is not intended in God's plan to liberate us from the suffering of this life.

Kushner's main point in the midst of his discussion is that no matter the cause of our suffering, it is God who offers us the help we need to deal with our suffering. The author testifies of that help that God gives.

While I agree that Heavenly Father has the power to comfort and help us in times of suffering and grief (and I have been the recipient of that succor many times), my understandings of the doctrines of Latter-day Saint theology does not let me accept his explanations for the causes of human suffering.

Modern-day scripture reveals: "saints to learn obedience by the things they suffer (D&C 105:6)", "saints to reap eternal joy for all their suffering (D&C 109:76)", "know thy son that these things [afflictions] shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good (D&C 122:7)", "all things shall work together for your good (D&C 90:24, 98:3,100:15 and 105:40)", "God shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain (2 Nephi 2:2)", and "many are softened because of their affliction (D&C 62:41). These indicate that God indeed does intend that people will learn and be rewarded for their suffering.

I know that it has been through suffering that I have learned some of the most important lessons in life and I have benefited from them (my conversion story is evidence of that). But when in the midst of affliction and trial, I am not comforted by that knowledge of God's will and often I am very resentful. It comes "after the rain" that I can see the purpose of the suffering and reap the benefits of the lessons learned.

The Latter-day Saint scriptures also substantiate Kushner's claim others claims but those will have to be saved for another blog, another night.

This is a topic that I will continue to study and pray about seeking understanding to Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for suffering in this life. It is such a large topic that a book in response to Kushner's from the LDS perspective could be written, and I will be searching LDS publications to find one that fully discusses the topic, of which I'm sure there are quite a few.