Pondering on death, nature and eternal perspectives

In environmental biology, death is necessary in order to maintain population equilibrium when there is too much of one specie, it throws the whole system off. For example too many eagles in a population could kill off all of the frogs in an area and the area would be overrun with mosquitos and other flying insects because the frogs aren't there to keep their population in check. Death is a primary means of controlling population and maintaining that equilibrium. This then ties into the idea of "survival of the fittest," in order for populations to thrive, the weakest (often the young, old and sickly) need to not stand in the way of the overall population being healthy. If that means picking up and moving 2,000 miles, the weak are not able to make that trek, and they die either before the trip or along the way.

In that way, I do not think that death is a mistake of nature when all of the species of the natural world depend on a finite number of resources. The earth would not be able to provide for everyone and everything if everything lived forever. To maintain an eternal perspective, we must be willing to believe that this world is not all that there is. Is there an ideal place where there are enough resources to maintain life for everyone and everything without depleting those resources? Yes. Is it the earth in its state right now? No.

We do have the promise of a celestialized world where all of those concerns will not exist anymore or perhaps, we'll have been the ones to figure out the sustainable solutions rather that expect Christ to come and save us in our sins (e.g. fixing everything that we have so royally screwed up). So with that, you can find the eternal perspective of looking forward to when the earth is not limited by finite resources and have optimism that someday that ideal will be realized.

When it comes to connecting with nature, ritual and elements, while here on earth, I think it requires a healthy respect for death and an understanding of how all things work together for good. Nature is an intricate dance of interactions between species and systems. It finds a balance and has a way to correct imbalances over time. No mortal human or group of humans could work it out so well. I believe because nature is so finely tuned to work properly and that there are even good reasons for things to work improperly at times. Because of this, I believe that nature is worthy of respect and reverence. After all, without it, we could not exist. The elements are essential to our survival.

If we are to develop beyond where we are now and if we hope to turn our attentions to the things of the next world, we still have to respect and be mindful of the needs of now. I believe that as we make ourselves and our world healthier that we are more capable of learning what life has to offer us. This I believe is the intention behind of the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89).

At the same time, we are in the process of preparing to become gods (D&C 132:20). We are going to have to figure out at some point how to create and maintain worlds so life can perpetuate itself. If we are wise stewards on the earth now, we are like the servants in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25). When we are given something to start with, we are capable of turning in to something more or better than what we started with. Isn't that what is happening with us? And isn't that what we are supposed to do as gods?

I truly fear the the people who believe that it is not useful to sustain and conserve the earth are being like the servant who hides his talent. To me, its not so much a matter of replenishing the earth (because that implies taking it back to a previous state) but it is a matter of making the world better than when we started. And really, this is leading me to a new idea, that replenishing the earth may be a direction to restore the earth to its paradisiacal state in the Garden of Eden. That us humans are expected to figure out how to make that possible. I suspect that its a case "after all you can do, it is by grace you saved"(2 Nephi 25: 23) or in other words the parable of the bicycle. The little girl works and earns money to buy a bicycle but her parents pitch in the rest after she did all he could to earn the money. The Atonement works that way for us (Believing Christ: subheading Give Him All That We Have). After we put forth our best effort, do all we can and get as close as possible to attaining a seemingly (or truly) impossible goal, Christ, our Older Brother, will make up the rest of us and makes our efforts successful in attaining the goal.

In fact, I kind of have a theory that Christ will not come again until we have done as we can do to make the world as healthy and sustaining for everyone as possible. Its not until we do all we can, that he will come again and pick up where we left off.

I realize this is somewhat in contradiction to the general teachings of the Second Coming, but it is how I am finding a way to continue caring about this life. The ethical, right, good, praiseworthy choice seems to be working to make the world a better place through comforting those who stand in need of comfort and mourning with those who mourn. Often that can be done by working to prevent the situations where mourning is necessary (as in the case of infant mortality or unemployment). There is much much good that we can do in this world, and it makes no sense to not do it.

Mothering Breakthroughs

I've lately been pondering the challenges of maintaining spirituality as a mother of young children. In my experience, its sort of like a pressure cooker where the effort required is so intense and sustained that there is barely any time for the quiet reflection of prayer and scripture study. At best, a morning prayer is a quick hail mary sent up as I fly out of bed to answer a baby's cry or help a child get to the bathroom. And yet, I've been experiencing what I'm finding to be a spiritual renaissance in my life where prayers are more effective, study is more frequent and I feel a greater excitement for the things of the gospel than I have for a long time. Then of course comes the guilt and fear that I'm not giving my children enough of the focus that they require and my gospel study is becoming a selfish pursuit that interferes with my care for them.

I have found inspiration, comfort and guidance in the words of faithful women recently. In both cases, I have been close to this realization. Its like its been off stage waiting in the wings for me to get to that point. Often for me, this can take weeks, months or years as I encounter experiences and thoughts that bring me to such realizations. Its very nice when I feel led almost right to the brink and then its the words of others who show me the waters to drink from are right in front of me, ready for me to take, read and digest.

First came from a new friend that I am getting to know through midwifery school: She wrote in her post
:

This week has been one of those weeks that I like to call: Foundational. In Proverbs 14:1 the Bible says, "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Well, I have an imagination and I like to think about my "daily grind" as a building project. Some days I may be watching kids play pleasantly and giving some positive affirmation here and there. These are painting days (because I like painting). Some times, my days are consumed with breaking up fights, scolding and correcting. This is like putting up walls to me! Anyway, you get my point.

And second, a blog post that my friend passed along with me in mind, where the author reminds me of the opportunities for daily and constant devotionals that can turn my attention to my God and love for my children.

I have found myself trying to survive spiritualy as a mother the way in which she describes and I've just recently begun to realize the times throughout a day that I can connect with the spirit.

We spend the first decade of motherhood waiting for a moment of quiet. When the children are older, then I can pray. Once the house is clean and organized, then I can find peace. When we reach the other side of this trying time, only then can I be the wife and mother I truly wish to be.

Always missing the opportunity to engage the present moment, living for an imaginary one.

The treasure hunt within the present moment. Where is it? Where is the grace hidden in this moment in time? God is here. Where is He in this very moment?

My meal time prayers become more meaningful, as well as my time driving in the car. While children sleep in their carseats during car rides, I have quiet, time to pray, reflect and ponder. And I find the Spirit in those moments.

The author of the post says its the first decade of mothering. I will count myself lucky that I was exposed to this idea and was able to grasp it after only 4 years. Not that its a race, but the sooner the better it is to learn lessons such as this.

May I remember that laundry can be a time to reflect and pray for my family members, that each article of clothing is a tangible extension of my love and concern for them.

Connecting with the Sacred Feminine

The world of feminist Mormons has been provoking me lately. At The Exponent there has been some recent discussion/critiques of mainstream LDS theology and practice over the lack of information regarding Heavenly Mother.

The two most explicit references to Heavenly Mother are found is The Family: A Proclamation to the World and the hymn Oh My Father.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents,

In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.

When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.

Beyond that I haven't seen or read much on the topic of Heavenly Mother. She has been a topic of conversation frequently but all of it must remain speculation without more authoritative information.

I enjoy the speculation so I posted a response to this blog entry which speculates on why Latter-day Saints are not "allowed" to pray to Heavenly Mother. The comments are thought provoking and interesting.

Here is my response:

The speculation that my husband and I favor is that yes, each of us has a Heavenly Mother, but we all don’t have the same one. If polygamy is an eternal law, and one is trying to maximize reproduction of even spirit children, it stands to reason that Heavenly Father has multiple wives to whom he is sealed.
Also, on the ability to connect with our specific Heavenly Mother whether she is one of many or just one, I found comfort in a quote from Joseph Smith (of course, I can’t find the specific quote at this time) where he described it being okay to talk to beings who are not on this earth (living or dead).
After the death of a number of people close to me, I found myself turning in my prayers from a prayer to Heavenly Father, to a conversation with a loved one. I never knew if it was “right” or not, but its what I felt impressed to do. I got confirmation of that after reading the quote I’m referencing. It was okay to talk to the dead, knowing that they can listen and know what our hearts and spirits want them to know. If it can work for deceased loved ones and friends, why wouldn’t it work to talk to our Mother in Heaven?
Its not a prayer because prayer requires worship. When I talk to my father who is deceased, I’m not worshiping him but talking to him as if he were still here. My worship still squarely focuses on the God who I’m commanded and covenanted to worship.

The question that still remains for me is the appropriateness of worshipping a being other than my Father in Heaven (see my post on his perfect mothering attributes here). I will also try to unearth that quote. I think it might be recorded in my journal but journals don't have nifty search features (hence why I switched to a blog).

I had similar thoughts about my connection with Jesus. I have such a strong belief and connection to God the Father because I talk to him all the time. I feel like I know him through my prayers and the answers from the Spirit I have gotten in response to those prayers, and from priesthood blessings. Jesus, on the other hand, I do not pray to but he is my brother and my Savior. He knows me in such a perfect way because of the atonement. He knows all of my suffering and sorrow. Heavenly Father knows me perfectly but Jesus knows me too. I want to feel that I know him like I know Heavenly Father as well and by extension how I would also like to know my Mother in Heaven.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Last month, I was lucky to spend 3 weeks in Hawaii with my best friend from elementary school. She and I have remained friends through a number of hardships that both of us have experienced. Our friendship weathered my conversion to the LDS church, as she became more and more nonreligious.

During our trip together, we discussed some of the theological issues that we have considered. My friend's biggest question and concern about religion and theology was the question, "If God loves us so much, why does he let bad things happen to good people?" I sensed it wasn't the right time to launch into a discussion of the LDS answer to that question, but I offered to share an answer at a later time if she was interested.

After returning from our trip, I ran across a copy of the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" written by Harold S. Kushner, a Jewish Rabbi. He shares his personal theology on why there is suffering in this world and God's responses to it. A summary of his main points follows:

1) God is obligated and required to respect the moral freedom of man to choose. Therefore some people make bad choices which hurt and causes others to suffer. God cannot stop this suffering.

2)In the creation, God made order out of chaos but some chaos remains in this life. Therefore some human suffering happens as a result of chance--mere randomness. Maybe in time, the Spirit of God will bring order out of the chaos. Chaos is not the will of God but an aspect of reality that stands independent of His will.

3) Laws of nature are ordained by God and cause problems that lead to human suffering. Gravity makes people fall and get hurt. God does not cause these problem to happen and does not have the power to stop it.

According to Kushner, basically good people's suffering is not caused by God. It is not punishment for sins in this life (yours or your relatives). It is not to teach people to be better followers of God and it is not a test to see if his followers will be faithful. And ultimately, death is not intended in God's plan to liberate us from the suffering of this life.

Kushner's main point in the midst of his discussion is that no matter the cause of our suffering, it is God who offers us the help we need to deal with our suffering. The author testifies of that help that God gives.

While I agree that Heavenly Father has the power to comfort and help us in times of suffering and grief (and I have been the recipient of that succor many times), my understandings of the doctrines of Latter-day Saint theology does not let me accept his explanations for the causes of human suffering.

Modern-day scripture reveals: "saints to learn obedience by the things they suffer (D&C 105:6)", "saints to reap eternal joy for all their suffering (D&C 109:76)", "know thy son that these things [afflictions] shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good (D&C 122:7)", "all things shall work together for your good (D&C 90:24, 98:3,100:15 and 105:40)", "God shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain (2 Nephi 2:2)", and "many are softened because of their affliction (D&C 62:41). These indicate that God indeed does intend that people will learn and be rewarded for their suffering.

I know that it has been through suffering that I have learned some of the most important lessons in life and I have benefited from them (my conversion story is evidence of that). But when in the midst of affliction and trial, I am not comforted by that knowledge of God's will and often I am very resentful. It comes "after the rain" that I can see the purpose of the suffering and reap the benefits of the lessons learned.

The Latter-day Saint scriptures also substantiate Kushner's claim others claims but those will have to be saved for another blog, another night.

This is a topic that I will continue to study and pray about seeking understanding to Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for suffering in this life. It is such a large topic that a book in response to Kushner's from the LDS perspective could be written, and I will be searching LDS publications to find one that fully discusses the topic, of which I'm sure there are quite a few.

Top 10 Favorite LDS Hymns

These do not necessarily appear in the order that I like them most. Even picking 10 of the over 300 hymsn in the LDS hymn book is hard for me to do, but I've selected 10 of my favorites and shared them here.

1. I Know that My Redeemer Lives (Hymn 136)

I frequently sing this song as a lullaby to my baby. Its refrain, as a result, is constantly in my mind and I hear the lyrics of "He lives to wipe away my tears, he lives to calm my troubled heart" and I'm given comfort that it was my Savior who did just that for me when I was converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And now, as a mother, I am given the strength and faith to do just that for my child, while I also teach the other precious truths in this hymn.

2. How Great Thou Art (Hymn 86)

One of the parts of my testimony that is most sacred to me is my appreciation for God's creation and the earth I live on. This hymn captures my gratitude and love for my life, and my God who gave me life. I frequently sing this when I am struck by the beauty for the earth around me, while all the while feeling the pang oh homesickness knowing that this earth, however beautiful it is, is still subject to death, disease and destruction. This hymn presents this dicotomy of appreciate for the wonder of life with the hope of eternal life and the joy of being back in the presence of God.

3. For the Beauty of the Earth (Hymn 92)

This hymn was a welcome sight to me when I first sang it after my baptism. I was raised in the Unitarian Universalist religion and this hymn is also found in their hymnal. I was glad to recognize it as it was my favorite hymn from that hymn book. It like How Great Thou Art describes the wonder and appreciation for the earth on which we live, as well as underscores the importance of human and family relationships. It was for these reasons that I fondly remember singing this hymn at my grandmother's funeral at the Unitarian church she attended 4 years after my baptism into the LDS church.

4. I Need Thee Every Hour (Hymn 98)

In the six years since I became a member of the LDS Church, I have sang out (as well as inwardly) the lyrics to this hymn a number of times when I'm in need of the comfort of the Spirit of God. It remains a favorite of mine for that reason.

5. Be Still My Soul (Hymn 124)

This is another hymn that I sing when I'm in need of comfort and a reminder of the purpose of trials in life. But its not just the words of this song that make it a favorite, but its also the characteristics of the melody. To me, it is haunting with sweet cresendos of hope and light. When I sing it, I think of sunlight breaking through the dark clouds in my spirit.

6. In Our Lovely Deseret (Hymn 307)

Within the first year after my baptism, I heard this hymn sung for the first time at an Institute class. The melody is upbeat and happy. As a preschool teacher, it appeals to me because of the description of young children in the lyrics. When I hear it, I think of primary aged children all around and it makes me smile at the joy of the sight. But what got me about this hymn was the second verse, "That the children may live long and be beautiful and strong, tea and cofee and tabacoo they despise, Drink no liquor and the eat but a very little meat. They are seeking to be great and good and wise." I could not help myself but laugh at these lyrics. I was surprised (and impressed) to see such a clever rhyme about the Word of Wisdom. I still laugh when I sing it.

7. Lead, Kindly Light (Hymn 97)

As a convert to the LDS Church, I identify with the lyrics of this hymn because I know from experience the change from walking through life merely on my own direction as opposed to walking with the guidance and direction of God. I knew the darkness and gloom, and the sense of being far from home without a refuge in the world. And thn I learned where to find the light I was searching for and found the hope and peace of the gospel. I also love the description of faith in this hymn, "Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distance scene- one step enough for me." I've learned to walk in faith and face the unknown to find that my way is lit before me after I take the step into the darkness. I can have faith when encountering the bumps of life- the not knowing how or where or what to go and do next.

8. If You Could Hie to Kolob (Hymn 284)

Apart from the beautiful melody that this song has, I love it for the speculation into the creation of the earth, its part in the universe, the immensity of space and existence, as well as the infinity of eternity. These are the aspects of the gospel that make my mind hurt if I think about them too long, but they are what I yearn to understand when I am capable of it. It is this that drives my interest in astronomy and wanting to understand as much as I can about life and God while I'm alive. The hymn reminds me again of my desire to in some ways be done with this life so I can be with God again and get all the answers to my questions that cannot be answered by man on earth and which have not and will not be revealed.

9. Oh My Father (Hymn 292)

A theme is emerging through this list of my favorite hymns, and that is the desire of my heart to return to live with God after this life is over. I truly do want "to regain thy presence and again behold they face." I must remember however that I will not be able to do so until I've "completed all you sent me forth to do" so that "with your mutual approbation, Let me come and dwell with you." I also love this hymn because it mentions the LDS belief of Heavenly Mother by stating, "In the heav'ns are parents single? No the thought makes reason stare. Truth is reason, truth eternal tells me I've a mother there." That's another burning question (or series of) that I desire to learn more about.

10.There is Sunshine in My Soul Today (Hymn 227)

As I stated previously, I felt that my conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ rescued me from figurative darkness and gloom. So while Lead, Kindly Light may be a reminder of that, the hymn There is Sunshine in My Soul Today is my feelings of coming out on the other side of that change in my life. When I sing this song it is with joy in finding the gospel and gratitude for the happy, joyfilled moments of living of the gospel. Whenever I sing it, however, I make one slight change in the words. The refrain ends, "When Jesus shows his smiling face, there is sunshine in the soul," but I sing it "there in sunshine in MY soul."