A statue covered in a black veil was erected on the presumed tomb of Isis, close to Memphis. On the statue’s pedestal was engraved the following inscription: “I am everything that was, [QUID FUIT], everything that is [QUID EST], that will be [QUID ERIT] and no mortal has yet dared to lift my veil. ” Beneath this veil are hidden all the mysteries and the knowledge of the past… Pulling back Isis’ veil represents the revelation of the light, and to succeed in doing so is to become immortal. http://www.hermeticum.info/symbols.htmlEvidently one of the most famous instances of a veil being worn in religious mysticism is the Egyptian goddess Isis being veiled. Not only do I find that interesting because I have chosen Isis as my matron goddess, but because of the connection between Mormonism and Egyptian culture (language in the Book of Mormon, papyrus). It seems possible that Joseph Smith might have been awareness of this symbolism and incorporated it into the temple clothing.
Showing posts with label temple work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label temple work. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Veil symbology
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Eve's transgression
A couple of days ago, I was having a phone conversation with Heather (TopHat in internet circles) and we were talking about Eve's transgression in the Garden of Eve. I kind of went off-topic and ended up thinking and speaking out loud about why Eve then is commanded to be obedient her husband's counsel (which then is still expected of women today). I know that some women in the church struggle with that expectation. Their question is along the lines of: If men and women are supposedly equal partners in marriage (see The Family: A Proclamation to the World), why does a woman need to be subordinate to her husband?
In our conversation with each other, we discussed how the fact that EVE ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is actually celebrated in our church. She made a wise and courageous decision to experience mortality and to know good from evil. As Sheri L. Dew said, "In addition to bearing children, she mothered all of mankind when she made the most courageous decision any woman has ever made and with Adam opened the way for us to progress."
But there has always been something that bothers me about her decision. She obviously saw the virtue of experiencing mortality and saw that the knowledge gained from it was necessary for her and Adam to progress and that becoming like God was a good thing and not a prideful motivation like Satan implied. But, she made a decision that forced Adam to choose a certain path and she did not consult with him first.
I am sensitive to this sort of injustice. I don't appreciate people speaking for me, or compelling me to make choices that I otherwise might not have chosen for myself. I most certainly would not appreciate it if it was my husband who forced me into that situation.
And, that, is what I think Eve did to Adam. Though she made a good decision, and perhaps the right decision, she did not consult with Adam, come to an agreement and act together in unity.
I feel badly for Adam to be in a place where he was stuck between obeying commandments: staying with his wife and fulfilling the command to multiply and replenish the earth or to not partake of the fruit of that tree. It was Eve that put him in that situation by hastily rushing forward and partaking of the fruit without consulting with Adam and taking into account the implications.
What if Adam had said, "I'm not going to partake of that fruit and I'm going to stay here while you are banished from the garden and we will both be alone?" What if he had gotten mad at her for limiting his choices instead of seeing the situation with the clarity of knowing that he needed to stay by his wife? Her choice and his compulsion to choose along with her had long lasting effects on him. He learned what suffering was as a result of her choice, and while he did freely choose it, it should have been a decision they made together.
I wonder if its for this reason Eve and in extension her daughters have the obligation to counsel with their husbands and to listen to their counsel. This begs the question however, if "men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression (Second Article of Faith), then are women being punished for Eve's transgression by being compelled to a subordinate status under their husbands?
I would also add its likely that women who are disturbed by the hearken counsel would comforted if men were also counseled to hearken to their wives and both husband and wife communicated with God with equal footing where both go through their spouse when making decisions, instead of one going through the other and it not being reciprocated.
In our conversation with each other, we discussed how the fact that EVE ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is actually celebrated in our church. She made a wise and courageous decision to experience mortality and to know good from evil. As Sheri L. Dew said, "In addition to bearing children, she mothered all of mankind when she made the most courageous decision any woman has ever made and with Adam opened the way for us to progress."
But there has always been something that bothers me about her decision. She obviously saw the virtue of experiencing mortality and saw that the knowledge gained from it was necessary for her and Adam to progress and that becoming like God was a good thing and not a prideful motivation like Satan implied. But, she made a decision that forced Adam to choose a certain path and she did not consult with him first.
I am sensitive to this sort of injustice. I don't appreciate people speaking for me, or compelling me to make choices that I otherwise might not have chosen for myself. I most certainly would not appreciate it if it was my husband who forced me into that situation.
And, that, is what I think Eve did to Adam. Though she made a good decision, and perhaps the right decision, she did not consult with Adam, come to an agreement and act together in unity.
I feel badly for Adam to be in a place where he was stuck between obeying commandments: staying with his wife and fulfilling the command to multiply and replenish the earth or to not partake of the fruit of that tree. It was Eve that put him in that situation by hastily rushing forward and partaking of the fruit without consulting with Adam and taking into account the implications.
What if Adam had said, "I'm not going to partake of that fruit and I'm going to stay here while you are banished from the garden and we will both be alone?" What if he had gotten mad at her for limiting his choices instead of seeing the situation with the clarity of knowing that he needed to stay by his wife? Her choice and his compulsion to choose along with her had long lasting effects on him. He learned what suffering was as a result of her choice, and while he did freely choose it, it should have been a decision they made together.
I wonder if its for this reason Eve and in extension her daughters have the obligation to counsel with their husbands and to listen to their counsel. This begs the question however, if "men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression (Second Article of Faith), then are women being punished for Eve's transgression by being compelled to a subordinate status under their husbands?
I would also add its likely that women who are disturbed by the hearken counsel would comforted if men were also counseled to hearken to their wives and both husband and wife communicated with God with equal footing where both go through their spouse when making decisions, instead of one going through the other and it not being reciprocated.
The D. Michael Quinn Challenge
After finishing reading the book Women and Authority, I created a challenge for myself: go to the temple and listen carefully for wording that I had heard many times before but not with this new awareness of women's history in the church.
One of the chapters from the book that was most affecting for me was D. Michael Quinn's "Mormon Women Have Had the Priesthood Since 1843" where I was impressed by the sources he cited showing clearly that Joseph Smith and other early church leaders believed that women were given the priesthood through the endowment. It was unclear however where in the endowment this could be traced to. One of the clues that I took to heart was that there was a belief that women were anointed and thereby received the priesthood. Anointing only occur in the initiatory ceremony, not in the presentation of the endowment itself.
Thus, my specific challenge. Go to the temple, participate in initiatories and listen carefully to the wording of the anointing as well as the entire recitation. This morning, I had a chance to do that. We had planned to go, do an initiatory and then an endowment session so I could take in the whole thing in the context of this question in my mind. Through an unfortunate series of wrong turns and time constraints however, we only had time for a set of initiatories. That turned out to be for the best because it was only after hearing the ceremony repeated a few times did I clue in on the phrases that were applicable to my question.
The anointing offered no clue so I listened carefully for instances of the word priesthood in connection with women. The only time that appeared together was in the authorizing of the garment as a sacred article of clothing and this is referred to being clothed in the garments of the Holy Priesthood. I prayed to know if this wording (though not understanding specifically what it meant) was the indication that women were granted the priesthood through the temple ceremonies. I cannot deny the Spirit I felt confirming that to be true.
I should also say here that the time prior that I went to the temple and participated in an endowment session, I remember at one point having the distinct impression from the Spirit that because I had progressed through the stages of the endowment that somehow through that process, I possessed the priesthood in some manner. This was even before I read Quinn's chapter on women and the priesthood so before the idea was externally planted that women were given the priesthood through the temple ceremonies.
I don't understand it how it works but I have tried throughout this process to pray and ask specific and clear questions always being willing to accept any answer I was to be given. I don't understand all the implications of this and have many more questions. Was perhaps the wording changed over the last 180 years so more specific phrases referring to priesthood being removed from the women's initiatory? If yes, what did it used to say? And how does it work that women are conferred the priesthood if they are ordained after the order of Melchelizdek?
I was able to learn more about the men's initiatory process from my husband who described the point in time when names needing proxy are ordained to the priesthood and that process is obviously missing from the women's ceremony.
Its obvious that I may not ever understand more beyond the point where I currently am now, but at the same time for years, I said the same thing about where I was then. Who knows what further information or understanding may come to me as I continue this study and seeking? I will continue faithful, relying on prayer and having a much greater appreciation and desire to have the spirit of discernment which will help me to know between truth and error.
There will be many who believe I am in error and I'm scared as to what that might mean for me socially in the church. And yet, if I know if I were to deny the lessons from the Spirit that I have received in the last few months, I would also have to deny the Spirit confirmations that convinced me of the truthfulness of the gospel, that told me that my husband was the right man for me to marry, that told me it was God's will (or he was supportive) of me attending graduate school, or going to BYU, or any of the other many times the Spirit has testified to me of truth.
I do know however that I can't do much with this knowledge. If anything is meant to change in church policy, I must be patient for it and not push for anything or even recognition or corroboration that what I have been told is true. That's okay. That's the way it works on doctrine that hasn't been revealed through the proper channels. People can pray and know and its perfectly fine to believe whatever they are going to believe as long as they don't go out trying to convert people to their understanding. I'm concerned even by publicly saying this on my blog.
One of the chapters from the book that was most affecting for me was D. Michael Quinn's "Mormon Women Have Had the Priesthood Since 1843" where I was impressed by the sources he cited showing clearly that Joseph Smith and other early church leaders believed that women were given the priesthood through the endowment. It was unclear however where in the endowment this could be traced to. One of the clues that I took to heart was that there was a belief that women were anointed and thereby received the priesthood. Anointing only occur in the initiatory ceremony, not in the presentation of the endowment itself.
Thus, my specific challenge. Go to the temple, participate in initiatories and listen carefully to the wording of the anointing as well as the entire recitation. This morning, I had a chance to do that. We had planned to go, do an initiatory and then an endowment session so I could take in the whole thing in the context of this question in my mind. Through an unfortunate series of wrong turns and time constraints however, we only had time for a set of initiatories. That turned out to be for the best because it was only after hearing the ceremony repeated a few times did I clue in on the phrases that were applicable to my question.
The anointing offered no clue so I listened carefully for instances of the word priesthood in connection with women. The only time that appeared together was in the authorizing of the garment as a sacred article of clothing and this is referred to being clothed in the garments of the Holy Priesthood. I prayed to know if this wording (though not understanding specifically what it meant) was the indication that women were granted the priesthood through the temple ceremonies. I cannot deny the Spirit I felt confirming that to be true.
I should also say here that the time prior that I went to the temple and participated in an endowment session, I remember at one point having the distinct impression from the Spirit that because I had progressed through the stages of the endowment that somehow through that process, I possessed the priesthood in some manner. This was even before I read Quinn's chapter on women and the priesthood so before the idea was externally planted that women were given the priesthood through the temple ceremonies.
I don't understand it how it works but I have tried throughout this process to pray and ask specific and clear questions always being willing to accept any answer I was to be given. I don't understand all the implications of this and have many more questions. Was perhaps the wording changed over the last 180 years so more specific phrases referring to priesthood being removed from the women's initiatory? If yes, what did it used to say? And how does it work that women are conferred the priesthood if they are ordained after the order of Melchelizdek?
I was able to learn more about the men's initiatory process from my husband who described the point in time when names needing proxy are ordained to the priesthood and that process is obviously missing from the women's ceremony.
Its obvious that I may not ever understand more beyond the point where I currently am now, but at the same time for years, I said the same thing about where I was then. Who knows what further information or understanding may come to me as I continue this study and seeking? I will continue faithful, relying on prayer and having a much greater appreciation and desire to have the spirit of discernment which will help me to know between truth and error.
There will be many who believe I am in error and I'm scared as to what that might mean for me socially in the church. And yet, if I know if I were to deny the lessons from the Spirit that I have received in the last few months, I would also have to deny the Spirit confirmations that convinced me of the truthfulness of the gospel, that told me that my husband was the right man for me to marry, that told me it was God's will (or he was supportive) of me attending graduate school, or going to BYU, or any of the other many times the Spirit has testified to me of truth.
I do know however that I can't do much with this knowledge. If anything is meant to change in church policy, I must be patient for it and not push for anything or even recognition or corroboration that what I have been told is true. That's okay. That's the way it works on doctrine that hasn't been revealed through the proper channels. People can pray and know and its perfectly fine to believe whatever they are going to believe as long as they don't go out trying to convert people to their understanding. I'm concerned even by publicly saying this on my blog.
Friday, July 30, 2010
How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Being Excommunicated) A Reflection
I don't often get comments on my blog, though I guess that will begin to change the more often I comment on blogs like the Exponent and Feminist Mormon Housewives. I do fill in my blog address here as my website so it really shouldn't be a surprise to me that my quiet corner is attracting guests (welcome, I will add).
On my recent post about praying to Heavenly Mother, Seth, a commenter recommended an article from the journal Dialogue entitled "How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Being Excommunicated." I bit the bullet, subscribed to an online subscription and now have free reign to search the archives and read according to my interests and where I am led. It really is exciting.
For more details beyond my shorthand notes, please read the entire article. A $25 subscription for one year of gospel study is in truth an affordable price to gain greater understanding into the scriptures and gospel. Often, one download from the site is $15, so its a good idea to save some money and get the one year access.
The basic points of the "How To Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Getting Excommunicated)" are:
An insight provided me by this article is some of the translated meanings and connotations of the Hebrew word and words associated with Asherah. The words that stood out most to me were "Sanctuary," "Holy Place," and "Holiness."
My mind whipped immediately to the inscriptions on each Latter-day Saint Temple "Holiness to the Lord, the House of the Lord" and then next to the union of male and female. A wife can be a refuge to her husband, a sanctuary from the toils and heartaches of life. It also cannot be ignored that quite literally a man can be in a woman. The thoughts are more fleeting than anything else, brief impressions that I have not done justice or perhaps even been respectful as the topic warrants, but the parallel is drawn. Perhaps, one of the reasons why the temple is such a salient feature in LDS theology because it is a symbol of our Mother in Heaven. That when we are there, our worship of Father and Mother is complete and we are literally surrounded by Her love. Though the author may not have considered this, its what my mind went to immediately upon reading that a connotation of Asherah was analogous to the temple.
The author makes some interesting points about the temple; one of which is that the ancient Israelite women worshipped Asherah by weaving fine textiles for use in the temple. Those women lucky enough to work at Deseret Distribution in the manufacture and construction of the temple garments, and clothing now have a new way of looking at their work. While a student at BYU, I had learned about job opportunities there. How amazing it would have been to have that on my list of experiences. The temple clothing is predominantly manufactured centrally and by the institution of the church but there are still items that can be made for use in the temple that does not require an official pattern. For this reason, I would suggest that sewing women's temple dresses and men's white trousers and shirts could be added to the list of ways that the everyday Latter-day Saint could show appreciation and reverence for our Mother in Heaven.
As a teenager, I took up sewing and on a trip to the fabric store, I found a pattern for a wedding dress that I was drawn to. I bought it and said that I would sew my own wedding dress and I would alter it so it could be worn in the temple on the day of my sealing and that afterward, it could be worn as my temple dress. I actually did it and now I am looking at my wedding dress in a whole new way and wonder if perhaps Mother in Heaven guided me in that instance.
I'm also getting a sense of where my "earth mama" tendencies are coming from. Since the time when I had begun seriously to consider what I wanted to do in this world, I had two goals: 1) be a wife and mother and 2) make a difference in the world through helping others. As I followed my educational path, I found my desire of helping people rested in family studies--how family processes can contribute to individual, familial, communal and societal well-being. Through becoming a mother, while at the same time completing my master's investigating public policies pertaining to the family, I discovered a new passion for birth, environmentalism and sustainability; sensing that there was a connection between a healthy earth and healthy people and that somehow birth was related (see my blog Descent into Motherhood: Connecting with Earth through Birth). The last three years of my life have been dedicated to providing a toxin free, well nourished, balanced, emotionally secure and happy childhood to my son and daughter.
On my recent post about praying to Heavenly Mother, Seth, a commenter recommended an article from the journal Dialogue entitled "How to Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Being Excommunicated." I bit the bullet, subscribed to an online subscription and now have free reign to search the archives and read according to my interests and where I am led. It really is exciting.
For more details beyond my shorthand notes, please read the entire article. A $25 subscription for one year of gospel study is in truth an affordable price to gain greater understanding into the scriptures and gospel. Often, one download from the site is $15, so its a good idea to save some money and get the one year access.
The basic points of the "How To Worship Our Mother in Heaven (Without Getting Excommunicated)" are:
1) We know Mother in Heaven's name and it is Asherah. A discussion of how that is known is included in the article.
2) There are some rules relating to her worship and they are namely:
3) There are ways to acknowledge her in everyday life and some of the suggestions are:
- No idols (those were banned with the 10 commandments, and tended to be a weakness of the Hebrews in the Old Testament)
- No public prayer as per the direction given by President Hinckley in 1991 (see my recent post).
- Name a child after Her (Asher for boy, Sophia for a girl, or even Asherah);
- Think of Her as present and part of the creation of the world; consider the Christmas tree as a symbol of her (trees were a symbol of Asherah throughout the Old Testament);
- Take part in the Jewish Earth Day (Tu Bishvat);
- View or create visual and artistic representations of her (though not to be worshipped as idols);
- Recognize and take part in fertility, childbirth and lactation as symbols of her domain and understanding;
- Consider the olive oil used in blessings as "the fruit of the tree of life" (a belief in the Jewish tradition);
- Look at the instances of the word "happiness" in the scriptures as evidence of Heavenly Mother (a word/meaning associated with the word Asherah); view instances of "wisdom" similarly;
- Study as much has been written about Asherah and keep in mind that a Jewish tradition holds that study is a form of worship (an appendix is provided by the author of the article);
- Show a greater concern for the earth and environment by learning about and participating in ways to protect it.
- Lastly, with the most emphasis, participate in the temple.
An insight provided me by this article is some of the translated meanings and connotations of the Hebrew word and words associated with Asherah. The words that stood out most to me were "Sanctuary," "Holy Place," and "Holiness."
My mind whipped immediately to the inscriptions on each Latter-day Saint Temple "Holiness to the Lord, the House of the Lord" and then next to the union of male and female. A wife can be a refuge to her husband, a sanctuary from the toils and heartaches of life. It also cannot be ignored that quite literally a man can be in a woman. The thoughts are more fleeting than anything else, brief impressions that I have not done justice or perhaps even been respectful as the topic warrants, but the parallel is drawn. Perhaps, one of the reasons why the temple is such a salient feature in LDS theology because it is a symbol of our Mother in Heaven. That when we are there, our worship of Father and Mother is complete and we are literally surrounded by Her love. Though the author may not have considered this, its what my mind went to immediately upon reading that a connotation of Asherah was analogous to the temple.
The author makes some interesting points about the temple; one of which is that the ancient Israelite women worshipped Asherah by weaving fine textiles for use in the temple. Those women lucky enough to work at Deseret Distribution in the manufacture and construction of the temple garments, and clothing now have a new way of looking at their work. While a student at BYU, I had learned about job opportunities there. How amazing it would have been to have that on my list of experiences. The temple clothing is predominantly manufactured centrally and by the institution of the church but there are still items that can be made for use in the temple that does not require an official pattern. For this reason, I would suggest that sewing women's temple dresses and men's white trousers and shirts could be added to the list of ways that the everyday Latter-day Saint could show appreciation and reverence for our Mother in Heaven.
As a teenager, I took up sewing and on a trip to the fabric store, I found a pattern for a wedding dress that I was drawn to. I bought it and said that I would sew my own wedding dress and I would alter it so it could be worn in the temple on the day of my sealing and that afterward, it could be worn as my temple dress. I actually did it and now I am looking at my wedding dress in a whole new way and wonder if perhaps Mother in Heaven guided me in that instance.
I'm also getting a sense of where my "earth mama" tendencies are coming from. Since the time when I had begun seriously to consider what I wanted to do in this world, I had two goals: 1) be a wife and mother and 2) make a difference in the world through helping others. As I followed my educational path, I found my desire of helping people rested in family studies--how family processes can contribute to individual, familial, communal and societal well-being. Through becoming a mother, while at the same time completing my master's investigating public policies pertaining to the family, I discovered a new passion for birth, environmentalism and sustainability; sensing that there was a connection between a healthy earth and healthy people and that somehow birth was related (see my blog Descent into Motherhood: Connecting with Earth through Birth). The last three years of my life have been dedicated to providing a toxin free, well nourished, balanced, emotionally secure and happy childhood to my son and daughter.
As I learned about the environmental and biochemical affects of modern life on gestation , I have been cognizant of the need I have to cleanse my body to be a healthy vessel for the children that I will bear. There is something of a spiritual nature that draws me to birth and now I am enrolled in a midwifery school and hope to someday provide the spiritual, physical and emotional support that expectant mothers crave. I strive to emulate the characteristics I envision in Heavenly Mother and become "a wise woman" in my community. If you follow my blog page on Facebook, you'll find my two favorite subjects are respecting the birthing woman and cleansing the earth from harmful bioaccumulating toxins.
If you are sensing a connection to "cleaning the earth from the blood and sins of this generation" in my efforts, you are right. I think that is what I'm trying to do. In my own small way and on behalf of women and children.
If you are sensing a connection to "cleaning the earth from the blood and sins of this generation" in my efforts, you are right. I think that is what I'm trying to do. In my own small way and on behalf of women and children.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Bearing Testimony (Everything can be fit into one testimony meeting)
I know that the Spirit communicates to me and it has taught me many truths of the gospel. I have been able to, in many circumstances from doctrinal questions, to personal conversion to life's trials and decisions, find answers to my prayers and knowledge that I could not get from any other source. Having grown up not knowing that the Spirit could lead me, I have such an appreciation for some of the ambiguity of life to be taken away from me and the existential despair that sometimes accompanied it.
A list of testimonies that I've received through personal revelation in the last 10 years since my conversion:
That God exists. This one was huge for me and I cannot deny the spiritual confirmation I received the first time I sincerely asked with faith.
That peoples' spirits live on after death.
That Christ knows my pain, suffering and sadness.
That Christ has carried me through hardship.
That the Book of Mormon fulfills prophecy of another record testifying of Christ, it teaches true doctrine.
That Joseph Smith was a prophet.
That the First Vision actually happened.
That there is a prophet on the earth today.
That my Father in Heaven hears my prayers.
That God is my Father. When I felt like I was fatherless, he reminded me that I have a perfect Father who will teach me and love me better than any earthly father could.
That I lived with God before I was born. There is something eternal about my spirit and it will continue to exist after my physical body dies. This is the reality of life. Its been obscured by the veil, by tradition and culture but it is the truest thing in the world and it is what this world is founded on.
That my little brother (stillborn at 38 weeks) lives and will be part of our family in the afterlife even though official church doctrine does not say one way or the other.
That people who have died can and do accept vicarious temple work that has been performed for them and I have felt that confirmation for family members personally.
That I will meet my ancestors one day.
That music is a form of communication with the divine.
That dance is another form.
That knowledge and truth can be found in a great diversity of places and God glories in it all.
That there is good to be found in people everywhere and that to a great degree their religion doesn't matter. He loves them and has a plan for them and it is not my duty to interfere with that plan. In my mother's case, it is not right for me to push her in the direction of baptism and its been hinted to me that it will be years before it occurs and that is the way Heavenly Father needs it to be for some reason.
That the church was established by God to carry out his work on the earth.
That one day all pain, suffering, sadness, sickness, poverty and injustice will end.
That Heavenly Father wanted me to marry my husband. He even told me the time and the place through the Spirit.
That Heavenly Father revealed to me when we were supposed to try to conceive our first child.
That years before I even knew I wanted to go to graduate school (and before I was baptized), I had a strong spiritual impression that I would go to school in Hawaii and when I was accepted into grad school there, I had it confirmed again. And then again and again throughout my program that I was supposed to be doing it even though it was the exception to the rule of Mormon culture.
That Heavenly Father intends me to be an exception to the rule when it comes to women's roles in the Church. I am supposed to continue my education, supposed to be involved in professional pursuits and that at some point, when it is revealed to me that the time is right, I will be expected to work outside the home.
That Heavenly Father is concerned about women's roles and duties in the church and that he supports and sustains the efforts of individual members to seek change in current policies and practices.
That I have the capability to become a creator of worlds like Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. (Therefore I know the Heavenly Mother is real too).
That someday all that is unclear, confusing, ambiguous, not revealed, lost or hidden will be made available to the understanding of Heavenly Father's spirits. There will be great learning that goes on in the afterlife.
That it doesn't matter so much who you are sealed to as long as you are sealed. And it doesn't so much matter if that sealing can't happen in this life because it can be worked out in the next.
That all will fall into place. All be will clear and known. There are going to be visions of history as it really was and the full weight of accountability will rest upon the shoulders of those who have hurt, damaged or dammed our progress.
That our bodies and minds will be made whole, complete and healthy after we die.
That we are given great treasures of knowledge on this earth to assist us in being healthy.
That science can teach and inspire us and when science is silent, God can reveal where to turn next. Science and the spirit work together in ways that are wonderful and only barely understood.
That God can tell a person what will happen in their future when asked what the outcome will be of a certain decision and in doing so can either confirm the rightness of that decision or lead you to the right decision.
That God can be near when He is needed.
That God will give space for people to learn and grow and decide for themselves and he will sometimes remain silent to "see what little squirt can do." As we become more spiritually mature, he expects us be more independent and take the initiative to figure things out for ourselves using the correct principles we've learned to guide us.
That he expects us to treat our bodies according to how our biology is designed, with few exceptions.
That God wants us to be empathetic, understanding, respectful and loving to all people and to help them according to their wants and needs in ways that will actually help them and in order to determine what that is, he expects us to be sensitive to the Spirit in being led to figure out what those wants and needs are.
That he wants us to find the balance between relying on ourselves, on external forces, influences, people and on him to be functioning, capable and competent souls.
That there is an oppositional force in this world that fights against all that is good and right and true and for whatever reason that force is necessary and the lessons we learn in thwarting that evil influence makes us stronger.
That the world is in a fallen state, separate from God and therefore not free from natural, random, chaotic failures in nature's processes. It is not God's will but natural laws that he is also subject to.
I know that's alot and some of it may appear cookie cutter, but please believe me that what I have learned have come through sacred spiritual experiences. It goes beyond "I know because I've been taught" but to "I know because I've felt in my body and spirit that its true" and "Because Heavenly Father clearly told me though the Spirit that it is true." I love the gospel. I love its richness, depth, universality. I love that we are not overwhelmed at one time with all the information/truth/knowledge about this world and I accept that the world has not been given as much information as some are ready and are yearning for. I am trying to patient to have my further questions answered knowing that in some cases the world and perhaps many in the church are not ready to know the truth. I have tremendous respect for our Father in Heaven who knows what we as individual and we as a collective spiritual family need and how he weighs that all out is amazing. I know I can trust him and that someday everything will be made right, and until then he wants us, in the ways we are able, work to make everything right for ourselves, our families and for others.
A list of testimonies that I've received through personal revelation in the last 10 years since my conversion:
That God exists. This one was huge for me and I cannot deny the spiritual confirmation I received the first time I sincerely asked with faith.
That peoples' spirits live on after death.
That Christ knows my pain, suffering and sadness.
That Christ has carried me through hardship.
That the Book of Mormon fulfills prophecy of another record testifying of Christ, it teaches true doctrine.
That Joseph Smith was a prophet.
That the First Vision actually happened.
That there is a prophet on the earth today.
That my Father in Heaven hears my prayers.
That God is my Father. When I felt like I was fatherless, he reminded me that I have a perfect Father who will teach me and love me better than any earthly father could.
That I lived with God before I was born. There is something eternal about my spirit and it will continue to exist after my physical body dies. This is the reality of life. Its been obscured by the veil, by tradition and culture but it is the truest thing in the world and it is what this world is founded on.
That my little brother (stillborn at 38 weeks) lives and will be part of our family in the afterlife even though official church doctrine does not say one way or the other.
That people who have died can and do accept vicarious temple work that has been performed for them and I have felt that confirmation for family members personally.
That I will meet my ancestors one day.
That music is a form of communication with the divine.
That dance is another form.
That knowledge and truth can be found in a great diversity of places and God glories in it all.
That there is good to be found in people everywhere and that to a great degree their religion doesn't matter. He loves them and has a plan for them and it is not my duty to interfere with that plan. In my mother's case, it is not right for me to push her in the direction of baptism and its been hinted to me that it will be years before it occurs and that is the way Heavenly Father needs it to be for some reason.
That the church was established by God to carry out his work on the earth.
That one day all pain, suffering, sadness, sickness, poverty and injustice will end.
That Heavenly Father wanted me to marry my husband. He even told me the time and the place through the Spirit.
That Heavenly Father revealed to me when we were supposed to try to conceive our first child.
That years before I even knew I wanted to go to graduate school (and before I was baptized), I had a strong spiritual impression that I would go to school in Hawaii and when I was accepted into grad school there, I had it confirmed again. And then again and again throughout my program that I was supposed to be doing it even though it was the exception to the rule of Mormon culture.
That Heavenly Father intends me to be an exception to the rule when it comes to women's roles in the Church. I am supposed to continue my education, supposed to be involved in professional pursuits and that at some point, when it is revealed to me that the time is right, I will be expected to work outside the home.
That Heavenly Father is concerned about women's roles and duties in the church and that he supports and sustains the efforts of individual members to seek change in current policies and practices.
That I have the capability to become a creator of worlds like Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. (Therefore I know the Heavenly Mother is real too).
That someday all that is unclear, confusing, ambiguous, not revealed, lost or hidden will be made available to the understanding of Heavenly Father's spirits. There will be great learning that goes on in the afterlife.
That it doesn't matter so much who you are sealed to as long as you are sealed. And it doesn't so much matter if that sealing can't happen in this life because it can be worked out in the next.
That all will fall into place. All be will clear and known. There are going to be visions of history as it really was and the full weight of accountability will rest upon the shoulders of those who have hurt, damaged or dammed our progress.
That our bodies and minds will be made whole, complete and healthy after we die.
That we are given great treasures of knowledge on this earth to assist us in being healthy.
That science can teach and inspire us and when science is silent, God can reveal where to turn next. Science and the spirit work together in ways that are wonderful and only barely understood.
That God can tell a person what will happen in their future when asked what the outcome will be of a certain decision and in doing so can either confirm the rightness of that decision or lead you to the right decision.
That God can be near when He is needed.
That God will give space for people to learn and grow and decide for themselves and he will sometimes remain silent to "see what little squirt can do." As we become more spiritually mature, he expects us be more independent and take the initiative to figure things out for ourselves using the correct principles we've learned to guide us.
That he expects us to treat our bodies according to how our biology is designed, with few exceptions.
That God wants us to be empathetic, understanding, respectful and loving to all people and to help them according to their wants and needs in ways that will actually help them and in order to determine what that is, he expects us to be sensitive to the Spirit in being led to figure out what those wants and needs are.
That he wants us to find the balance between relying on ourselves, on external forces, influences, people and on him to be functioning, capable and competent souls.
That there is an oppositional force in this world that fights against all that is good and right and true and for whatever reason that force is necessary and the lessons we learn in thwarting that evil influence makes us stronger.
That the world is in a fallen state, separate from God and therefore not free from natural, random, chaotic failures in nature's processes. It is not God's will but natural laws that he is also subject to.
I know that's alot and some of it may appear cookie cutter, but please believe me that what I have learned have come through sacred spiritual experiences. It goes beyond "I know because I've been taught" but to "I know because I've felt in my body and spirit that its true" and "Because Heavenly Father clearly told me though the Spirit that it is true." I love the gospel. I love its richness, depth, universality. I love that we are not overwhelmed at one time with all the information/truth/knowledge about this world and I accept that the world has not been given as much information as some are ready and are yearning for. I am trying to patient to have my further questions answered knowing that in some cases the world and perhaps many in the church are not ready to know the truth. I have tremendous respect for our Father in Heaven who knows what we as individual and we as a collective spiritual family need and how he weighs that all out is amazing. I know I can trust him and that someday everything will be made right, and until then he wants us, in the ways we are able, work to make everything right for ourselves, our families and for others.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Compelled to be Humble
In the book of Alma (in the book of Mormon), verse 15 it states: "Yea, he that truly humbleth himself, and repenteth of his sins, and endureth to the end, the same shall be blessed—yea, much more blessed than they who are compelled to be humble..."
In relating this scripture to my conversion story, I sadly realized that I was compelled to be humble in order to be willing to accept the gospel. My father's death when I was 15 years old brought me to my knees. I spiraled into depression that took 2 years to lift. I felt desperate at the time to find a way out of that spiritual darkness that I find is best described by Alma the younger when he says "But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was charrowed up to the greatest degree... Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell...Oh, thought I, that I acould be banished and become extinct both soul and body" (Alma 36: bits of 12, 13 and 15). Anyone who knew me during that time knew that I was miserable, that I truly did wish to cease to exist in order to join my father whom at that time I believed didn't exist anymore.
I have wished many times that I hadn't needed his death to turn me to the questions that drove me to learn more about the LDS Church and its doctrines. How I have wished that when I was first introduced to the church at 14 years old that I had desired to learn about it then, instead of being compelled (as I see it) after my father's death.
And yet I have realized that I needed that event to occur in my life in order for me to be humble, to repent and be baptized. However if I could trade having my father back in my life (even though we didn't have a good relationship) for the last few years of testimony and Spirit in my life, I would make that trade.
But only if I could have the promise of the chance to accept the gospel at a point later in my life. And hopefully share it with my father who would accept it with me.
Thank goodness for temple work. Through making sure my father's ordinances have been completed, I strongly beleive that he has also accepted this gospel, even though it was not while he was living.
In relating this scripture to my conversion story, I sadly realized that I was compelled to be humble in order to be willing to accept the gospel. My father's death when I was 15 years old brought me to my knees. I spiraled into depression that took 2 years to lift. I felt desperate at the time to find a way out of that spiritual darkness that I find is best described by Alma the younger when he says "But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was charrowed up to the greatest degree... Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell...Oh, thought I, that I acould be banished and become extinct both soul and body" (Alma 36: bits of 12, 13 and 15). Anyone who knew me during that time knew that I was miserable, that I truly did wish to cease to exist in order to join my father whom at that time I believed didn't exist anymore.
I have wished many times that I hadn't needed his death to turn me to the questions that drove me to learn more about the LDS Church and its doctrines. How I have wished that when I was first introduced to the church at 14 years old that I had desired to learn about it then, instead of being compelled (as I see it) after my father's death.
And yet I have realized that I needed that event to occur in my life in order for me to be humble, to repent and be baptized. However if I could trade having my father back in my life (even though we didn't have a good relationship) for the last few years of testimony and Spirit in my life, I would make that trade.
But only if I could have the promise of the chance to accept the gospel at a point later in my life. And hopefully share it with my father who would accept it with me.
Thank goodness for temple work. Through making sure my father's ordinances have been completed, I strongly beleive that he has also accepted this gospel, even though it was not while he was living.
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