PTSD after childbirth: A Period of Adversity

My faith has been strengthened by my son's birth that was so traumatic for me. First I quickly realized that my experience giving birth, and the PTSD that followed was another period of adversity in my life.

I have found that generally when I make a momentous, good decision that some difficult adversity comes along to try to mess it up. I realized quickly that this was another one of those times in my life. By becoming a mother, I probably did the most important thing I'll do in my life; with the most potential to really make a difference in the world. I became responsible for a human life, and ultimately to give him the shape and direction that he needs to become a good person. One time somebody taught me that Satan doesn't try and tempt those who are aren't trying to live God's law. Satan doesn't have to try with them because they're already doing what he wants. On the other hand, those who are striving and doing right and good things with their lives, he going to work hardest on them and try to destroy and interfere with their efforts. I recognized that was occurring to me. I tend to get mad at Satan when I realize that's happening because there's no way I'm going to let the enemy of righteousness do that to me. I know its not my Father in Heaven doing it to me, but the influence of evil and the intent to cause sadness in the world.

I see Satan try to use maternity care to abuse and traumatize mothers. Providers so commonly violate a mother's right to give permission to what people are doing to her body, she is manipulated, coerced, threatened and ignored when she tries to stop it. I even see inappropriate and unnecessary use of technology and intervention during birth as "trusting in the arm of flesh" instead of trusting in God's creation and the body's ability to birth a baby safely. Interfering with the process of childbirth is, how I see it, another way that Satan interferes in the happy and healthy development of families. Families are of the utmost importance to the development and well-being of children. Heavenly Father created families because he knew thats what benefits children most--no other societal organization can do what parents do. Satan would love nothing more than to see mothers so traumatized that they commit suicide, or divorce their partners or abuse their children or fail to form healthy attachment to their children. He most especially doesn't want more people born into the world so he tries to scare mothers away from having more children.

Because I believe that God and Jesus "know the end from the beginning" I know that they know what I'm experiencing and how emotionally damaging that birth was for me. They know the wrongs committed by the staff people and understand better than I do the injustice inherent in the system. I don't believe they safe us from all suffering because everyone has their free will. There will always be people who choose to wield power in an abusive and destructive way. I was a victim of that and because I experienced it I learned that traumatic birth experiences are another destructive attack on families and God's children. I probably wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't happened to me.

But now that I have experienced it and suffered it and know it, I have 1) gained that knowledge, 2) developed empathy and compassion for mothers who have experienced similar trauma, as well as anyone who has been abused, or traumatized by a life event, 3) become more sensitive as a parent because I try not to force physically or manipulate my children when teaching them because I know how awful it feels and 4) realize that I have the opportunity to do something about it (obsessively, actually, a side effect of the PTSD). When I was seeking help in dealing with my experience, I didn't find the resources I felt I needed. But then I felt led in my searching to meet the founder of Solace, and Jennica and together we created this discussion board and are developing Solace as a advocacy and support organization for birth trauma. I believe that there is good coming out of it because it is a comfort for other mothers who have experienced birth trauma. In that way, my experience has and can help others.

I have grown very much from the experience. Not only are my work skills being improved because I'm learning how to direct a non-profit, but I've learned about the process of birth. I believe that the human body was originally created to work flawlessly. Since the introduction of less than perfect circumstance with the Fall of Adam, the body doesn't work perfectly all the time, but it works most of the time. And it works best when we trust in it and let nature do what its meant to do WITHOUT the interference of others (I think of Proverbs 3:4). Sometimes HF will guide us to those who have the skills to intervene when the process derails, but the people with those skills tend to over-inflate their value and necessity. I learned that HF wants me to take responsibility for my decisions and trust Him first and then let him guide me to know when to make use of man's knowledge and expertise. Just as any tool, it can be misused.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Last month, I was lucky to spend 3 weeks in Hawaii with my best friend from elementary school. She and I have remained friends through a number of hardships that both of us have experienced. Our friendship weathered my conversion to the LDS church, as she became more and more nonreligious.

During our trip together, we discussed some of the theological issues that we have considered. My friend's biggest question and concern about religion and theology was the question, "If God loves us so much, why does he let bad things happen to good people?" I sensed it wasn't the right time to launch into a discussion of the LDS answer to that question, but I offered to share an answer at a later time if she was interested.

After returning from our trip, I ran across a copy of the book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" written by Harold S. Kushner, a Jewish Rabbi. He shares his personal theology on why there is suffering in this world and God's responses to it. A summary of his main points follows:

1) God is obligated and required to respect the moral freedom of man to choose. Therefore some people make bad choices which hurt and causes others to suffer. God cannot stop this suffering.

2)In the creation, God made order out of chaos but some chaos remains in this life. Therefore some human suffering happens as a result of chance--mere randomness. Maybe in time, the Spirit of God will bring order out of the chaos. Chaos is not the will of God but an aspect of reality that stands independent of His will.

3) Laws of nature are ordained by God and cause problems that lead to human suffering. Gravity makes people fall and get hurt. God does not cause these problem to happen and does not have the power to stop it.

According to Kushner, basically good people's suffering is not caused by God. It is not punishment for sins in this life (yours or your relatives). It is not to teach people to be better followers of God and it is not a test to see if his followers will be faithful. And ultimately, death is not intended in God's plan to liberate us from the suffering of this life.

Kushner's main point in the midst of his discussion is that no matter the cause of our suffering, it is God who offers us the help we need to deal with our suffering. The author testifies of that help that God gives.

While I agree that Heavenly Father has the power to comfort and help us in times of suffering and grief (and I have been the recipient of that succor many times), my understandings of the doctrines of Latter-day Saint theology does not let me accept his explanations for the causes of human suffering.

Modern-day scripture reveals: "saints to learn obedience by the things they suffer (D&C 105:6)", "saints to reap eternal joy for all their suffering (D&C 109:76)", "know thy son that these things [afflictions] shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good (D&C 122:7)", "all things shall work together for your good (D&C 90:24, 98:3,100:15 and 105:40)", "God shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain (2 Nephi 2:2)", and "many are softened because of their affliction (D&C 62:41). These indicate that God indeed does intend that people will learn and be rewarded for their suffering.

I know that it has been through suffering that I have learned some of the most important lessons in life and I have benefited from them (my conversion story is evidence of that). But when in the midst of affliction and trial, I am not comforted by that knowledge of God's will and often I am very resentful. It comes "after the rain" that I can see the purpose of the suffering and reap the benefits of the lessons learned.

The Latter-day Saint scriptures also substantiate Kushner's claim others claims but those will have to be saved for another blog, another night.

This is a topic that I will continue to study and pray about seeking understanding to Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for suffering in this life. It is such a large topic that a book in response to Kushner's from the LDS perspective could be written, and I will be searching LDS publications to find one that fully discusses the topic, of which I'm sure there are quite a few.